Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Police Officer Jesse Erick Sollman

Easton Police Department, Pennsylvania

End of Watch Friday, March 25, 2005

Leave a Reflection

Reflections for Police Officer Jesse Erick Sollman

Just wanted to stop in and let you know I was thinking about you today. We never knew one another but we both belong to the same brotherhood. Maybe I'm the old school type or the old timer as they use to refer to me before I retired, but being from the old school I was taught that we never forget our brothers in blue. Keep looking down on your loved ones and protect them from harm.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

August 14, 2007

Carin,

I have read the reflections to your husband tonight and I found it extremely emotional. As a Police Officer and a father of two young boys I feel so sorry that your children will grow up missing their father, not the love of their father because you will convey that to them, always.

I wish you all the best in the future.

Jesse - Rest in Peace mate.

Sergeant
Western Australia Police

August 14, 2007

Carin....It was great to talk to you last night...I am so glad that Drew and Jesse brought us together...I hope you enjoy your special time with the kids....and remember what I said...anytime!!! love you girl...me

August 9, 2007

Jes, I come here often to say a prayer. It seems so unreal that you could just not be here. I'll never forget the day and neither will anyone else Jes, it changed peoples lives forever. You are remembered each and every day, the memories of how you were touched so many people. My kids will never forget you, how you would always buy them sodas at the station and kid around - you were always kidding around. We pray for your memory, and for your family and hope that somehow, over time, it becomes easier to cope for them.

Easton PD Wife

August 9, 2007

Just stopping in, as I was leaving a reflection for the latest fallen officer, to let you know that your family will never be forgotten.

I think of you and your story often, as I do the other Pennsylvania officers who we have lost over the past several years. Your family continues on with the bravery I know you must have taught them.

Thank you for leaving many of us citizens with lessons on courage set by your example.

Breinigsville, PA

Pennsylvania citizen, Lehigh Valley

August 7, 2007

HI Jesse
Stopping in to say Hi. Just emailed Carin to say Hi also. I was taking my son to work this morning and a van in front of me had a sticker on the back window: "In Loving Memory of Officer Jesse Sollman". I never knew you, unless of course I encountered you at work in Easton, but I just feel like I did see you somewhere. In any case, Carin is a wonderful person and I enjoy stopping in. Take care. Watch over your family and I hope you can watch over David too since his own police family did/does not.

love,
chrissy g

chrissy gilbert
wife of disabled Officer David Gilbert (aka 812)WhitehallPD 28 Forever

July 29, 2007

Carin I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you today and to let you know that Jesse was the featured HERO this morning. I had to stop by and catch up on his reflections.

Clint was killed much the same way as Jesse, except Clint was shot in his side.

Officer Sollman wrap your beautiful wings around your family, they miss you everyday. I will never forget the sacrifice you have made and the sacrifice your family has to make everyday you are not here with them.

My Blue Candles shine 24/7 for all of you, we also have Blue Landscape lights now, so if you see a blue haze from Ft. Walton Beach you'll know that's us.

Connie Barker Fort Walton Beach, Fl
Mother of Clint Walker E.O.W. 1-14-04 Prattville, Al.

July 24, 2007

If I had only known
It was the last walk in the rain
I'd keep you out for hours in the storm
I would hold your hand
Like a life line to my heart
Underneath the thunder, we'd be warm
If I had only known
It was our last walk in the rain

If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again
I'd memorize each thing you ever said
And on those lonely nights
I could think of them once more
Keep your words alive inside my head
If I had only known
I'd never hear your voice again

You were the treasure in my hand
You were the one who always stood beside me
So unaware I foolishly believed
That you would always be there
But then there came a day
And I turned my head, and you slipped away

If I had only known
It was my last night by your side
I'd pray a miracle would stop the dawn
And when you'd smile at me
I would look into your eyes
And make sure you know my love
For you goes on and on

If I had only known
If I had only known
The love I would have shown
If I had only known.....

A good friend sent me a link to this Reba McEntire song - the lyrics are so true, I could have written them myself! I often think back to the morning of the 25th, you coming out of the closet ready for training, the little wave you gave me. I wish so much you'd given me one more hug, one more kiss.....the kids had gotten in bed with me and I'm sure you didn't want to disturb them, so you just whispered "bye" and gave that little wave. How could I have ever known it would be the last time I ever saw you? All these months later it still just boggles my mind......How could you just be gone, forever, in an instant? How could everything just change so fast?

We miss you, Jes. Life is so different without you here. We are getting used to it and I try very hard not to be angry and bitter but it's not easy.

We love you. Always and forever.
~ Carin

July 22, 2007

Carin, I often come to Jesse's guest book to see how you and the kids are doing. I am thinking of you today, as I keep your family and friends in my thoughts. Jesse's dedication and service will be missed. Even though these are sad times for your friends and family, they are truly thankful for every day, hour, minute that you were in their lives. Know that they will continue to think of you every day, whether it brings to them a smile of happiness from a fond memory, or a sorrowful tear. The legacy Jesse left behind will live forever. I have read the reflections over the years and truely believe if your love could have saved him he would have lived forever. There comes a time in our lives when we realize just how delicate and precious life really is…just how important every moment, word, touch, thought, family member and friend really is. The memory of Jesse is a blessing and I'm sure you are missing his smile & laughter. Both your lives with the children was a beautiful one, and memory will live forever in the hearts and minds of the many people who have been touched by both your love. I know first hand that even as time passes the loss is still felt greatly by those closest to it. All I can say is that the days do get easier, you are able to function as normally as you can once again, but it will take time. My thoughts and prayers will always be with your family. Keep focused as you can on the memories and joyous times for these things may bring you comfort. We are never prepared for the loss of a loved one, but God is always prepared to help us through that loss. May His presence begin the healing in your heart and soul, and may His love surround you with the comfort only He can give. To live in the hearts of those you leave behind is never to die. Stay strong and continue holding your family together with the special love you give the kids.

James A. Cortina

July 22, 2007

Hey Jes ~

The kids and I spent a few days out with Dianne, Brian and the boys - being there with them is so good for my soul. I didn't want to come back today, I just wanted to stay there on their front porch where time seems to stand still and memories don't seem so far away. If I ever decide to move away, that is probably where I will go. Dianne already has a house picked out for us.

The boys are getting so big, you'd be amazed. Evan looks more and more like Brian every day, in so many ways - the way he's built and the way he walks, his facial expressions, his personality. Trent is just precious - he still looks like Dianne's dad and is just so cute (and hairy!). And Mitchell is a mix of everyone, he's lost his curls but his hair is so blonde and he's still got those lips - oooohhhh those lips!

I almost convinced Trent to come back with us for a few days, at first he said yes but later changed his mind. Evan said no right off the bat because he wanted to work in the shop with Pap today and I didn't even bother asking Mitchell (he's still Dianne's baby). Hopefully by next summer they will all be brave enough and they can each take a turn coming for a week.

The kids all had so much fun yesterday. They took fishing poles down to the picnic area and spent hours fishing, playing in the creek and riding bikes. Both Mitchell and Jacob learned how to ride without training wheels - Trent's bike was the perfect size and Jacob wanted to try it so Dianne helped him get started and (just like Savannah last year) off he went. He did it in the grass first, then we went up to the driveway and he rode all the way from the bridge down to the lane. Then Mitchell decided he wanted to try so before we knew it both of them were riding all around. The first thing I did today when we got home was take Jacob's training wheels off (the kids of course didn't think I'd be able to figure out how). Yet another milestone you should be here for........

Savannah just loves being out there. The "X" factor is still in effect, but it seems the boys don't fight over her quite as much as before - they seem to take turns now, they share her attention without beating each other up all the time. Evan took Savannah in the barn to see the cows and show her a short cut up to Memaws and all I could think of was when you took Savannah into that barn for the first time, how much those cows scared her and how much she cried because they were so loud. One big "MOO" did her in. Now she's going through that barn, with all the mooing cows, in the dark, by herself without a bit of fear. Another milestone....

All of the puppies are gone, which is good because I might actually have broken down this time and brought one home. Now they are going to try to mate Brandy with Buddy (to make Labradoodles) if they can get them to actually, physically, get the job done - the jokes there are endless but just not as funny without you here to tell (and animate) them. We went to a picnic at Kim's and she has a German Shepherd named Sarge - I just assumed he was a work dog so I spoke to him in German which at first he seemed to understand but when I told him to "plotz" he very gently gave me his paw. It made me laugh because I could picture you telling him what a "brava houndin" he was and trying to get him all worked up. He was thin like Finn but American bred - such a different look from the European dogs - but I know you would have loved him, he was sweet.

Brian did fireworks for the kids both nights that we were there - it was really nice and I was so happy because we hadn't seen any yet this year. What a sight, the 5 kids lined up on the front porch.

I'm not sure how I got to this point in my life, Jes. I'm not sure how Dianne and I went from being college roommates to being the mothers of those 5 children - it doesn't seem like 20 years could have passed. So much must have happened in all that time, but it seems like just yesterday she and I were eating pizza and talking about our futures. And I so vividly remember the night I came home so excited from my first date with you and telling Dianne that I had met the man I was going to marry - I knew it, for sure, that you were "the one" and that we would be together forever.

Where did you go? Where did all of it go?

I'm left here to wonder how to pick myself up and go on. Go on to where? Where do I go? What do I do?

I read a book on grief a while ago and the author describes catastrophic loss (such as sudden loss of a spouse) as an amputation of your former life - he describes loss as an overflowing waterfall, the water just flowing down the landscape of your life changing and altering and destroying every single thing in it's path. Your life is never the same - you don't just pick up where you left off and continue on because nothing is the same anymore. The landscape is different and you have to figure out how to navigate it before you can decide how or where (or if) you are going to go on. I think I'm still studying the new landscape, Jes, still trying to figure out exactly what this life without you entails and what options I have for the future (for me and the kids). But I can't stop thinking about the way everything used to be, when you were here.

I miss you, Jes.
I wish so much that you were still here.

Always and forever.
~ Carin

July 7, 2007

Carin~

Today another police officer, a Master Trooper in Indiana, was killed for just trying to do his job. He left behind three children. Immediately I thought of you and the children. I put up the link to ODMP on mcall so people could leave reflections. Of course as I always do, I stopped in on your page. I saw your last post about the 4th and I am in tears. My heart aches for you so badly. I try and put myself in your shoes. If I had lost David........... what would I do????? Just the thought of it kills me. I feel so selfish complaining about David's disability when at least he is still here. It just can not compare to what you are going through.

Know that I am here. I can't wait to actually meet you. Please keep in touch. Also, there is a poster from mcall that I talk to and either she lives or one of her family lives near you. She hs wanted for a long time to meet you and tell you how sorry she is. She just wants to hug you and send her love. She has also been following you story. She is the very motherly type. I just wanted you to know. There are people out there that really are on your side.

Call me sometime. Let's get together.
Love,
the other chrissy
chrissy gilbert :)

chrissy gilbert
wife of disabled Whitehall Officer David Gilbert Badge #28 forever

July 6, 2007

From the movie "The Guardian"
By Bryan Adams

Can you lay your life down, so a stranger can live?
Can you take what you need, but take less than you give?
Could you close every day, without the glory and fame?
Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name?
That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Can you lose everything, you ever had planned?
Can you sit down again, and play another hand?
Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone?
Under pressure find the grace, or would you come undone?
That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say?

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

...::Never let go, Never let go, Never let go::...

Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

We say goodbye, but never let go.
We live, we die, 'but you can't save every soul.
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who;
Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

Will never look back, never look down,
and never let go.

...::Never let go::...


love you girl.. me

July 6, 2007

Carin, I served with Jesse in the Marine Corps. We seemed to be best of friends but people, places and times change. I was reflecting on the amazing times Jesse and I had and all of the crazy partying we used to do and looked him up on the web. I was shocked! All of the crazy things we did and he gets his final orders like that.

We were stationed in Okinawa and I had taken him to some cliffs to for recreational cliff diving and he didn't think he was going to be able to jump. He did! He loved it! Always a positive influence and the first to hand out the smiles!

On another weekend we traveled from Camp Le Jeune N.C. to his mothers in New York, I think. I remember he had to go somewhere with his mom and his grandfather made me rotate my tires, I am still not sure to this day why but, I did it because I felt like if I didn't he would smack me in the back of my head.

I wish I would have looked Jesse up earlier! I do have nothing but fantastic memories and he will live on in my heart. I will tell my children of our training together and of all the fun we had!

It was truly and HONOR to know JESSE. I am a better person because of our friendship!

GOD Bless YOU and your family hopefully we will be able to meet someday!

SEMPER FI! Michael P. Mink USMC, RET

Michael P Mink, Sgt USMC RET

July 5, 2007

Hey Jes ~

Happy 4rth of July. We miss you so much, Jes.

The guys in the house behind us were having a party last night, it was cool out so I had the windows open and could hear everyone shouting and laughing, shooting off fireworks and having a good time. I found myself feeling so annoyed, so aggravated with them for having fun and celebrating the holiday - it doesn't make much sense, I know, but that is how I feel. Life just goes on without you, time passes, things change and milestones are reached........all without you. Some days I feel so bitter. Most days I feel unfocused and scattered, like I don't know what I'm doing with myself - we had our lives all planned out and now it's all gone. What do I do now? How do I move on from here?

I guess the biggest problem is that I don't want to move on - I want to go back. Back to when you were here, when we were a family. Back when I had a husband and the kids had a father. Back to what used to be. But I can't go back and I can't go forward........I'm trapped in this nightmare and I can't wake up.

Chrissy told me about a movie she'd recently watched, so I watched it the other night - The Lake House. If only something like that could really happen, if only I could reach back to you now and tell you not to go into work that day. If I could tell you to stay home, or to do something different to prevent what happened to you. Then you'd still be here with us and life would be the way it should.

I miss you, Jes, and I wish so much that you were still here. I love you. Always and forever.

~ Carin

July 4, 2007

For all the times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For every wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
Through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
We were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hands, I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love, I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith cause you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
Light in the dark - shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place
Because of you.....

I've always loved this song, Jes. We had such a hard time picking our wedding song because so many seemed appropriate, but we kept coming back to this one. It was perfect, and still is. I love you so very much, and I miss you terribly all the time.

Savannah tried to fly a kite today - it was actually the rainbow kite you bought her when we moved here, it's been in the garage all this time. It was windy so we gave it a try but couldn't get it to go. Of course we were laughing about flying the Pooh kite behind the Municipal Building - I will never forget you running after that kite with me and Rosie screaming to "get it dad" and if you could have just been one step faster you would have gotten it......or maybe if your boots had been tied. So funny.

You were always so funny. You loved to be a clown and to make people laugh.

I miss you, Jes. And I love you. Always and forever I will love you. ~ Carin

June 22, 2007

Happy Father's Day Jesse. I hope that you and Dave are hanging out together on this day when all of us miss you both so much.

Hi Carin,
I know today was rotten, it sucked for me, so I'm sure it was just as bad for you. The kids made it thru, but it was rough. They miss there dad sooo much. Hang in there you and if you ever need anything remember to call. I'm here for you, just like you've been there for me.
Let me know about spouses weekend...there has got to be someone that would love to take care of your beautiful children so you can go cry, kick and scream and maybe mend a little..for a few days. I hope you can go.
Either way hang in there and we'll get together again soon! This time, my place. Take care of yourself.
LUMI,
Jess


Widow of David Petzold EOW 11-9006

June 18, 2007

Happy Father's Day, Jes. We miss you so very much and wish you were still here. Every day is difficult without you, but today was just impossible.

We will always love you, Jes.
Always and forever.
Carin, Savannah and Jacob

June 17, 2007

Just to let you know that on this Father's Day and every day, PA citizens are thinking of you and how brave your family is to make it through another day, another holiday. You have left lasting legacies through your children.

Breinigsville, PA citizen

June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day Jes... I wish I could tell you that in person and that things didn't have the be the way they are but it can't be that way. Realize this pal... I love you and Carin, regardless of what the outcome of that pension thing was. I really had no choice in the matter and it breaks my heart to think about it. I would never betray you and you know that. Give Colton a big hug and kiss for me since I can't give them to either of you... Keep him safe for me Jes until we all meet again. I love you pal...

Officer Dominick Marraccini
Easton Police Department, Easton, PA

June 17, 2007

Happy Father's Day Jesse,
I know it will be a rough day for those that love you to get through, but then most days are. Keep watch over your children, let them feel your presence around them. I will have a candle burning for you, Michael and another Officer named Jeff that also has a special place with us. I hope my son Michael has you rolling with laughter with his stories and he sure could spin a yarn, even as a child. Keep a special watch over Carin and help her through today and every day. I know you are proud of her and the way she is handling everything. You have not been forgotten.

Bob Gordon
Father of Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

June 17, 2007

Jesse...Happy Father's Day...today is the one holiday that I think we really could do without....it's the reminder that your children will never again see their Dad...be able to give him a special card...have him hold them in his safe arms...but you are with them today....smile down on them Jess...make them feel the strength of your strong arms...make them feel safe....they need you now and always...they are proud of their Dad!!!

Carin....Keep pushing on sister....you will endure...you will climb this mountain...Jesse is right there with you all the way....if you close your eyes, I know you can feel him holding you....he is there for Savannah and Jacob too...His love with be with all of you ....forever...

I'm sending you my hugs XOXOXOXOXOXO I hope you find a peaceful moment today....that is when you will know Jesse is there with you....much love, Chrissy

June 17, 2007

Carin,
you don't know me, will never know me but I come here to Jesses' page to see how you are doing.I read your reflections and my heart bleeds for you.As someones else has already said..it does get better..it never goes away but it does get less all consuming.Know that you are held in so many hearts and prayers.WE are all angels with only one wing and the only way we can fly is by embracing each other.G-d bless and keep you, May He shine His Face apon you, may He be gracious unto you.

KJC

June 15, 2007

One night a man had a dream.
He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Across the dark sky flashed scenes from his life
For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
one belonging to him and the other to the Lord

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.
He noticed that many times along the path of his life
there was only one set of footprints.
He also noticed that it happened at the
very lowest and saddest times in his life.
This bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it.

"Lord, you said that once I decided to followed you,
you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life there is
only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."

The Lord replied "My precious, precious child,
I love you and would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints in the sand,
it was then that I carried you."

"Author Unknown"

June 10, 2007

Jes ~

Jacob has been having night terrors again, I think this was his fifth this week. I thought maybe he was worried about starting kindergarten because I've been making such a big deal about it - I couldn't think of anything else that would be bothering him. It started out tonight just like the other ones and it was bad - it lasted at least 10 minutes. I just kept holding him saying that everything was O.K. and that he was alright and just as he was calming down, he called out for you - "I want dad".

Your son needed you tonight and you weren't here. All three of us need you, all the time, and you aren't here.

I don't even know what to say anymore when the kids cry for you. There isn't anything I can say to make it better or take the pain away. Their daddy is gone and I can say "it's alright" a million times but they know it really isn't. Nothing is alright, nothing is O.K. and we aren't fine.

This is all so incredibly wrong and unfair. I am so angry.

We miss you, Jes.
Always and forever.
~ Carin

June 9, 2007

Carin,
I read your reflections when I can & I can totally relate to everything you say. I was also very young when I lost my father, he died of a terminal illness. I was so devasted losing him as young as I did. He never got to see me grow up, graduate from H.S or college, never met any of my boyfriends, some he would have been extremely unhappy about, never saw me get engaged, get married, dance daddy's little girl with me & most importantly never met his grandson. I know the saddness you feel for your children. And I know you yourself are also feeling extreme sadness. But this is what God has choosen for Jesse & my father & all the people that we have lost along the way. I remember being at a friends wedding & when daddy's little girl came on I literally ran out of the reception & cried my eyes out in the bathroom. I always felt so cheated out of not having my father with me here. My mom's life changed so much also when he died. They were true soulmates. And to see my mom so unhappy broke my heart. Carin I know you probably don't believe me or anyone else that tells you this, but I promise it will get better. You will never ever forget, but in time, it will be bearable. As for your children, just try to always keep Jesse a part of their lives, no matter where you life leads you. Life is unfair, I agree with you on that, but somehow, someway we get through. And someday you will be happy again. May be not as happy as you were with Jesse, but it will happen. Just always know he is there with you. I believe my father is here with me always, maybe not in the way I would have wished for, but he is watching & probably saying what are you doing? lol. But I do feel I have made him proud & I know I will see him again. And you will too. My thoughts are with you & your beautiful children. They are stronger than you think. And when they need to grieve it's ok & it's also ok for you to grieve too. But when you feel happiness, be happy, you deserve too have a good rest of your life. Be patient with yourself Carin, your doing great. And there will be days you feel like crap, I still do & my father died long ago. God Bless you & your family

Concerned resident

June 8, 2007

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