Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Josh,

i cannot believe it is going to be a year since you have gone. And i think of you mostly everyday........something will remind me of you and i just have thoughts and memory's run through my mind. I hear your memorial is coming up pretty soon. I look foward to attending, and remembering you. I miss you alot and i miss your handsome face around here. I used to always flirt with you, and you would flirt right back, and you always made me laugh while trying to do it. but just remember that i will have you in my heart forever and your memory will live on for days and years to come. I Love You Josh.

Your friend G.

April 26, 2004

I stop by this website often after the death of two dear friends with the NCSHP (Troopers Calvin Taylor E.O.W. October 3, 2001 and Anthony Cogdill E.O.W. May 30, 2003).

We all grieve over the lives lost in the line of duty. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that there are countless prayers that go out for your family. It is obvious from the reflections that Deputy Rutherford was a wonderful man.

These are senseless tragedies that never seem to stop. God Bless the men and women who continue to serve their communities in our great Nation.

...Gone, but never Forgotten....

Marti (EMT-Paramedic)
Haywood Co EMS (NC)

April 4, 2004

Baby,

Its been ten months. I miss you more every day.

March 29, 2004

Josh,
This message is from Auntie Jill. It has taken me this long to feel strong enough to write a reflection to you. I watched you grow from a skinny little boy into a strong, handsome young warrior with a wonderful future ahead of him. I remember visiting with Max and laughing about how you "put up" with us and didn't get to impatient when we'd pull one of our stunts, you'd just shake your head and laugh with us. All of my memories of you are good, I have no memories where we were unhappy or angry, just happy times and I was always telling your Mom how good you treated us. She'd say, He was raised right, thats why!" I can't disagree with that, you grew up to represent us as an honorable, respected dignified warrior.
Time marched on Josh, but it seems like it was yesterday when Fawn came home and told me about how much fun it was to have you in the school and how you seemed to enjoy being with the kids and fitting in even though you was a "COP."
This is something I don't understand, what happened affected so many people and changed the lives of some in a negative way. I don't question God's Will, but I don't understand it when things like this happen. I told Max - why couldn't he have stepped in gopher hole, tripped on barbed wire, not answered his phone that night, anything to stop this from happening. But I know in my heart that nothing could have stopped this, God called you home and you knew it was time to leave as there is something only you can do, some ceremony or prayer that you will be conducting for all of our people. While we mourn for you and miss you every day, we also know that you are here helping us and will continue to be close to our hearts. We don't say Goodbye, we say I'll see you again sometime, so that is how I will close this message to you. As we watch your Sons grow from boys into men, we will see you and all the goodness you blessed us with during your short time here on earth.

March 25, 2004

People come into your life for a Reason, Season or a Lifetime.

When you know which one it is for a person, you will knkow what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!

They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, one of you will say or do something to bring that relationship to and end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a SEASON.

LIFETIME relationships teach you life time lessons: Things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind, but friendship clairvoyant.

Josh, thank you for being my Reason, Season and my Lifetime!

Josh's friend who loved him beyond words

March 15, 2004

Josh, just wanted to let you know that Guderjahn, Bruyer and I just completed a week of Defensive Tactics Instructing at the Academy. We also had a couple of new instructors that you did not instruct with. It's not the same without you in the gym with us. We all had your Badge Number (24-6) embroidered on our DT sweatshirts. When we are asked what the number is for, we talk about you and what you mean to us. Keep the "Beat" safe up there and God Bless your family and friends.
ALWAYS REMEMBERED, NEVER FORGOTTEN 24-6
EOW: 05-29-2003

Lieutenant Brien Gault
Glasgow Police Department

March 14, 2004

Josh,

I am beginning to get a clearer picture of that night. Some questions are being answered. Doesn't change the outcome but at least I am starting to understand that night. I have been so angry that LJ stole you life. But I wanted you to know that I miss and love you so much. I am so proud of you.

Love you

March 12, 2004

Joshua,

I was reading all the recent reflections today, and alot of people miss you and wished that they could have saved you. As for F G, I totaly respect you for saving my buddy's life and doing everything that you could, but don't be so down on yourself ok? there is only so much one person can do in situations like that. Josh is very grateful to you and i know that he is watching over you right now, showing you in some way to comfort you & showing his gratitude for you. Josh, I hope you read these reflection some how, and just know that you were loved by so many people, and L J will get his day soon!. And watch over F G and give him comfort, so he doesn't blame himself for that night. Love You buddy!

March 7, 2004

Josh,

It has been a long time since that awful night, but yet I see you running in the alley every day/night. If I only knew then
what I know now, I would have tackled you, helped you more
with LJ, something. There is not a day or night that goes by
that I don't think about that night and you. I see your smiling
face in the reflections page, and think about then, when I saw
you in the field. I was thinking (or maybe praying) that when
I came up to you, you would be cussing because of the
pain, or that you were shot. Somehow, I knew it was the
worst when you didn't blink from the flashlight. After I determined that you were gone, it felt like walking back to
the highway was 5 miles long. I remember LJ saying some-
thing to me, but I told him what he could do to himself, and
had to tell Loren and Scott you were gone. When I took the
FB Ambulance crew down there, Chris wanted to come and
help, but I knew he thought the world of you and I didn't
want him to see you as I found you.

As I was out there in the field with you for the next 3 and half
hours, I was remembering things of you, in the shop, the
time we had a few drinks together uptown, the kids and the
BB guns, you know fun things, I didn't want to think about
you laying there, like that.

I told Glen in June, I had the best opportunity to shoot LJ,
when Loren & I was standing there trying to get LJ to stop
and while Loren was telling me he was dizzy and was putting
his head on the top of the cop car. While I had my hand on
his hand, I could have squeezed the trigger finger and shot
that SOB. How now do I wish I would have...he is still
awaiting trial and is being taken care of by the state.

Glen, Marvin and even Maxine have told me that even in
a trauma center, they could not have saved you, but it doesn't
negate the fact, I feel I let you down. The things that go
through my mind daily of the things I could have, should
have done from the time you arrived at Mary's trailer to the
end. I really thought you had LJ taken care of when you
told him just to stay down and make it easier on himself and
telling Chris & I you would take it over from there. I really
thought you had him and in fact I told Loren that, but it wasn't to be was it?

There is times so many times I wanted to talk to your mom and tell her everything, times I want to talk to someone, but
I don't...I keep everything inside and am waiting for the day
that I can a judge and a jury my knowledge of that night, &
believe you me Josh, I remember everything as if it just
happened tonight. My only regret is I wish I could have done
more for you, Josh, and the fact is, I think I let you down,
and for that I am sorry Bud. I live with that facet everyday
and will live it for the rest of my life.

I know the Lord heard my prayer that night, do you remember it ? At least he answered it and you are in His arms, and watching over your family. Take care Josh, and
for the gadzillionth time, I am sorry.

Fred

Fred Green
None - civlian

March 5, 2004

Josh,

I can't believe it's been 9 months already! and in 2 months it's going to a year since you've been gone, and i still feel shocked about the whole thing. I'm so used to seeing you around Harlem and that big smile of yours, You know it's kinda weird how you think stuff like this doesn't happen around Harlem, Mt. I always wondered if there was any way of anybody saving you at the time, and what was going through your mind at the moment. I wished nobody was hurt and killed at that time, but things don't always happen the way they should huh? That Jackson guy, should of just given up and took responsibility for his actions, instead he was being the stupid guy he is, and just Shot you for no appereant reason, thinking that was his easy way out. But now, he will suffer every day of his life, and i hope that he thinks of you every single day and has nightmares so bad that it get's the best of him. everybody around home here, misses you dearly and i read these reflections everyday, and how you inspired most people is just awsome! I read your Mother's letters to you, and i know it is so hard for her to accept that your gone, but like she said, she will one day too see you again. And i Know your son's will turn out like you, they had a really good father who taught them well. And i know Thomas will do everything he can to make you proud of him, and i think he knows how proud of him you were of him and how much You loved Him, and i believe that he knows that you will always love him and watch over him. It is so very hard to lose a parent, i have lost my father 9 years ago, and it just feels like yesterday, and he keeps me going every day. And i hope that will help for your boys and family. You will never die in thier way, you will live on forever in thier hearts. I don't know what else to really say. But i do miss you and i hope your mother will get better strength, i know your memorial is coming up, just know that your mother and family will be well taken care of! you have alot of freinds that are like family to you, who will give support to them at the most difficult time.

Laterz,

Georgette

March 3, 2004

Hey there friend, it's been nine months since your departure. I sit here and wonder how I could have made it through the past nine months without you. I guess it validates what you always used to tell me, "you're stronger than you give yourself credit for." Although, I never thought I would be demonstrating my strength by living without you....

I miss you so much. I still pick up the phone, ready to call you or think about you at home with your boys, then I remember that you are not there. I cannot begin to explain the emptiness that I find when I come to this realization.

Recently, you have come to me in my dreams and I thank you for that. It give me great comfort to see your smiling face. I'm happy that you come to visit. I know you continue to watch over all of your loved ones.

In the next three months I will prepare myself to let you continue your journey. As a year will have passed and I want to see you become all you are meant to be on the other side. I have not doubt that you have big plans in store.

Savor the time spent here, but look forward to the great things in your future. Love you!

February 29, 2004

Josh,

Its been almost 9 months. Time seems to drag by without you. I sure do miss our Sunday morning visits. Your memorial is coming up in three months. It will hard to say goodbye for the final time. Decided that we would have your twenty gun salute that I couldn't bear at your funeral for you at your memorial. Thomas, Teague, Tammy, Berta and I will be going to National Police Week on May 12-17. It going to seem pretty harsh to see your name on the police wall so we are going the day before so we can do our crying in private.

I know it is an honor for you to have your name engraved on the wall but I think it will be all about reality slapping us in the face. You earned your spot but I definately wish you would of killed the killer instead of the other way around. The world would of been a better place with his death because he is such a piece of crap.

Your friends and family have been busy getting ready for your memorial. Thomas might have to cut the grass if the weather is nice enough to have it outside other wise we will go to the Bingo Hall. I didn't realize that you knew so many people. I'll give your dad a bronco hat for you.

Well I continue to miss you but I know that I will get to see you one day. Tell your Gram and the rest of family over there with you that we miss and love them.

Love
Mom

February 27, 2004

Hey Joshua,

I wish you were still here with us, sometimes as i drive around the big city of "Harlem"....lol. I think about you, and remembering how you used to park your unit by EZMART and by carquest looking out for everybody. I wish i could see your smile and your face, you always looked happy and never sad. You had so much to live for.....and your killer took all that away from you, and he probably didn't realize what he was taking away from your family. I miss you so much, while you are gone, he's going sit for the rest of his days and hopefully realize what he has done and he'll pay for it for the rest of his life. But i guess that is up to God and other people huh? I drive by you house once in awhile and i keep thinking your patrol car is parked in your drive-way and your inside playing your XBOX with your boys, like you always did. Then Reality sets in, and i have to face that your gone and never coming back. But i will see you someday! I know your Grandma Maxine is probably glad that your with her and helping her watch over your family and the friends of your family. I really Loved Maxine, she was the kindest woman i knew and she gave great dicipline in my day!.......lol. Well.....Officer Rutherford watch over us ok? and guide the new Police officers we have on our task force! especially Kindergarden Cop!.........I think Cory can use your help right now buddy!.........lol. you must of partly trained him huh? he has your stubborness in him, i also know that he misses you alot and is thankful for knowing you in that short time he did and i know he must be very, very thankful that you were the one to help him in the law enforcement area. I love You Sweety! and i will continue to think and love you as my friend and will keep you alive in my heart forever, and as long as i live.......and afterwards.......

Josh's good freind who misses him!

February 24, 2004

Uncle, I miss you. I think about the time you handcuffed me and Tom, and let us ride in the back of your cop car. I wish I had more time with you. I will always be "your girl". I love you.

ru ru

February 9, 2004

Joshua,

I don't even know what to say. I speak to your mother a lot, and she misses you terriblely. She is such a strong women, someone to admire and look up to. I'm getting to know you through her. This May she will be going to Police week, and I will be going too. Sadly this year I have another officer to honor, though I wish I did not. You're photo speaks volumes of you. I looked at it and couldn't help but smile!

Rest in Peace brother, and know your family will always be taken care of. ALWAYS!

See you on the other side!

Bobbie Schwartz
Sister to Jason Schwartz EOW 9.28.01

Bobbie

February 5, 2004

Hello Josh,

I can't believe it's been 8 months already! and soon to be 9. we all miss you around here, and miss that smile you always had!.........and that most handsome face. I wish i could see your face just one more time, you were always my Mentor. Seems like alot's happend since you have been gone. But Just Know and Remember that Roberta has always Loved You and will Continue Loving you for the rest of her days, as well as your 2 Sons that Just love the hell out of you every single day. you know, i seen this one person that almost looked exactly like you! it was just crazy, and just blew me away, i guess that is true. that we all have a twin somewherez in this world. But anyways, i just wanted to Tell you that i Love You, and you are thought of every single day! and I know Valentines Day is coming up, and just know that your sweetheart is thinking of you on that day! Happy V-day! Laterz.

A Close Friend, that misses you dearly!

February 5, 2004

Josh,

Eight months since you left for your new beat. I miss you so much it hurts.

January 29, 2004

Joshua,
You were an good friend of mine, it was a terrible thing seeing you in that casket, remembering the way we used to be in our younger years, the conversations we had and when I returned from the Army, I ran into you only one month before on a warm Spring sunny day, who would've known that some one we both knew would do this to you.
It's different to those of us who knew what life was like for you and in our communities.
Rest In peace Josh, another tribal brother from Ft.Belknap, Montana.
LeRoy LongKnife, Jr

Army Vet LeRoy LongKnife, Jr
Fort Belknap Police

January 23, 2004

Josh, I found myself thinking about you and your family today while working my shift. That is what brought me to the officer down website. I spent quite a bit of time reading through all of the reflections and I started to reflect on some of the occasions that I had the opportunity to work with you. As it has been said numerous times, your passion for your family and your job was unparralled. My respect for you and your dedication to our profession is shared byall that knew you. Thinking and reading about you brought me to reflecting on our other Montana brother that died in this new millenium. I think of both of you often and feel that you are watching over all of us that wear our badge of honor and put it on the line each and every day.

Sr. Special Agent Greg Sandsness
BNSF Railroad Police

January 10, 2004

Haopy New Year baby

January 1, 2004

May God be with Josh's family. He was truly a great warrior and will be sorely missed.

Deputy Sheriff
Vernon County, Mo

December 31, 2003

JOSH, I HAD THE PLEASURE TO MET YOU WHEN WE FIRST STARTED OUR LAW-ENFORCEMENT ADVENTURE BACK AT OFFICER BASIC. I KNOW YOU WILL WATCH OVER US KNOW FROM ABOVE AND GUIDE US TO SAFTEY WHEN ITS NEEDED.

WATCH OVER US BROTHER AS YOU ARE STILL NEED FOR GUIDENCE. I KNOW YOU WON'T LET ME DOWN!!

WADE NASH
LAKE COUNTY SHERIFFS OFFICE

DEPUTY SHERIFF WADE NASH
LAKE COUNTY SHERIFFS OFFICE ,MT

December 25, 2003

When God Made Deputy Sheriffs

When the Lord was creating Deputy Sheriffs, He was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said,
"You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the requirements on this
order? A Sheriff’s Deputy has to be able to run five miles through alleys in the dark, scale walls, enter homes the health inspector wouldn't touch, and not wrinkle their uniform."

"They have to be able to sit in an undercover car all day on a stakeout, cover a homicide scene that night, canvass the neighborhood for witnesses, and testify in court the next day."

"They have to be in top physical condition at all times,
running on black coffee and half-eaten meals, and they have to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "Six pairs of hands . . . no way!!"

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord, "it's the three pairs of eyes an officer has to have."

"That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees through a bulge in a pocket before they ask, 'May I see what's in there, sir?'" (when they already know and wish they'd taken that accounting job) "Another pair here in the side of their head for their partner's safety, and another pair of eyes here in front so they can look reassuringly at a bleeding victim and say, 'You'll be alright, ma'am,' when they know it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching His sleeve, "rest and work on this tomorrow."

"I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can talk a 250 pound drunk into a patrol car without incident and feed a family of five on a civil service paycheck."

The angel circled the model of the Deputy Sheriff very slowly. "Can it think?" she asked.

"You bet," said the Lord, "it can tell you the elements of a hundred crimes, recite Miranda warnings in its sleep, detain, investigate, search, and arrest a gang member on the street in less time than it takes five learned judges to debate the legality of the stop . . . and still it keeps its sense of humor. This Deputy also has phenomenal personal control. They can deal with crime scenes painted in hell, coax a confession from a child abuser, comfort a murder victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how law enforcement isn't sensitive to the rights of criminal suspects."

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the Deputy Sheriff. "There's a leak," she pronounced, "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear."

"What's the tear for?" asked the angel.

"It's for bottled-up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the American flag, for justice."

"You're a genius," said the angel.

The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there," He said.

Anonymous

December 17, 2003

Son,

Another delay in LJ's omnibus hearing. The judge had an illness in the family so the hearing is postponed untill the 22nd of this month. I told Yvonne to take her time and do the job right so he has no possibility of appeal. So no trial date or time but I know that you have this under control. We will get Justice. I miss you.

Love,

Mom

December 9, 2003

Josh, I did not know you. I moved to Helena a few days before your death from Ohio after my husband, a fellow deputy, was murdered. I recall very vividly where I was when I heard the tragic news of your death. Know that you, your family, friends, and co-workers have all been in my thoughts and prayers the last few months. I too will return to DC next year to honor you and the others. It is my hope to seek out your mother, family, and fellow survivors here in Montana and help them in any way that I can. Thank you Josh for your service. Your memory lives on in the spirit and mind of others.......just as my husband's does. Your death was not in vain. I will pray to give your family and friends the continued strength they need.

Jennifer Tanner-Wife
Dep. Robert Tanner EOW 1/08/02

December 5, 2003