Sergeant Rod Barron Lucas

My brother,

On All Hallows Eve you died. A time we celebrate Christ’s victory over sin, death, and the devil. You are by my side. Always. Ready to do battle.

Time passes my friend, but not for you. In my heart you are unchanged. Like Ponyboy, staying golden. Forever. A loop reel runs in my head. Missing you. Your death is a wave that keeps coming. Like Sisyphus, pushing that rock. Over and over. Huge, breathtaking waves in the fall of 2016. Rollers that smashed me to the ground, disoriented, leaving me bewildered and lost. Heartbroken.

With the passing of time, the breakers seem to spread out further. Life here goes on. I work in a forest now. I know you’re happy for me, cheering me on. Thirty plus years of 911 to ponder. To process. You knew. You had the scars. And yet you balanced it. So strong. I still do battle with darkness, but am grateful for the journey. Grateful for the peace. Grateful for the joy.

I pray for you, speak to you, ask for your prayers, in the quiet of our Lords evergreen landscape. Which you loved, and still do.

The October swell looms on the horizon. I can see it, I can feel it. But, it’s okay. I’m at peace with being vulnerable. I want to feel the wave pour over me. You were real. You walked this earth. I will never forget you. Never. You’re laughing, flashing that pure smile. I’m listening to Blink 182, “I miss you”, when he shouts “Where are you, and I’m so sorry…” the wave hits. God I miss you Rod, I’m sorry we lost you. Stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

Nature’s first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf’s a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

~ Robert Frost
 

Patrick Hanson
Friend

October 31, 2023