Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Patrol Officer James F. Knapp

Cook County Sheriff's Police Department, Illinois

End of Watch Wednesday, January 4, 2006

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Reflections for Patrol Officer James F. Knapp

Another cold and lonely Christmas without you darling. I can hardly believe that within some few days I will not have held you, touched you or kissed your face in 5 years. It hurts so badly. I so very much miss your hugs. The pain never subsides and not many understand that. Just other survivors. So I cling to them. I have made some very good friends, unfortunately, because of losing you. All of us are in a club we don't want to be in. But we all have our angels. What a Police Department Heaven has! Happy New Year baby. I say that just to say it as I am never going to be happy until we meet again.



Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

December 26, 2010

I miss you carving the Thanksgiving turkey and making your special mashed potatoes. But mostly I miss your love for me and for your family. You were a very wonderful husband, son and father.

Eternally yours,


Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

November 25, 2010

04 October 2010

Most say the pain should have eased a bit,
yet it has not gone away.

It will always stay a part of me,
until I join you one day.

I send my love to you,
from all my heart to yours.

Just think, a Birthday spent in Heaven means
you spent it with the Lord.

I miss you more than ever, especially today. Happy Birthday my angel.

Yours eternally,


Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

October 4, 2010

You are not just a name on a wall. You are my whole world carved in stone.

For eternity,

Your loving wife Grace

^Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

August 30, 2010


If I had a single flower for every time I thought about you, I could walk forever in our garden."

Love eternally,


Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

August 4, 2010

Yesterday would have been our 8th wedding anniversary. When I think of all of the wonderful things we could have and would have done together since you died I am truly saddened. Yet knowing that all of those things that we could have and would have done would be wonderful, loving things for each other, I am somehow happy. Because I know what a great husband I had and not many people can really say that and mean it. So, for all of the things we didn't get to do together, Happy Anniversary my Angel.



Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

June 29, 2010


We have returned from the Springfield Police Memorial. We had some good times and shared many tears. I was blessed once again to be escorted by Jeff. And Cathy sat with us as she will always be part of our family too.That will be our new traditon now - Cathy with us. I rode down and roomed with Donna Marquez, P/O Donald Marquez's sister. She is a very special person. I met some new friends. And I saw Jim Edgar who you always liked. I will never forget the Bush/Edgar bodyguard story. Seeing him brought the story back to mind and gave me a well needed laugh. I have a hard time attending memorials but I'm better off for doing so. I met up with many CCSPD Officers and thanked them for being there. They are so respectful of you and of me. I am so very proud to be your wife.I carry you in my heart for now and for eternity. I love you and miss you with all of my heart.


Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving SPouse

May 9, 2010

Angel, I'll be leaving soon for Springfield to honor you and all the other fallen ones at the Annual Police Memorial. Jeff will be there as my escort. He never ceases to amaze me. You make sure you look down on him and take care of him and Cathy always. Shawn wanted to be there but cannot take the time off (still a rookie after all this time!) He will be there in spirit.I know you have his back. More tears, some good friends and some new widows to console. Your song "Amazing Grace" will move me as usual. Ask God for all of us to have a safe trip there and back and for the sun to shine on all of us during the ceremony. I love you and I will (as always) do you proud. Your adoring wife, Grace

Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

May 3, 2010

Well my Brother The Memorial is complete. It wasn't easy, but what is. I was honered to live up to my promise. It will be at 1401 for all to see. God Bless Jimmy, I know you are keeping all of your Brothers and Sisters safe. I will escort your lovely Bride in Springfield at The police Memorial. Not to worry, I got this. She will never stand alone.

Investigator Jeff Lange

April 17, 2010

My Darling Husband, Here is a poem for you.

"Rainbows appear on dreary rainy days.
They beautify the world for a few brief moments.
These moments, however, can be spectacular.
YOU, however, were MY brief rainbow.
You entered my life and stayed but for a short while.
Nonetheless, the memories of those moments,
when you blessed me with laughter and delight, joy and smiles,charm and beauty, gaiety and happiness, mischief and
silliness, sunlight and moonbeams, giggles and LOVE AD INFINITUM,
made the deluge , the tears of pain and anger, helplessness and fear, insanity and agony, sadness and heartbreak, emptiness and loneliness
Rainbows, however brief,
Make the world a brighter lovelier place.
How grateful I am that I had YOU, MY brief rainbow."

I am with you now and I will take my rightful place with you in Heaven for eternity and no one and nothing can change that. Your loving wife, Grace

Lt.Grace M.Castillo Knapp(Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

April 2, 2010

"And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." - Khalil Gibran

Another survivor just shared this with me. ANd now I'm sharing it with you my angel.
Yours for eternity,


Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

March 21, 2010

Darling Husband,

On 29 March 2010, finally, a dedication ceremony will be held to retire your star. It's been a long road getting here but we have arrived with the help of some wonderful people. I have asked your ex-wife to have the boys at the ceremony. I hope that they can attend. It will be quite a big celebration from what I hear and you and your co-workers who also lost their lives in the line of duty will be respected and honored that day. You deserve it honey. I'll be there front and center to see you get honored for all that you gave for your job. I can't gaurantee that I won't cry; in fact I know I will. I know you don't like it when I cry. But maybe this time they will be tears of happiness. You are my angel, my hero and my forever love. Grace

Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

March 17, 2010

"I belong to my beloved and my beloved belongs to me." How true of what we felt for each other. An how true it will be in eternity my love. Happy Valentine's Day.

Your loving wife,


Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (RET.)
Cook County Sheriff/Surviving Spouse

February 15, 2010

Dear Jim,
We never really met. You were out with a back injury for a long time and I was just starting to really get used to the idea of being the Police. I did however, know your wife Grace. She was my instructor in the academy when I got hired as a Deputy in 1998. She thought she was sooo tough. Her and her liturature about women empowerment. Her positive attitude about every freaking thing, it went on and on and on through the whole academy. With my luck, when I was tranferred to Juvenile so was she. So now here is Lieutenant Grace talking about keeping in shape and eating a healthy diet during roll call blah blah blah. I remember thinking, I swear doesnt this woman ever get pissed? (Ugh. Then I saw that side, we wont go in to THAT side). When I was assigned there I had an idea about a school supply fund raiser for the kids that were going there because of abuse and neglect cases with their parents. I took the idea to Lieutenant Positive and she flew away with it. Because of her, it was a success. I realized then I had learned something from all her preachings. Your only as strong as you believe you are and if you want something done, then DO IT. Fast forward through the years, I got on the Police Department and everytime I saw Lt. Grace she had the biggest hug for me. She always would drag me to nearest person (if it was another officer, co-worker, criminal waiting for court, it didnt matter to her) and talk about what a wonderful person I was and how proud of me she was. Little did SHE know I never followed her diet plan. My point here, is that you married a wonderful person, who finally, got what she deserved when she received the love you gave her. I cannot tell you how sorry I am for you both that your time was cut short, way to short. I know you are watching her and your family from your beat in Heaven and please know that Lt. Grace's law enforcement family has her back down here. I will pray that your son Bobby gets better from the pain he has felt as obviously stated here on this page and I will keep you and Grace always in my prayers. Thank You Jim for your service.

Sergeant Rita T. Mendez
Cook County Sheriff's Police

January 4, 2010

Thinking of you and your family today. May you rest in peace...we won't let you be forgotten.


January 4, 2010

You left this Earth for Heaven four years ago today. You left suddenly and you left behind everything you loved about your life - me, your wife, your sons, your job, your parents, your brother. But we know that even though we cannot touch you or hear your voice today that you are still here. And we know that you will NEVER leave us any more than we would leave you. And that's what keeps me alive - that you are still here and that I will reunite with you when it's my turn to go Home. I miss you. I love you.



Lt. Grace Castillo Knapp (Ret.CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

January 4, 2010

My Thoughts And Prayers Are With You And Your Family Today..You Went Home To Be With Our Lord Four Years Ago Today, But For Your Family And Co-Workers It Seems Just Like Yesterday. I Pray That God Ease's The Pain Of Todays Memory For Your Family,Friends And Co-Workers.
+Rest In Heavenly Peace My Brother+

Deputy Sheriff Alan M. Lazarus #10229
Cook County Sheriff"s Department, Cook County IL.

January 4, 2010


Christmas just passed. Four Chirstmases without you now. I can hardly believe it. I look outside at the snow and ice and I am so cold without you. Some days I don't know how much more I can withstand. Say hi to Bruce. Thank him for his loving family that I was able to spend Christmas Day with.

Eternally in love with you,


Lt.Grace Castillo Knapp (Retired CCSD)
Surviving Spouse

December 28, 2009


I can remember many times we had working gangs together in Harvey,Ford Heights & other south areas. You were always a good guy and a pleasure to work along with. I never had any doubt that you would do anything other than the right thing.

I felt bad when you were going thru the difficulties and pain from your back injuries. You seemed to always gut it out thru the discomfort and do the right thing for your loving family.

The two worst days in my 30 years on the police department were the day my classmate Mike Ridges was gunned down and the 2nd was the day I responded as the Investigations Commander and I saw you for the last time at Christ Hospital.

I wish you were able to finish your career and get to retirement with your family at your side. God Bless you my friend.

Say hello to Mike Ridges and all the rest .......

John McQuinn (Commander-Retired 2009)

John P. McQuinn (Retired Commander)
Cook County Sheriffs Police

December 15, 2009

Taking Time On This Day Of Thanksgiving To Remember The Brothers That Have Gone Before Us.It Is Sad That You Are Not Here With Us On This Day, But We Give Thanks For The Time You Were With Us, And We Honor The Ultimate Sacrifice You Made. +Rest In Heavenly Peace Brother+

Deputy Sheriff Alan M. Lazarus #10229
Cook County Sheriff's Department, IL.

November 26, 2009

Today would have been your birthday and again I am without you. No celebration in this cold empty house. You got another award from a very gracious memorial association from Washignton DC. Make sure you tell Mom. It will displayed next to your star when it is retired which I hear is soon. The Department is building a display case to honor you and the other fallen ones. Keep your angel eyes on Jeff and Cathy. I miss you and love you to the moon and back. Send me a hug. Especially today...........

Eternally in love with you,


Lt.Grace M. Knapp (surviving Spouse)
Cook County Sheriff - Retired

October 4, 2009

Hi Sweetheart.

I thought of you on Father's Day. I will always remember how much pride you took in being a Dad. It only made me love you more.

I still do. I always will.

I only miss you when I 'm breathing....

Love eternally,


Lt. Grace M. Knapp (Retired) Spouse
Cook County Sheriff

June 22, 2009

Forgive me for missing the anniversary of your E.O.W., but I felt as though I could not continue to read about so many tragedies. I now realize the visit each day to leave a word of encouragement and hope to the loved ones of others, helps me to remember that I am not alone with my pain and heartbreak. So may I say to your friends and loved ones that my thoughts and prayers are with them now and always. Continue to keep watch over them and those still out on patrol and may they know you will never be forgotten.

James Sheppard
Father of Sgt. Jason L. Sheppard EOW 12/7/06

February 19, 2009

3 years without you. I don't know the pain, but I hope your family takes advantage of the services that are available to them. There are so many
others who have unfortunately had to travel this road and they will be the
best ones to help them thru this tragedy. May this year bring them one step closer to healing. I am soooo sorry for your huge loss. Without the Lord, we could not stand.
Lynn Kole
Bellingham, WA


January 4, 2009

Darling Husband,

Today is Thanksgiving and another holiday without you. It just doesn't get any better sweetheart. But on this day, I am thankful that God gave me the incredible gift of time with you. Pray for me and Bobby.

I love you so very much,


Lt. Grace M. Knapp (Retired)
Surviving Spouse

November 27, 2008

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