Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Faith - you have been on my mind and in my prayers a lot lately. I found this on a website, and thought of you.

When you wonder the meaning of life and love
Know that I am with you.

Close your eyes and feel me kissing you
In the gentle breeze across your cheek.

When you begin to doubt
that you shall ever see me again,
Quiet your mind and hear me.
I am in the whisper of the heavens
Speaking of your love.

When you lose your identity,
When you question who you are,
and where you are going,
Open your heart and see me.

I am the twinkle in the stars
smiling down upon you,
Lighting the path for your journey.

When you awaken each morning
not remembering your dreams,
But feeling content and serene
Know that I am with you
Filling your nights with thoughts of me.

When you linger in the remnant pain,
Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar,
Think of me.

Know that I am with you
Touching you through shared tears
of a gentle friend
Easing the pain .

As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky
In that breathtaking brilliance,
awaken your spirit.

Think of our time together,
all too brief, but ever brilliant.

When you are certain of us together,
When you are certain of your destiny,
Know that God created that moment
in time, just for us.

I am with you always.

A Friend
SHPD

October 11, 2007

Dear Mark,


Lily spent the night with me Saturday night. I met Yvonne and Michelle at a Burger King and got the kids. We ate and then went to the show to see Playbook. It was hilarous. No swearing, nudity,just laughs. The kids liked it. They had a good time playing for a little while before bed. Lily always has lots of questions and is so lovable.
I love and miss you.


Love Mom

October 8, 2007

Daddy,

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Our car is still red but we don't have a durango. I love you forever. I had the kissing hand book.

love
lily
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

October 4, 2007

Yvonne, Lily & Family,
I'm often drawn to Mark's page. Your husband/father was a great man that left this world way too soon. Always remember that he is a Hero and will never be forgotten.

Deputy J. Eriksen
Oakland County Sheriff's Office

October 2, 2007

Dear Mark,

Dad and I went to Lily's soccer game this morning. What a hoot. The girls don't really get practice time just kind of short games. Matt taught Lily to block using her arm and not pushing kids down. It was so funny because she would go up behind the girls and block them from the back with her arm bent in front of her. We told her to go to the ball and kick it. She tried and she did get to kick it into play a couple of times. It was all so cute and funny too. She would make a good defensive football player. She's got too much girlie in her (like her mother) Just kidding Yvonne.
Anways after the game we went to eat in dowtown Romeo. It was a great morning.
Tomorrow we go to Michelle's to watch Alexis and Kyle while they go to a wedding.
Fall is here and time is flying. That helps on my mental state. Less time to think and dwell on things I can't do a darn thing about.
I miss you and love you.

Love Mom

September 29, 2007

I JUST WISH THAT I COULD OF MET YOU... I HAVE HEARD SO MANY GREAT THINGS ABOUT YOU FROM YOUR CLOSEST FAMILY AND THINK OF YOU OFTEN.

September 26, 2007

Daddy,

I love you. Tell God I want you to come down. I love you so much, I will miss you forever. I hope you miss me. I love you.

lily
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

September 25, 2007

Dear Mark,

Last night we went out to Michelle's and watch Kettering beat Pontiac Central in football. Bub played for Kettering and Alexis was a cheerleader for the first quarter. Alexis did a good job and Bub was awesome. He played defense and awesome. It was so wierd watching them. It brought back a lot of memories when we use to go to your games.
Then today we went to Kyle's football game. His team did a great job too. The quaterback threw the ball to Kyle and he passed it for a good yardage twice. You would be proud of him.
Next week we are going to Lily's soccer game. We are excited to go see her play too. I will let you know how that goes next week.
I love and miss you so much.

Love Mom

P,S, I know that Donnie is the one who left the CD on your marker. Always On My Mind.

September 22, 2007

Mark,

Lily started soccer two weeks ago. She loves playing. After the first game she started crying because it was over! She still doesn't quite understand that she can't use her hands. She got right in the middle of three little girls kicking the ball and picked it up and ran. It was so funny. Her team name is the "blueberries." We bought her new soccer cleats (with hot pink on them, of course), shin guards, a ball, and a sports bottle. She looks so cute. She plays every Saturday through October.

She also started preschool. She has the same teacher as last year and alot of the same kids are in there with her. She loves school. She keeps talking about a book they read and saying "toasty warm thoughts." She was a little upset the first day because I packed jello for her snack and there was no "whoop" cream on it. Other than that, she is doing great.

Your mom had Lily Saturday and took her out to Michelle's and then had her stay the night at her house. On the way to pick her up on Sunday, I stopped at the cemetery. I hadn't been there in a while. It is still so hard seeing your name on the marker. I hope you saw the picture of Lily that I left. Someone left a Willie Nelson CD "You are always on my mind." It is nice to know that others stop there as well. I sat there on the grass talking and crying. It is so hard to have a one sided conversation. We always had a good time talking with one another.

I spent a few hours at your parents house. It was nice to hang out with your mom. We talked about a lot of stuff, including how you were as a kid. (Lily's personality is just like yours.) She gave Lily a pin she found that has a picture of you and her when you played little league football.

Tonight when Lily went to bed she started saying "good night daddy Mark, good night grandma Florence,.." She said she was saying good night to all of the angels she knew. She said you twice and said it was because she loved you lots. She asked me if angels had wings. She said she thinks that God remakes angels and lets them come back down. I didn't want her to see that I was crying, but she's too smart to not notice. She said she misses you and loves you. I told her I do too.

That got me thinking again about how unfair it is that she doesn't know you. The pain of that is exruciating. She won't even remember you when she's older except for what we tell her and the pictures and videos we show her. She will never be able to experience the love that her daddy has for her. It's just so wrong and unfair for both of you. Lily is a very happy child, and I hope that this is all much more painful for me than it will ever be for her.

I wanted to go to spouses retreat this year, but I am in my last trimester and with being so sick, I can't fly. I will miss talking and sharing with the other widows. I learned so much the last two years that I went. I hope I will be able to go next year. It really helps me in dealing with alot of issues that come up with raising Lily.

I am off of work now because of how sick I have been. I am glad that I have these two months to spend so much one on one time with Lily. Last week was a rough week for her with some poor behavior. Four is a rough age, she is so headstrong! The last two days with her have been great. When she smiles it just lights up my life.

I asked her yesterday what our game plan for today should be. She said "we can play the game Sorry." I had to explain what 'game plan' meant. Then she said "our game plan can be going to Chuck E Cheese." She cracks me up.

We bought a dream catcher for her room. She picked it out, and of course it has pink feathers. I was hoping that it would help with her bad dreams. She still has them once in awhile. Before bed tonight she had me rock her in her rocking chair. She asked alot about you and talked about when she is older. She said she wants to live with me forever and have kids and I'll be the Grandma. That warms my heart, as it means you will live forever through her.

We love you so much.
Yvonne
xoxoxo

September 18, 2007

Yvonne,
I have been drawn to your reflections to Mark for a very long time now, I draw strength from your words. When you told Mark about getting remarried and the new baby I almost cried, how wonderfully amazing you found such love again. I truely believe you had such a good marriage you weren't afraid to love again. People who don't 'heal' or 'live' again are hurting themselves. Bless you Mark for allowing Yvonne and Lily happiness. Yvonne your amazing.

Texas

September 12, 2007

Dear Mark,


School is back in session and that is probably good because it keeps me pretty busy and I don't have so much time to think about everything.
Michelle got her new built in pool up and running complete with heater, slide and diving board. The kids love it. We are going out there today and I was going to take Lily but I think Diane and Steve are taking her to Frankenmuth. She starts pre-school tomorrow. I know she will love it and they will probably want to bump her all the way to third grade because she is so smart. Once she can read really good she will be smarter than everyone (teachers included)!!haha
Anyways, you are always on my mind. Time has healed nothing.
I love and miss you so much.
Love Mom

September 9, 2007

Daddy,

I'm still your princess. I love you forever. I love you so much. My heart I love you. Inside my heart I still love you. In heaven I still love you forever and ever and ever.

ooooooooooxox0ooooooooooooooxooxoxoxoooooooooxoxoxxoooooxoxox

lily

September 8, 2007

I'm thinking about you.

SHPD

September 4, 2007

Mark,

Rich came over the other night. I gave him some of your weight equipment. He was so happy to have it. I know he will put it to use. He took it all apart and fit it into his little car. I didn't think it was going to fit, but he did it! It was so nice to spend some time with him. We talked about the night you two took me to the 'insane assylum'. (A condemned senior citizen's complex is what I think it was.) We laughed at that.

I asked him alot of questions about you working out. Mostly I knew the answers, but it was nice to hear his memories. We talked alot about my life now as well. At one point, just loooking at Rich, I got very sad. It's hard to see your friends sometimes. I guess because I almost always saw them with you. I wonder what it is like for them sometimes and how much they miss you. They were such an important part of your life. You spent so much time together working out, playing disc golf, cards, or whatever. Your friends are truly wonderful people. At one point I almost said to Rich, " I miss him so much." But I knew if I said that I would break down and cry. I didn't want to do that to him.

I also gave him your knit hat from Detroit that says detroit police and your academy year. I know he will wear it. I always feel better giving your things to people that you loved and that it means something to. I have not thrown anything away or sold anything of yours. I have either kept it or given it to someone important in your life. Call me crazy, but I just feel it would be wrong to do it any other way.

This morning I was making breakfast for Lily and Matt, and I was telling them how I can't cook eggs very well. I told them how you used to make the eggs and I did everything else. As I said that, the lights flickered in the kitchen. I think I was the only one who caught that. Thanks for the sign. It brightened my day to see it.

The other night Lily was very upset and wanted me to sleep in my bed. She said she was having bad dreams. I tried everything to get her to feel better. I told her to visualize the fun she was going to have at the State Fair with Grandma Faith the next day. I told her to tell the bad dreams to go away. Nothing worked, until I told her to picture her Daddy in her dream, because you would never let anything happen to her. She settled down after that and went to bed just fine. I walked out of her room, blew your pictures a kiss, and said 'make sure you're there with her.' Somehow, I think you heard.

We love you.
Yvonne
xoxoxo

August 31, 2007

Dear Mark,

Dad and I went to the State Fair with Michelle, Kyle and Alexis. We took Lily too. She loved it. They had a play for kids about fairy tales and dragons. Alexis and Lily got called up on stage. The one group of kids were suppose to act frightened and run back to their seats. Two other kids ran to their seats and Lily said I am not scared. The whole audience cracked up. The lady told her to pretend so she did and came back to her seat. She was so adorable up on stage. We went to the building that had all the newborn baby animals. Lily petted the little pig. She asked the lady by the ducklings a lot of questions. She wanted to know where the mommy and daddy were. The lady told her back at the farm. She wanted to know if the duckies could swim and why there was a ramp up to the litle pool. The lady could not believe all her questions. She said she was so smart for only four years old. When we came back home Alexis and Lily went swimming in the pool. We had a great time with all the kids. Kyle tried out for a traveling baseball team. He made the team so we will be going to NY when school is out. Kyle will be a pitcher. He pitched great in try-outs. Michelle and Steve just put in a gorgeous built in swimming pool. The slide and diving board will get installed in two weeks. Well that's about it. We all go back to working this week.
I love and miss you so much.

Love Mom

August 31, 2007

Yvonne,

You do not know me but I have read all of the wonderful reflections that have been left for Mark. My boyfriend is police officer and his department lost an officer in May 2006. I come here daily and check his page. I often look at other officers pages from Michigan, and Mark's reflections have touched me deeply. Yvonne you are so strong and brave. I wish you lots of luck in your new marriage and with the birth of your child. Reading about your recent wedding made me cry. Matt must be a amazing man and your are luck to have found love twice in your life. Lily is blessed to have such an awesome mother(and father).

Lily,

You are one special little girl. Not everyone is as luck you are to have so many people love you. Be a good girl and be nice to new brother or sister!

Faith,

Your love for your son is evident in all of your postings. I am glad to hear that Lily brings you some peace. You are and amazing mother and raised a wonderful son. It is wonderful to hear that you are still close with Yvonne, she loved your son so much.

Please know that Mark will never be forgot. From all that I have read he lives on in so many people. I for one will never forget him. I pray for all of you.

August 28, 2007

Dear Mark,

Last night was the 4th Annual Mark Sawyers Golf Outing. Steve did a great job putting it on. There were 28 officers from Sterling Heights including Kathy(she is the best). A lot of your friends were there, Tom, Rich, Mike, Bobby, Doug, John, Jason and maybe a couple that I missed. Steve's Dad and brothers played and won some money. Lily thanked everyone for coming and drew the tickets for the 50/50 and Alexis gave the door prizes out. Lily also sang "Downtown". She was so cute. She saw someone from S.H. and said I know him. It was so funny.He and I knew that he knew her from things honoring you but she didn't get that part. We both enjoyed that fact that she said hey I know you. Anyways everyone had a great time. After the tournament the group
went to a neighbor bar for some more fun. You were there too. Your presence was felt.
I fogot to tell you that when we were driving home the other night on I75, my light on the top of my car was flashing. I told Dad it was a sign that you were with us. He was trying to see if the door was open. I had drove 15 miles before the light came on and it flashed several times before it went off and stayed off. The first time that I saw a sign was in the kitchen and if Jason and Michelle had not been there no one would have believed me but they saw it too. The kitchen light went out. We were standing in the kitchen talking and all of a sudden it went out. I went over and flipped the switch and it came back on but you are the only one who could have made the light go out. People that have not lost loves ones do not look or realize that the signs are sent to give peace and hope in our journey that we travel on without our loved ones. I love it when I get a sign. It means so much. Non believers just do not understand what happens and how we learn to use it as a tool to help us cope. It is a loved one giving us a part of himself. showing us that they are there in spirit and share our love. Anyways it makes us feel so happy when we get signs. We do not share many of them because they are so personable but I wanted you to know that Dad saw the one in the car and we know that you were in spirit at the bar the other night.
Lily is getting so big. She still looks just like you. Only her hair is a little darker. She acts and talks like you too. She sleeps flat on her back most of the night, like you. I know you are as proud of her as we are of you.
I love you and miss you so much.

Love MOM

August 25, 2007

Hey Mark, We tried to get up to the tournament at Liberty last weekend but by the time time we got there on Sun. it was like the final 2 games! I did buy one of the shirts tho! I think Nathan was disappointed not to see your family and friends! He loves making the connection between them, you and Mike! And I think he likes their attention too!!! We think of you often and have many things to remind us of you!!!

Yvonne, first of all Congrats on your news and we hope all is well with you and the new baby! I can't imagine the roller caoster you must be on day to day, but I'm sure you know that Mark's love will be with you and Lily forever~~~ (as I feel the same with Mike) Making a decision to move forward isn't always moving ON and it's definitely healthy!!!!We do think of you guys alot and Nathan brings up memories in conversation still!!!

Our best wishes to you all, Kari&Chris Fry

Kari Fry

August 22, 2007

Mark,

We went out to Michelle's on Monday. Of course it rained, so we went and played glow in the dark putt putt. Lily had fun. She turns her hands funny on the golf club, but she gets it done her own way! She loved the bunny that's at Michelle's right now. She left with your mom and dad to stay the night at their house.

Matt and I went to Rainforest and ate dinner after leaving putt putt. I know you were with us all that day, because they sat us with this little ticket and they wrote #76 on it. It must of been the table number. They sat us right next to the big fish tank. Go figure that's were table 76 is, huh?

Lily is signed up for soccer in the fall. I'm still waiting for the information, but I am so excited for her. I hope she enjoys playing. She is finishing up her summer gymnastics, but I am going to enroll her again for the fall.

Lily's new thing is that she wants to be a farmer when she grows up. She keeps asking what all of her food is made of. She wouldn't eat her bacon the other day when I told her it came from a pig. She said she didn't want any food that was an animal! She pulled out all of her bacon from her sub. I was glad she didn't ask about the turkey meat!She asked how the animals died and who killed them. I tried to dodge those questions.

She had an animals class at the Sterling Heights nature center on Friday. They have alot of animals there that were hit by cars or found dead, and they preserved them for educational purposes. She kept asking which ones were dead and alive, and how they died. I often wonder if she asks these things because it's normal for her age, or because of all the knowledge and personal experience she has with death.

When we were leaving, she asked me about dinosaur bones and how they find them. The conversation progressed to the point where she asked about your body and being buried and what happened to your bones. I tried to explain that your body didn't work anymore, and that your soul is in heaven. She asked if you can walk in heaven. The idea of the soul is a tough concept for adults let alone a four year old.

Not only do I deal with losing you, but having the heavy burden of explaining life and death to our precious daughter at such a young age. I have no choice but to answer her as truthfully and honestly as I can. It breaks my heart to answer her questions. I only hope that this makes both her and I stronger in the long run.

One of the reasons I write on this page is to preserve for her the thoughts, ideas, and questions that she had. I want her to know what she went through as a toddler. I am sure that I will not remember some of her questions and when she asked them, so this helps me to do that.

It also helps me to document the little signs that we get. I hope that it will help her feel a special bond with you to read about those things that happened. Whether she chooses to believe them or not is okay, but I want her to have as much information as possible to help her in the future.

On a good note, Lily had a dentist appointment today, and she didn't have any cavities! Hooray! She did a great job. The hygienist was amazed at how much she talked and the questions she asked. It's pretty hard to clean her teeth when she's constantly talking!

Well, I better check on her and see what trouble she's into! We love you so much and miss you.

Yvonne
xoxoxo

August 22, 2007

Dear Mark,

We all went to the softball tournament the other night. I was dropped off on the field by an Oakland Cty. Helicopter with the game ball. It was so cool. I met a lot of nice people who sent their condolences over losing you. The homerun derby was a good one. Most of the finalist were from CA. I told them they should be there that they play ball 12 months out of the years and we have SNOW here and only play 6 months. They laughed.

Anyways, Yvonne and Lily are going with me to Michelle's on Monday. They put in an inground pool complete with heat, diving board and slide We are going to swim and then go out on the pontoon.
I just talked with Jason. He is such a good guy and puts up with so much. I feel so sorry for him. He is so nice and does not deserve any of the problems he has.

I ordered a big blue ribbon that will have your badge number on it for my patio (made of wood). I have the samller magnet on my car too.
My new plate is SHPD#76. People probably think I am obssessed with having anything that has your name, number or picture on it but if gives me a great deal of comfort. If I see somone else who wears or displays anything to do with you I feel so proud and happy that they want to remember and honor you.
School starts in two weeks and I am just about ready. I need to keep busy. I will probably wish we were back out of school in a month but that is how life is. We seems to want to move on to the next station instead of enjoying where we are.
Well Mark I was able to write more that I have for awhile.
I love and miss you very much. Not a day goes by hardly and hour that I don't think about you.

Love Mom

August 16, 2007

Mark,

The three of us watched the video tapes of the day Lily was born today. We haven't been able to watch them for two years, being that my videocamera was stolen in DC. Michelle told me last night to borrow someone's camera, and luckily, my friend Melissa left her camcorder here at the house. Matt had wanted to see more footage of you, and I knew Lily didn't remember me showing her the tapes.

Lily was laughing at herself as a baby. She was waving to you and asking why you were looking at her. (You had turned the camera on yourself in the birthing room and telling her about what was going on for her to see one day.) She asked lots of questions, and was excited to see various family members holding her in the hospital.

I had a weird dream the other night, the only thing I remember was being able to feel you squeeze my arm, as if telling me everything was okay. I couldn't see you, but felt your presence and knew you were there.

I was sorry to miss the softball tournament this year. I had already scheduled one last trip up north. Lily really wanted to go, and I didn't find out the date of the tournament until the week or so before. I was glad your mom got to ride in the helicopter. If I had been there, she knew I wouldn't have done that anyway!! She's much braver than I! Lily and I will be sure to be there again. I wish she had seen grandma flying in the helicopter, though!

I didn't realize that by me not going to the tournament some people would assume that it was because I am married now. That steams me. It had nothing to do with that. I always put Lily first and try to do alot of things with her. I can only schedule so much in one summer, and if it weren't for Kathy, I wouldn't even have known when the tournament was.

I hate that people who don't even know me or make an effort to get to know me make those kind of assumptions. I plan on attending as many events that honor you as I can. I talked about it with Michelle last night, and she said that people probably don't realize I still have good and bad days and that it doesn't end with getting remarried. She made me feel better about it. I think I just needed to vent a little.

Today was a rough day, I don't know what set me off. Probably because Lily was in her summer "Animals" class I enrolled her in and that gave me a few hours to myself. Car rides are the worst. Songs come on the radio, and it's hard not to think about everything when some of them are so fitting. Thank God for sunglasses.

I started reading through some reports and stuff again when I got home. I don't know why. Sometimes I go upstairs and look through some of the boxes of paperwork and your personal items. Your watch still works. I check it everytime I look through that stuff. I think it will be a dagger in the heart when it finally stops working. Crazy the little things that keep us going or destroy us.

I think watching those videos was what I needed today. it got me out of the depressed, weepy mood that I was in. Just to feel close to you again and see you smile, laugh, and talk warmed my heart. I am so glad I have those not just for Lily, but for me too.

Tracy reminded me when we were up north about the time you were driving my car to work in Detroit, the escort, and it got broken into. You had shopping bags in the back seat. Someone stole the Christmas presents you had bought for me! I remember you and I laughing about how disappointed the thief was going to be when he realized it was a yoga workout tape and mat!

Thanks for the smiles, memories, and laughs today. They were much needed. I love you, baby.

Yvonne
xoxoxo

August 13, 2007

Yvonne,

I echo Patrice's words and well wishes. I do not know you either, but visit Mark's memorial page to leave a reflection now and then. From what I have read in the reflections, you lived a wonderful life with Mark. God chose to call him home, and some day you will see him again. But for now, you do have to live your life, and raise a beautiful little girl. There's no doubt you have been going through some difficult times and have had a series of feelings and thoughts to work out. I'm happy for you that you have found someone to share your love with, and someone that will love Lily, too! You are blessed to have had Mark, and blessed again now that you have a new life ahead of you. May God continue to watch over you, Lily, and your new family and baby that is on the way! Our prayers are with you always that you will live a happy and safe life as a new family. God bless you always!

August 8, 2007

Dear Mark,

Friday is the Sawyers/Wouters Softball Tournament at Liberty Park. Kevin has arranged for me to get a helicopter at Big Beaver Airport and get dropped off at the diamond and then throw out the first pitch. How cool is that? Actually I wish I had never heard of this fundraiser because that would mean you would be here but it is nice of everyone to do something to honor fallen officers, in particular you and Chris. Some money is donated to the Oakland Police Academy for a scholarship in your name. We really appreciate everyone that continues to remember and honor you and others that gave their live for our safety.
Yvonne and Lily are coming down today to visit. So is Michelle, Kyle and Alexis. I can't wait. I have not seen them since I went to Georgia. It seems like forever but has been about ten days. Not seeing you has been like forever and it still hurts like it was yesterday. I still have a lot of bad days but more good days than bad so I guess that's good. Anyways I better go so I can pull myself together for the kids. I love and miss you.

Love Mom

August 8, 2007

Yvonne-
I can imagine what an odd time in your life this is right now with a new husband and baby. I've never met you, but think about you and your husand Mark, often and the sacrifices both you and he made to keep my community safe. You have shown grace and courage when many others wouldn't have been able to. I wish you continued happiness and it brings comfort on some level to know that you are no longer alone.

Patrice

August 7, 2007

Hi Mark,

I just got back from visiting Pam in Georgia. The trip went well. I love and miss you so much.

Love Mom

August 7, 2007