Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

I stop by this website often after the death of two dear friends with the NCSHP (Troopers Calvin Taylor E.O.W. October 3, 2001 and Anthony Cogdill E.O.W. May 30, 2003).

We all grieve over the lives lost in the line of duty. I hope you can find some comfort knowing that there are countless prayers that go out for your family.

These are senseless tragedies that never seem to stop. God Bless the men and women who continue to serve their communities in our great Nation.

...Gone, but never Forgotten....

Marti (EMT-Paramedic)
Haywood Co EMS (NC)

April 4, 2004

Hi Shug - you've been on my mind all day today. I keep expecting you to just open the back door and walk in and say "Hi, Mom". But I know that's not going to happen. I miss you so much and I will always love you....Mom

Jean Hill
Mom

March 23, 2004

Hey Barry,
Wow, I can't believe it's been over 3 years since we lost you. Seems like yesterday. I come back from time to time to this page to visit you and today, I just felt I had to write. I guess since getting married and having a baby, *everything* seems so real to me now, especially the thought of losing one of them. I could never really comprehend the pain Aunt Jean and Cathy were feeling when you passed away, but over the last few years, it's become such a reality for me. I know we didn't see each other that often, but we'll have a life time in heaven to catch up. I know you're in good hands with Grandma Hill and PawPaw - take care Barry, we love you and miss you always.

Mandy

Mandy Griggs
cousin

March 10, 2004

Hi Shug - I miss you so much. I would give anything in this world if I could just see you walk in the back door one more time. What would I do different? Probably nothing. I always hugged you and told you I loved you. I always told you to be careful. I was always there when you needed me (even as a 38 year old man, there were times when you still needed Mom). And I always told you that I was so proud of you. But since you can't come to see us in the physical person, we have our sweet and beautiful memories that sustain us every minute of every day. I still tell you that I love you and that I am so very proud of you. I don't ever have to tell you to be careful again because you are in the very presence of the Almighty God and no one can harm you now. My only regret is that I wasn't there the morning you needed me the most. I would have killed to save you and would rather it had been me that died than you, but that's not the way God planned our lives. My birthday is in a few days. I hope you will visit me in my dreams. That would be the most wonderful birthday present I could receive. I will always love you, Shug and one of these days, we'll see each other again.....Mom

Jean Hill - Mom

March 8, 2004

It is 2:30 a.m. Valentine's 2004. I couldn't sleep. I pulled out old memories tonight thinking it would cause sleep to come but instead I am more awake now reading through letters and cards, watching home movies and listening to an audio tape from 14 years ago. I listened to your calming voice and read every word on every paper. I sat and cried and laughed and cried and laughed some more. Barry, you taught me love. You taught me friendship. You taught me how to live life. And now you have taught me how to live without you. If any gift could be given to any couple it is the gift of true love you gave me. How could I have been the one that was blessed to have you as my husband for 19 years? What did I possibly do to deserve you? My life is richer and fuller because of your love for me. I am who I have become now because of you. I am at such a different place today than I was 3 years ago. I feel your life with me each step I take and it is unexplainable but I almost feel as you are watching me and guiding me through all of this stuff in our life after your death. I know without doubt where your spirit dwells but still there are so many things that are you in my every day life. I am certain that these feelings come from knowing that we are only a short time from all being reunited in Glory. You are not gone forever because we will be together again one day.
Barry, I will love you forever and your room in my heart is guarded and secure never to be opened by anyone. I want to make right choices and wise decisions that you will be proud of. Your smile of approval is clear in my mind and I will stay focused on that. I love you. C

February 14, 2004

Dear Barry,
I just wanted to write and let you know what an incredible family you have. I met your Mom and Dad at COPS Parent Retreat and it was like I had known them forever(God is so good, but you know that), then I met your wife, daughter and mother-in-law at your Memorial Dinner 2003, awesome people. I hate that we met because we lost someone we love so much. Thank you for sharing them with me. I feel like I know you, as you live on in your family and the officers I met at your dinner. You are a much loved Son, Brother, Husband, Father, Uncle, Friend and Policeman, believe me you will never be forgotton. I feel so blessed to have met your loved ones, they are definitely a gift from God.

Iwalu,
Pat Carruth

Pat Carruth
Mother of Jeremy

February 12, 2004

PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OG THE LORD IS THE DEATH OF HIS SAINTS.
PSALM 116:15

OUR GOD HAS PLANS AND PURPOSES THAT ARE BEYOND OUR UNDERSTANDING.
SOMETIMES THESE PLANS AND PURPOSES BREAK OUR HEARTS.
SOMETIMES THEY REQUIRE SACRIFICES WE NEVER AGREED TO MAKE.
SOMETIMES THEY STOP US DEAD IN OUR TRACKS, TURN US UPSIDE DOWN, INSIDE OUT AND PARALYZE US WITH PAIN.
BUT, HIS COMFORT IS NOT FAR BEHIND. AND, AS WE CLIMB UP INTO HIS LAP AND WEEP INTO HIS CHEST, HE WHISPERS,IN OUR EAR, "SHHH. IT'S OKAY. I DID IT FOR A REASON AND SOMEDAY I'LL TELL YOU WHAT IT IS." HE STROKES OUR HAIR AND HUGS US TIGHT AND CRIES WITH US. "SHHH. JUST HANG ON. IT'S NOT THAT LONG BEFORE YOU'LL SEE THEM AGAIN. AND, THEN YOU'LL BE WITH THEM FOR ETERNITY. I PROMISE TO SEE YOU THROUGH THIS."

COPIED

Anonymous

February 10, 2004

DEAR BARRY,
TODAY I TURNED THE BIG 60. CATHY GAVE ME A PARTY YESTERDAY. IT WAS WONDERFUL, BUT, I WAS REALLY WIPED OUT AT THE END OF THE DAY. THIS OLD CANCER SURE HAS TAKEN A LOT OF MY ENERGY AND I AM NOT VERY GOOD AT PACING MY ACTIVITIES. BUT, I'M LEARNING.
THERE WERE LOTS OF PEOPLE HERE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN COMPLETE IF YOU HAD BEEN HERE, TOO. AND, YOU WERE, IN SPIRIT. ELLIOT AND MICHELLE WERE HERE. HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY. YOU HAD A GREAT BEST FRIEND. ALL 3 OF THE KIDS WERE HERE AND ALL THE GRANDKIDS, EXCEPT JOE. HE COULDN'T GET OFF WORK. I WAS DISAPPOINTED, BECAUSE, I WANTED TO SHOW HIM OFF. YOU WOULD BE SO PROUD OF HIM, JUST BECAUSE HE LOVES OUR LACY SO MUCH.
I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU.
ARLENE

ARLENE SANDERS
MOTHER-IN-LAW

February 8, 2004

Hey Daddy,
I miss you. School has been great so far. My teachers in 5th grade are really nice. Right now in Language Arts, we are doing a project on an animal or country. I have chosen something bigger, Africa! I can't wait to be done with it. On the Eqypt part I am going to make a half built pyramid with people working on it. Then I will put lots of clay trees in the forest. PawPaw and Momma are helping me with it. Ms. McKenzie says it is a great idea to make clay models. I also drew a mummy mask that I am going to put next to Eqypt. I really wish that you could be here helping me but you are in heaven. The sunsets are quite beautiful lately by the way. You are doing a great job!
Lots of kisses,
Whitney

February 3, 2004

......just a note to express the belated condolences to all who knew Deputy Sheriff Barrett Travis Hill. We, as Law Enforcement Officers, annually display our support to 'all' our brothers and sisters that made the ultimate sacrifice in Washington D.C. during "Police Week" including the ceremonies of May 13 thru 15 in our Nations Capitol. On behalf of the Chicago Police Dept., of which I'm a member, you have our gratitude, support and commitment to "NEVER LET YOU WALK ALONE" Respectfully, Al P (CPD)

Sgt Al Piantkowski
Chicago Police Dept

February 1, 2004

I never met Barry but I met Cathy on a Law Enforcement group( theotherhalf) and she shared this site with me. Reading all these comments really is neat to know so many people cared about Barry and still remember all the good times and can share that with the family. Thank you for sharing this page with me Cathy. God Bless you and your family.
Tonya

January 24, 2004

I did not know Deputy Hill, but reading the reflections left by friends and family gives insight to the kind of person he was. God bless the friends and family of Deputy Hill.....and know that one day you will see him again.

Deputy Sheriff
Chilton County Sheriffs Office (Al.)

January 17, 2004

I have never been brought to tears quicker than I was just reading some of the reflections left here. It was as if I have been following your endless journey through life. You daughters and their lives, your wife and her endless love, it's like I was right there.

Quite often a reflection page is forgotten about. Almost as if time has passed and people move on. Your family is right there. They keep you included in their life. It is an amazing bond that only few families are granted in life.

The one thing I have learned since losing my husband is that there are bad days, and good ones, but no matter what life continues to move ahead. It's not moving without a person, they are right there. You have done a perfect job explaining your father, husband, sun, and friend. He was an amazing person.

I hope for peace for your family, but I know you already have a sense of it. Good luck to you all.

January 12, 2004

WELL, ANOTHER YEAR WITHOUT YOU. THEY DON'T GET ANY BETTER. I AM SO THANKFUL FOR MY MEMORIES. I LISTENED TO AN AUDIO TAPE TODAY THAT YOU HAD SENT CATHY WHEN YOU WERE IN SAUDI. MOST OF THE TIME I WASN'T EVEN LISTENING TO THE WORDS, JUST THE SOUND OF YOUR VOICE. WISH I COULD HEAR YOU PLAY THE PIANO FOR ME. THERE ARE SO MANY LITTLE THINGS THAT I MISS.WHAT A SPECIAL SON-IN-LAW I HAD IN YOU. I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU VERY MUCH.

ARLENE
MOTHER-IN-LAW

December 26, 2003

22 today Bear!
C

December 26, 2003

Hi Shug - Well, we spent another Christmas without you. Whoever said that absence makes the heart grow fonder was crazy or else they had never lost a child. Sweet, sweet memories of you are forever etched in our minds and we would give anything if you could have been here with us today. I can close my eyes and see you so clearly and it's almost as though I can just reach out and touch you. Your image is so clear. I hope you know that Dad and I love you so much. Your brother is getting ready to go back to Iraq. It's a mess over there and we are already praying for his safety. You would be so glad to know that the Army captured Saddam Hussein. Everyone misses you so much and there's not a day that goes by that you aren't in our thoughts. I love you - Merry Christmas, sweet boy..............Mom

Jean Hill - Mom

December 25, 2003

Merry Christmas Bear and Happy Birthday Jesus,
We had a wonderful day here at the house. Granny and Hayden, your mom and dad, Tracy, PK and sweet Kristoffer, Mom, Gregg, his boys and one of his friends joined Whit and I for lunch. There was enough wrapping paper for a bon-fire once all the gifts were finally opened! Sweet memories and new memories were made today as we began a new tradition. Those of you who have already stepped into your eternity now have a candle burning Christmas Day and we toast you with what else but sparkling grape juice!!!!! Whitney read the Christmas story this year out of Luke. I prepared most of the meal and it seems the older I get the better it gets. One day maybe I will cook as good as Granny. The gifts from your parents were my favorites this year. The cross stitch your mom had been working on for over 3 years is finally finished and your favorite hymn will hang in our home forever now. The song means more to me now than I ever knew and the words are more precious now as well. They also gave me a plate that has more sentimental value than any gift I could have been given. "Blessed are the peacemakers." It is so beautiful and a precious reminder of you.
As time is going on, our thoughts of you are right with us and will never leave us. What a gift these memories are. Fun things happened today that only you could had a hand in. Come on, Elvis, you have to be kidding!!!! Your black berry cobbler was as yummy as ever!
I love you Bear and am so thankful I was chosen as your wife.
C

December 25, 2003

God bless you and your family. I read these reflections and although I never met you or your family, I can feel the pain and suffering. I hope in my life time I can touch so many, and that I will leave such a lasting mark as you have done. You are a hero, and you family for all the pain that they have been through are as well. God speed Deputy and forever know that you will never be forgotten for you are thought about by your loved ones, and others like myself everyday.

Officer
Dept. of Veteran Affairs

December 5, 2003

Hi Shug - It's so hard to believe that it has been three years since you left us here and went home to be with the Lord. There are times when it seems like 100 years since we've last seen you and then there are others that seem like just yesterday. We miss you so much and even though you aren't physically with us anymore, memories of you are forever etched in our minds. We look at Whit and see you all over again as a 10 year old child - she is so much like you. She walks like you, laughs like you and has your quick wit and humor. We enjoy her so much. When I look at your motorcycle, I have memories of you sitting so proudly on it. When we go to your house, I have memories when I see the tree that you planted. It's really grown a lot in the last three years - you would be proud of it. The other day I was at the grocery store and a man walked by who looked so much like you. I was so taken back by the sight of him that I almost screamed. Part of me died with you three years ago and if I could file charges against the man who murdered you, I would do it in a heartbeat because he killed part of me on December 4, 2000. You are forever my child and I love you and miss you so much........Mom

Jean Hill
Mom

December 5, 2003

What to say brother.I went to your memorial dinner today that your family does for us, It's a great tribute to you...I still miss dinner at mama sans ,the oriental restaraunt we used to go to with mike..You keep watching over us and keep us safe.

Deputy Q.O.Cooper 45F7

Deputy Q.O. Cooper
Harris Co. Sheriff's Office

December 5, 2003

HI BARRY,
IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS TODAY. STILL HAVE A HARD TIME BELIVING THAT YOU ARE NOT HERE. NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T MISS YOU. I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH.

ARLENE
MOTHER-IN-LAW

December 4, 2003

Oh my goodness. I visit the ODMP page every once in a while. I'm not sure why, I guess because I just want to honor and pray for fallen officers. I happened upon this one. What an awesome man Barry must have been - these reflections are touching and heartwrenching. I too am a born again Christian and struggle everyday with the people I have to deal with and to think that we are actually supposed to forgive the people who hurt us. How could anyone actually forgive the incredible loser who took this man away from his family? You sound like a wonderful family and I will keep you in my prayers. I haven't had anyone close to me die since I was saved. I always wonder how I'll deal with it. You and your family have really helped me realize how someone can get through a tragedy with the saving grace of Jesus Christ and still remain positive about life. I hope that I can be as strong as you all have been. And I hope I can be as great a police officer as Barry was. Thank you and God Bless you.

AND WE KNOW THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD TO THEM THAT LOVE GOD, TO THEM WHO ARE THE CALLED ACCORDING TO (HIS) PURPOSE - Romans 8:28

Patricia Lawton
Child Support Investigator

December 2, 2003

I was one of Barry's many friends, he Det. Todd Grossgebauer and I as others spent time together in Desert Storm. Barry and I had a very unique friendship, he looked like my uncle David whom I was named after. It was wild how they looked so much alike. Barry and I had some great times in the Army together, no matter where we were Barry could keep you laughing. I was the Det. for Carbon County Sheriff's Office in Utah when I heard he died. It hit me very hard because of the many great times we had together. Every year around the 4th of Dec. I feel melancoly remembering he's gone. I know that we will be friends forever and get to see each other again. To his wife and his two daughters, I know you all were the light of his life. He always spoke well of you and often. That day I lost a true friend, fellow soldier and brother Officer. Keep smilin buddy, we see you soon enough.

Vinney

CSM David Vincent
US Army Reserve

November 14, 2003

My Sweet Bear,
It is early this Sunday morning and I am unable to sleep. I can't seem to get you out of my mind. I want to reach out and touch your face and hear your laugh and hear you tell me everything is going to be alright. There are so many things going on in our lives right now and I am trying to keep everything in focus and do what is right. I keep thinking about what you would do and attempt to use your wisdom by just dwelling on your heart and making choices that you would. I constantly remember things we talked about before we ever knew anything would happen to you and focus on what our relationship was to put things into perspective now to attempt to keep going.
The weather is cooling off and the bike is ready to be taken for a ride. Whitney is waiting anxiously as well to take a long ride. That seems to be her favorite thing to do "with you". She just finished basketball season and what a great little player she is turning out to be. Those games were so intense and her team was 7 - 1. Not bad for first time playing.
Lacy and Joe and praying about changes in their life now and they need guidance and wisdom to know what will be best for their future. Jobs and school are so important and they are really striving to make wise choices. I do wish you were able to be here to enjoy this part of her new life. She is making such a sweet wife and their home is so precious. She is even hosting Thanksgiving this year.
I still see several Deputy's often and make sure you are not forgotten. They have been very good to us and that would make you proud of them.
As we near the 3 year anniversary of you going home, it is hard to believe we have gone this long without your jokes and laughter sounding throughout the house.
I suppose I should go fix some breakfast and wake up the house for church. I just wanted to tell you I love you and miss you more than I ever dreamt possible. C

October 26, 2003

We are deeply saddened by this senseless murder. Rest in peace brother. Your service to your community is appreciated by all of us. May God bless you, your fellow co-workers and the survivors of your family.
AC

Trooper
Pennsylvania State Police

October 14, 2003