Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

It's been 7 months and my heart continues to break each morning I wake up and you're not there. I can still close my eyes and hear your voice telling me "I love you Poobie", the last words you said to me on 9-11-05 before you went to work. I can still feel your strong arms around me. I can see your beautiful smile and those cute dimples. Sweetheart, when will I see you again? Some days I really can't stand the waiting. I ask God how much longer before our souls are reunited? I love you so much and I miss you so bad. I went to your grave site on Monday. It was so peaceful there. I could only hear the birds singing. Mark, I am so lost without you. You made me feel so young and energetic. Now, I can feel myself aging faster every day, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think about how you would be playing that game Far Cry on the computer when you were on call. Sometimes you would be really getting into it and it would wake me up. I miss that too. I wish I could go back to February 2000 and relive our time together again, not changing a thing. I need my Boobie. I haven't gotten strong enough yet to watch our wedding video or home videos with the grandkids. I'm hoping that one day I will be. I love you Boobie.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

April 13, 2006

Sweetheart, I miss you more and more with each passing second. I will never be whole or complete again, because my better half is no longer with me. My prayer is that one day our souls will be reunited in heaven. My first thought in the morning and last thought before I go to sleep is of you. I love you so much baby. It's not getting any easier living without you, probably because I don't want to live without you. No one really understands how deep the pain is. I guess if people really understood how deep our love is for one another, they could understand how deep the pain is and that my heart continues to break over and over each time I wake up and see that you are not holding me. I looked forward to going to sleep in your arms and waking up in your arms. Boobie I am still trying to figure out how do I live without you. Life is not fun anymore, it's not as important to me anymore. I love you so much and I miss your smile, your touch, your embrace, your jokes, your laugh and our talks in bed. I MISS YOU BOOBIE. I'LL LOVE YOU THROUGH ETERNITY!

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

April 5, 2006

Hello mark ,It's 3:00am on a wednesday morning and i cant sleep because you are on my mind.You know we always were night owls.If you were here i know we would be talking on the computer right now depending what shift you were on.
Man i miss you so much i still cant believe that you are not here anymore.People say that time heals everything ,but in my case it hasn't happend yet.This is one thing in my opinion that time cant heal.Im still bitter from the fact that you are gone ,and i know i need to do better ,because i know that is what you would want me to do,but it's hard man its hard.Well i just wanted to check on you to see how you were doing and remember to watch over me where ever you are.

Your cuz
Telly Wells

March 29, 2006

I'm missing you so very much. I'm longing for you and I will love you forever more. One day or night we will be together again. I can't wait for that glorious moment when we meet again in heaven. I love you Boobie.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

March 19, 2006

Hello mark,its been 6 months since you have been gone and im still struggling with the fact that you're not here anymore.I lost my cousin and my best friend.And i will probably be bitter for the rest of my life,because that wasnt fair the way you had to go.You were a good person and that shouldn't have happend to you.You know we talk about a lot and one of the issues was family.I have found out that the best way for family to get along is to stay away from each other and we talk about that a lot,and now i see why you didnt want to move back home after your academy was over.You saw things then that i see now,although you did warn me but i didnt think it would happend to me.I think about you every day mark and i will for the rest of my life.Like i said before,you were so smart and you had an answer for everything.I just dont know what im going to do without you.I hope you are watching me where ever you are.

Your Cuz
Telly Wells

March 13, 2006

6 months ago this afternoon at 3:59 pm was the last time you held me in your arms and told me you loved me. It still seems like yesterday. The pain is just as deep, but I am learning to live with it. I miss you more and more every day. You were everything to me as I was to you. I used to think about us sometimes at work and wonder if we were too close, too dependant on each other. I know that's crazy, but now I see that the Lord fixed it that way. We spent every moment that we could together shutting the rest of the world out. Now I know it was because the Lord knew our time together would be short. I thank God every day for you, because I realize how much he loved me because you were created for me. He made you so I would have a soulmate. I also believe I was created for you even though I was here quite a few years before you. It is just so awesome the way the Lord works. I love you sweetheart with all my heart, but it goes deeper than my heart. You will forever be in my soul, where only you and the Lord dwell. I'll love you forever. Poobie

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

March 12, 2006

I love you Mark. My heart is broken and I need you right now. I need your shoulder to lean on. I need you to hold my hand again. I need to look into those sexy eyes. I need to see you standing before proudly in your uniform. I need you to make me laugh again. I miss you so much. Everything that's going on right now, all the confusion & drama is hard to deal with. I want to do the right thing for everyone involved, but I don't know if I can. You and I never worried about what other people thought, we were always true to ourselves and the Lord. Please save a seat for me in heaven. I will be there with you one day. I can't wait. I'm trying to be patient, but things aren't that good down here right now. I feel like I'm all alone. I need you Boobie. I love you so much.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

March 8, 2006

Sweetheart, I find myself rushing time, wanting the days and nights to go by quicker. I want so bad to be with you that I can't wait for each day to end and bring me that much closer to being with you. I miss you baby, so much. I was listening to a song this morning by The Isly Bros., called Just Came Here to Chill. I closed my eyes and I imagined myself in your arms looking into your eyes and I could see you so clearly and feel your arms around me. I don't look forward to weekends anymore. Because you're not here, I can't get excited about you coming home for lunch or staying up all night on Friday night watching movies and then sleeping until late in the evening on Saturdays with you (with the phone ringers off). You made me feel so special and so loved and I know you felt the same. I love you Mark with all my heart and soul. Dexter if 4 yrs old today. He still sleeps on your slippers sometimes because they are still beside the bed. I can still smell your scent when I go into your closet. Sometimes that is the only thing that will comfort me. Baby, what am I doing here without you? It's not right and it's not fair.We had so many plans for our future. Our love was so great and so strong. We are soul mates and soul mates should be together forever. I know you can't come back to me but one day or night I will come to you. I love you so much Boobie. Loving you forever, Poobie.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

February 26, 2006

Hello Mark,there is not a day that goes by that i dont think of you.I was up late last night on the computer,you know we always were night owls staying up all ours of the night talking back and forth on the computer.We had been doing that every since we were 9 or 10 years old.We often would get in trouble by our moms for going to sleep on the phone.Yesterday i was having trouble with my computer and before i knew it i was picking up the phone dialing your cell phone number.And yes your voice message is still on.I liste to your voice message and slowly put the phone down.It feels like if i leave a message that your going to call me back as you always did.Anyway i said to out loud(come on mark help me out)because now i have to try and figure these things out on my own.Somehow i figured it out and i know you were assisting me in someway because you were the computer and math wiz i wasnt.I just want you to know cuz that i am lost without you,you were always there for me and im lost without you.I really dont know what to do.People say turn to god but that hasnt help.Im really struggling with that issue and wondering why did god take my bst friend away.Maybe someday you will explain it to me when i meet you again.I love you mark and until we meet again,Keep patroling the heavenly skies.

Your Cousin
Telly Wells

February 17, 2006

Well baby, how did you celebrate the anniversary of our first date? Me - I thanked the Lord every second of this day for you. You made me the happiest woman in the world. I love you very much. You will forever be "my valentine".

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

February 14, 2006

Mark, thanks for all the memories.There isn't a day that goes by, that I don't reflect on all of the "Good" times, that we shared.I often tell people that during the tenure of our friendship, we never had a single argument. You were very smart and honest. I, along with your wife,parents, and siblings miss you very much.I look forward to seeing you again someday.Until then, keep polishing your boots, because without shinny-boots, no one in Heaven will believe that you're a "State Trooper" LOL.

Best friends always...

Corporal Raymond Siggers
Arkansas State Police

February 13, 2006

Baby, it is snowing today. This would be the perfect afternoon for you and I, lying on the floor in front of the fireplace talking and enjoying each other's company. I miss you so very much every second of every day and night. But on days like today, it hurts even deeper. Boobie, why did you have to go? You should have at least let me go with you. You know that we were inseperable in life, why should death seperate us? I have been told that I need to let go, but I can not and I will not do that. I am still your wife. I don't know how to be anything else. I don't want to be anything else. I'm sure you were looking down on me the other night and getting a good laugh. I kind of had a problem working the surround sound system in the great room. You know me, I messed something up. I kept telling you to fix it for me. You remember the night you proposed to me in front of the fireplace (on one knee) on Christmas night - you told me that I completed you. I hope you knew that I always felt the same way about you. I will never have that feeling again on this earth. I won't be complete again until I'm with you in heaven. I love you Mark with all my heart and soul.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

February 10, 2006

Thank you for your service to your fellow man. Rest in peace my brother in blue. May God bless you and watch out over your family.

State Constable J.L. Green
S.C. State Constables

February 10, 2006

Sweetheart, each time I look at your pictures my heart still melts. You were the most handsome, the sexiest, the sweetest, kindest, most gentle, most loving and caring man that I have ever known or ever will know. I fell in love with you on our first date. I knew you were "the one". It just felt so right. Baby, my life is so empty without you. I feel your presence and I feel you in my heart, but I wish so bad that I could lie in your arms. I feel like I'm dying inside a little more each day that I wake up and you're not here. I miss you so much. The day that I married you really was the beginning of my life. I was a very proud wife, not just because you were a proud state trooper, but because you were such a good person inside. I am still proud to be your wife. I will be Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron until the day I die. I love you Boobie. I know you want me to be happy and to stop crying so much, but true happiness for me will be when I am with you in heaven. I will see you there one day.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

February 7, 2006

Mark, I miss you so much baby. No matter what I'm doing or who I'm talking to you, I'm only 25% there. The other 75% is thinking about you and wondering how much longer do I have to wait to be with you. Each morning I wake up, I feel another knife being put in my heart just a little bit deeper than the one before. I am trying to do things that you would want me to do. You were such a blessing in my life and I really want to be a blessing to others. You had such an enormous heart. I love you Boobie. I know you are watching over me each day and night. Our grandson (aka Man Man) - you know how he thinks he is Spider Man; well yesterday morning he told me he was gonna bring you back to me with his web. He was your little buddy. Sometimes I feel that my heart is going to burst open. You were my whole world. I couldn't sit still last Saturday because it rained all day - I think I cleaned everything in sight (I never cleaned when you were home because it would take away from our time). You know how we loved rainy days - we wouldn't get out of bed until the evening and even then it was just to go rent a movie and get something to eat. I haven't been able to go to Blockbuster yet - maybe one day. I love you Mark.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 30, 2006

Sweetheart, today is our son's 26th birthday. I am so proud of the man he has become. You were his role model. I thank God for you. You really inspired him in alot of ways, moreso than his biological father ever did. I know he told you that. Baby I am missing you something terrible. Each time I start crying, that german shepherd of ours (Dexter) he comes to me and lays his head in my lap. I don't know what I would do without him. I guess he tries to comfort me in his own way. I went to your grave site yesterday for the first time since New Year's Day. I had went to the post office and I say the clerk that did our passport applications and the pain came rushing in. Yesterday was the 1st anniversary of her mother's death. She reminded me that God doesn't put anymore on us than we can bear. I admit that I have questioned God about that so many times. This house seems so big and empty withot you here. Whenever we were at home together, we were always right next to each other, touching in some way. I just wish the Lord had given us more years together. I love you Mark so much. My heart breaks each time I look at our wedding picture. We had so many dreams and plans. Right now I really can't concentrate on those dreams and plans. I know I'll be stronger some day so I can finish the things were left unfinished. I love you baby and I always will.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 28, 2006

Mark it's 2006 and it seems like yesterday when I would come outside and see you and Vince outside in the driveway talking. You would see me, then you and Vince would stop talking. Saying "MEN ARE TALKING GO BACK IN THE HOUSE"! I would say- WHAT-EVER! I'M CALLING ANGELA! I would just like to say thanks so much Mark for being our friend and because of that you cause me to have the best friend ever. Your wife,my best friend. Oh! Vince said he would cut the grass this summer because no one else can do it like you did it. No matter what Angela say!Don't worry about Angela, she is doing ok! I call her everyday if she don't answer her house phone, I hangup and call her cell. We all love you Mark and miss you.

Love Mr. & Mrs. Richardson

January 27, 2006

To the widow of Cpl. M Carthron.
I read the reflections for Cpl Carthron quite often. When I read your messages that you have left for him, I can almost feel your heart breaking over and over again. I just want you to know and I am sure you already know this, Mark wants you to be happy. He wants you to continue on with life and finish the things that were left unfinished. I can tell that you two really loved each other and a part of you has been ripped away, but know that God does not close one door without opening another. He will ease your pain and sorrow. He will comfort you when it seems as if there is no comfort. He will guide you when it seems there is no guidance. Mark is still with you in everything you do.
Take care and please keep the faith.
Remember you are not alone, Mark is smiling down on you each day and watching over you.

patrol officer

January 22, 2006

Sweetheart, another week has gone by without you in my sight and without me in your arms. I miss you more and more each day. The pain of losing you is still so fresh, so deep and so raw, there are times that I just don't know how I will go on. At those times, I can hear your sweet voice telling me that I can do it and that you are still with me. I need you baby. You were the strong shoulder that I leaned on when I was sad or things just weren't going right. I thought you would always be around for me. I feel like we were both cheated out of our living happy ending, but deep down I know that God knows best. I still have a hard time accepting that you are gone. I love you so much and I always will.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 17, 2006

To Thomas Carthron, I wanted to write to tell you I know what you are going through. As a sister of Sgt. Dragus (EOW 10/20/05) I too am hurting so much and feel as if a part of me has been ripped out. I will pray for you and your family that it gets easier and pain subsides with time. I hope to see you and the rest of the Carthron family at the National Memorial in May to honor our fallen brothers. I am so sorry for your loss. God bless.

Michelle Rogers
Sister of Sgt. J. Dragus EOW 10/20/05

Michelle Rogers

January 11, 2006

4 months ago this afternoon, I saw your handsome face smiling with those sexy dimples before you left for work. I wish I could turn back time and beg you to take a day off and spend it with me and Dexter. Every time that I am in our living room, I look at the last spot that I saw you standing before you left for work that day. I stood up to hug and kiss you and to tell you that I loved you. I can still feel your arms around me and I can smell your scent. I love you so much Mark. Words cannot express how much I miss you. I will see you again some day. I am living for that moment. I LOVE YOU BOOB!!!!!!

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 11, 2006

Sweetheart,
Each day I hear and see things that I want to rush home or call you and tell you about, but I can't. It is still so hard for me to really believe that you are not here. I truly am lost without you. I don't know what my life is supposed to be without you. I love you so much baby. I pray for strength every day. My heart hurts so much, because I miss you so much and I want to be in your arms so much. I know that I will be okay because God is able and I am leaning on Him. I just wish that I could hold your hand or lie on your chest like I use to when you would be on your lunch break. I would always lie on the left side and I would have to put my hand over your badge becuase it would be cold. I miss that. I love you Mark.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 9, 2006

Sweetheart, New Year's Day is almost over. 2006 was supposed to be the year that our business expanded and we would be successful and begin thinking about retiring. We would be able to spend all of our time together. You and I could be together 24 hours a day and it wouldn't be enough time. Everything that I do now or think about starting, I do it with you in mind. I ask myself would Mark want me to do this or how would he feel about this. Then I ask you to help me make the right decision. I want to make you proud. I was and will always be proud to be the wife of Mark Wesley Carthron. I love you baby. I miss you holding me at night. I miss us saying our prayers together. I miss sitting in your lap at the computer. I miss cooking for you. Most of all I miss my husband - I miss YOU!!! I know you are my guardian angel now. I'll try not to work you too hard. Thomas is trying to keep me in line (kind of scary too). Poobie loves you Boobie.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

January 1, 2006

Hey Bill. It's funny that other than our wives nobody knew that we called each other Bill and Bob. Even they don't know the story behind it. I thik I'll just keep that one a secret. It is simply devestating to start a new year with you around. I look at our parents and I see two completely different people than before your death. I try to keep their spirits lifted but that's sometimes hard to do. How do you remove the heart and expect the body to contunue. Daddy made sixty-five on Friday. I called him and we talked for a long time, but his thoughts were really of you as were mine. Angela and I talk fairly often. I always try to make her laugh a little bit or at least smile but of course no one could do that like you. There are so many little things about you that I miss. The only hope that I have is that we will see you again. Until then RIP.

Thomas Carthron Jr. (AKA Bob)

January 1, 2006

It's New Year's Eve and I am missing you soooooooo much. I really don't know how I feel about the coming new year. There won't be another year that will mean much to me because you won't be here. I just hope that however long the Lord allows me to breath and walk this earth, I hope the time passes by fast. Each minute, hour, day, week, month & year takes me that much closer to being with you in heaven. It might sound crazy but that's what I live for. You know how we used to critique commercials, they have come out with some crazy (some low budget) ones. You would get A kick out of the new Mo Money tax commercial. Talk about ghetto! Boobie, I love you more than anything or anyone and that will never change. You taught me what "REAL LOVE" was all about. My heart breaks all over again each time I wake up to another day without you here. Even though you are not physically here, I carry you in my heart every second of every day. You will have my heart always. I love you sweetheart. So keep watching over Dexter and myself. We both feel your presence here. I went out to eat with our best friends Vince and Carma last night. I kept looking over to the other side of the back seat wishing you were there. I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. I made it through dinner. Vince said he's not taking me & Carma anywhere together anymore because we talk about people too much. That's one thing you always told me not to do. I hear you. I love you baby.

Mrs. Mark Wesley Carthron

December 31, 2005