Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Detective Kevin Shumway Orr

Uintah County Sheriff's Office, Utah

End of Watch Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Leave a Reflection

Reflections for Detective Kevin Shumway Orr

I miss you so much. I constantly need your embrace. I wish so much we could discuss the day to day stuff. I miss having your listening ear and then your comfort. I miss your help. I sure needed it this weekend. I was so overwhelmed with all I had to do. I always want things perfect and spend so much time preparing and wish I had you here physically to back me up. But most of all I miss you. Just knowing you were in the same room, your smile and the love you showed me in your actions. To put it simple I miss you just as much today as 8 years ago. Maybe more because I am not in a state of shock any more. I love you sweetheart.

Holley
Eternal companion

March 9, 2015

Daddy,
I've thought quite a bit about writing you, the last week. I haven't really known how to say things though.
Last week, was the hardest week since I've been home. So many clear memories of, 'I was doing this...1 year ago today.' Thursday was one year, since I entered the MTC. ...even now, as I type this, I can't do it without tears.. Ha, as I gave mom one last hug, grabbed my suitcase, and headed up the longest steepest sidewalk...I was so excited! So ready for the journey that was ahead of me. I was so lucky to have Sister Jensen as my first companion. I don't think I've ever instantly clicked with someone as I did with her. Just all week..reading back thru my journal. It's been difficult. Even though it has, I have tried to keep a smile on my face and move forward. Sunday, I went to Karries homecoming. In all honesty, it's kind of a tender mercy having her home for the past week. Being able to talk to someone from the mission (on a daily basis, not just Monday's) is what I've needed. Sister Peatross also came on Sunday. She said that her mom still talks about when she saw me in the temple. She said her mom told her it was the greatest tender mercy she had while her kids were on their missions.
I'm going to start working in the temple this Saturday. And then Wednesday as well. I'm so excited(: I know Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us. We are each to be missionaries. You, are a missionary teaching the people that didn't have the chance to learn in this life. I thought, at this time, I was to be a missionary in South Carolina. But I guess I'm needed at home, in the Vernal Temple. There is so much work to be done...because I know, Jesus Christ's time to return is so close. Actually, a song just came to my mind by Jenny Phillips. It's called, 'Embark in the Service of God'

"For the last time
The Savior is gathering
Those who will listen to His words
Preparing to come and reign
With glory on the earth
We have promised
We have been foreordained
To take part in His great work
This is our time to shine
And let our faith be heard
We raise our sails
And we embark
In His service
With all our hearts
With all our might, mind, and strength
We'll go forth in His name
Holding firmly to the rod
We are engaged
In the service of our God
We will be faithful
Not caught up in the fallen world
So we can hear the Spirit speak
We hear His call, His plea
And we respond willingly
We raise our sails
And we embark
In His service
With all our hearts
With all our might, mind, and strength
We'll go forth in His name
Holding firmly to the rod
We are engaged
In the service of our God."

Daddy, I know those are inspired words. This IS the last time the Savior is gathering His people. We have been saved for these days. We've been prepared to help Him, gather our brothers and sisters. You know, in the song it doesn't say how, but I know how. In the Doctrine and Covenants it tells us how.
D&C 138:53-57

"53 The Prophet Joseph Smith, and my father, Hyrum Smith, Brigham Young, John Taylor, Wilford Woodruff, and other choice spirits who were reserved to come forth in the fulness of times to take part in laying the foundations of the great latter-day work,

54 Including the building of the temples and the performance of ordinances therein for the redemption of the dead, were also in the spirit world.

55 I observed that they were also among the noble and great ones who were chosen in the beginning to be rulers in the Church of God.

56 Even before they were born, they, with many others, received their first lessons in the world of spirits and were prepared to come forth in the due time of the Lord to labor in his vineyard for the salvation of the souls of men.

57 I beheld that the faithful elders of this dispensation, when they depart from mortal life, continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption, through the sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of God, among those who are in darkness and under the bondage of sin in the great world of the spirits of the dead."
Some of the last words in the Doctrine and Covenants are so amazing.. I know, we were chosen to come to earth in these very, last, days. I know that we were prepared, and we were taught with amazing spirits. At times, I wonder why I was saved to come when I did, what made me so special? I honestly, don't know. But I know my Heavenly Father does. He believes in me. He has a plan and a purpose for all I've gone through. I think knowing that, is why I haven't given up. How could I?! I'm here, because my Heavenly parents believe in me. I was given this opportunity, while so many other people could have done it. To me, not fulfilling the plan for me, is just wrong. We have to be those modern day members of the Army of Heleman.

I've started looking into, and calling about college. It seems crazy to me that in a few months I'll be going to school. I'm more nervous for that, than I was when I left on the mission.
I just hope all goes okay, and that I'll be able to be as healthy as I can.
Dad, I love you so much.. Thank you for all you taught me, and all you continue to teach me. I love you, and I miss you so much. But, missions are needed. Missionaries are needed to help those in the other side. I know we'll get to spend eternity with you. Right now, you're helping others so they can spend eternity with their families as well.
Love you..miss you

Jessica
Daughter

February 11, 2015

I love you........

Holley

January 26, 2015

Daddy,
Over Christmas break mom received an email saying that a Utah COPS chapter was going to be starting. It had info about the day, time and all that. It also said they would be voting on positions for a President, Vice President, Secretary and Treasurer. I decided I wanted to do it. Mom, Kaylee, Ashlee and I went out for the meeting. To make a long story short, there were probably around 30 people there. When the woman in charge asked who wanted a position, probably 20 hands went up. She was excited, and I was nervous I wouldn't get a position. She reccomended a lady for President, because she had gone to trainings. She then asked who would want to be treasurer. Nobody raised their hands. So I did. Well, needless to say, I am in the very first Utah C.O.P.S. chapter presidency. I'm excited for this. I wanted to be able to do it, so I could be in a position to help others. I wanted to be able to be there for families that lose a husband or daddy in the line of duty. I'm doing this for you. It of course is in memory of you. I didn't do it for the title, or just for me to be in this position. I'm looking forward to being able to go to different departments and agencies and talking about the COPS program, and what it is like to lose a parent in the line of duty. It will most definitely be an adventure these next two years.
Who knows? Maybe me having to come home early has something to do with this.
Today, we invited Mario over to have lunch with us. After, I did family home evening. I had decided yesterday that I would teach the restoration. Man....it felt so good to be able to bare my testimony on those simple truths once again. I miss it, oh so very much. I can't even express how much I miss it. I miss being a missionary. I wish, that each morning when I wake up, that I could put my nametag on and be a full-time missionary.
I just wish I could see the whole eternal perspective right now, so everything would make sense. I guess that's where faith comes in..
The other night I found a picture of you and mom. I thought I looked a lot like mom, so I pulled a picture up of me to put next to it. I ended up having you on the left side, mom on the right, and me in the middle. Then I swapped me out and out Tyler, and then the girls. I was shocked at how much Tyler looked like you. Everything! It was just spittin image. Ashlee looks a ton like you as well. I think we all have our moments that we are just like you.
I can't wait, to see you again. That day is coming closer and closer. What a joyful occasion it will be to receive our perfected bodies, and be with you.
Here soon, Tyler will have a mission call. I can't express how excited and happy I am for him. I know that wherever he goes, he will be absolutely amazing.
I love you, so much.
I hope that you are proud of us for how we have handled everything that we have gone thru in the last eight years. I try my headrest, and I know mom, Tyler and the girls do as well.
Love ya much...

Jessica
Daughter

January 19, 2015

Daddy,
Merry CHRISTmas in Heaven(: Christmas just isn't quite the same without you. But then again, nothing is quite the same without you. It doesn't seem possible for this to be our ninth without you. I didn't expect for Christmas to be like this again. For over two years, I knew that I was going to be on the mission this Christmas. It was just, a fact. It was a good day, and I'm grateful for it, but all day I've kind of been sad. Even though I'm surrounded by family, I just wanted to Skype them. I just wanted to study in my pajamas. I just wanted to eat with members. I just wanted to go caroling with my district. I just wanted to be a missionary, and feel the Christmas spirit with the wonderful Southern people. I just wanted to be able to wear my name on my chest above the name of why we celebrate this day. But...I can't. I've accepted that. Better than I thought. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't eat me up inside..I've just wanted this for soo long. I've prepared, like nobodys business... I know, Heavenly Father has a plan. I just don't understand it.. But then again, I don't understand a lot of things about His plan (of why things happen) But if nothing else, I've learned that live goes on. We have the choice of how we let our circumstance define us. I've tried my very hardest to only let EVERYTHING I've gone through, shape me in a way that is in line with Heavenly Fathers will. I've learned that sometimes, we just endure life. But that's not what He had planned for us. He wants us to enjoy life too. When we are in the enduring stage, sometimes you just have to fake a smile. I'm pro at that.. I guess that makes the real smiles more meaningful.
Life, is just...hard sometimes. It seems like I'm always heading in unknown paths. I guess we just need to grab hold of the iron rod and head towards the tree of life. (1 Nephi 8 and 11) I know, that our Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christs love is simply always there. I just wish I could be sharing that with the people of South Carolina. I guess someone here in Utah needs it..
I love you dad. So much.. Today, the first gift I opened from Santa was a tshirt. On the front it says "Police Office's Daughter" and on the back it says "Some people have to wait their entire lives to meet their hero. Mine raised me." It's, completely true. You're my hero for the way you raised me and for the way you lived. That's why I love you. And that's why I miss you...
Merry Christmas Daddy. And thanks for sending me a Christmas gift..

Jessica
Daughter

December 26, 2014

Merry Christmas. Last night was a hard night for me. I tried so hard to be happy for the kids. I miss you helping me, loving me, teasing me, flirting with me, talking and listening. I seen so many things year that I thought "oh I would love to buy that for you for Christmas." You also know what happened with some of my "family". But I choose not to let them bother me. It is there problem. All I focus on is my love for you and the kids. Merry Christmas my sweetheart. I love you and miss you dearly.

Holley
Wife

December 26, 2014

Daddy, 
Quite a few things have just been running through my mind lately that I wish I could share with you.
1. We found out finally, what's been going on with my body. I have fibromyalgia. So...I get to deal with this for the rest of my life. Just like celiac. And TMJ. And loosing you. I'm taking medicine (lifelong...) that will hopefully help and get some symptoms under control. It can act up, or flare up at different times throughout my life though. 
2. I'm handling things well. I wish more than anything that everything could go the way I had planned. But now, I know they can't. That decision has already been made. Even though it breaks my heart. But, what can I do? I guess just trust in Heavenly Father that all will be well, and His will, will happen. Kinda like I've done my whole life...
3. I love how when you hear a diagnosis, everyone and their dog is a medical perfessional... Well, no they aren't. I know more about what I'm going through than they do. But, again..smiling is the only option. I can't flat out tell people what I think of their uneducated opinions. People have always done that though. They seem to be experts in anything we go through. They aren't(:
4. Five days until my birthday. Yay....The joys of leaving the teen years. It shouldn't even be possible that this will be my ninth without you. 
5. I wish we could swap mission stories. Me, tell a story, and you relate an experience and similar principle. I know that isn't possible right now though.
6. I am not even going to lie...I'm terrified for the future! For eight years now I've focused so much on preparing to serve a mission. I really didn't give...the other stuff, a second thought. I knew nothing was going to get in my way of serving a mission at the age if twenty-one. College yeah, I applied, and deferred my admission, but I don't really know what I want to do. I mean yes, I'm definitely going to do something, I didn't just take all the hard classes in high school and become a Sterling Scholar for the fun of it.. It's just kind of scaring being at a point in life you weren't prepared for. 
But, then again, such is life.
7. Also, we did our tree in Trees for Charity (in memory of you of course) for the Payne family this year. The dad passed away at the age of 39. They have three girls, and a boy. Our tree sold for......$11,250!! Plus tree toppers we don't know about. I can't even express how happy, I still am! They completely deserve it. They are sweet. 

Well... Yeah, it will be an interesting week. More follow ups and such. I know this will be a process, but I just want to be better... But..Smile(: and endure and enjoy.
Love you much! Merry CHRISTmas(:

Jessica
Daughter

December 8, 2014

Daddy,
Well...another November 21, and 22 are past. It doesn't quite seem possible. It still feels like at any moment you are going to walk through the front door. 
I think of you every day. Different memories, and things you taught us. But without really realizing it, I tend to think about something specific around this time of year. Hope. Hope and Faith. Hope and Faith, that what you taught me about Jesus Christ, our Heavenly Father, and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm so grateful, that you and mom have taught it to me. I don't know why I was lucky enough to be born to goodly parents. (just like Nephi) 15 million members of the church, out of 7+ billion people... That's insane! But, I've realized over the years, that even though I was taught all about it, I had to come to know if it's true. It's a conversion process. Something we have to work on the rest of our lives. So again, I'm grateful for the example of converted parents.
Daddy, I know, that this church is our Saviors church once again on the earth. I know that the priesthood power He and our Heavenly Father have, was given to the prophets and apostles of old. It has again been given to man on earth, beginning with Joseph Smith. I know, that the gospel is truly as simple as having Faith in Jesus Christ, Repentance, Baptism (by the proper authority) receiving the Gift of the Holy Ghost, and Enduring to the End. I know, that when we do these things, keep our covenants, and continually better ourselves, we can one day return back to our Heavenly Father. I know I want to make it to the Celestial kingdom! I know, that's the only place, that we can all be reunited together as a family. Forever. Time, and all eternity.  I am so grateful, that our Savior Jesus Christ stepped in to live and die for each of us. It's because of Him, that all of this is possible. 
So daddy, yes..this time of November is hard. But, it's also I time to be hopeful. Not hopeful in the sense that "I hope, this is true." as the world sees it, but hopeful how our Savior sees it. He lets us know in Preach My Gospel. 

"Hope is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. It is believing and expecting that something will occur. When you have hope, you work through trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement. The scriptures often describe hope in Jesus Christ as the assurance that you will inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom.
'Hope is the anchor of our souls..'
'Hope is trust in God's promises, faith that if we act now, the desired blessings will be fulfilled in the future...'
The unfailing source of our hope is that we are sons and daughters of God and that His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ, saved us from death."

Even though, nothing can make the separation of death easier, we do have this knowledge. And it makes us hopeful that Jesus Christ will be there for us now, and in the future. Hopeful, that we will see you again. 
Thank you, for being that example to us of faith and hope. 
I love ya much..miss you too.

Jessica
Daughter

November 23, 2014

8 years today since you passed away. The hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life is come home and tell our children. I know you watch over us and are aware of us. I feel your help and guidance. Thank you for all your influence in our lives. Love you more than anything.

Holley
Wife

November 22, 2014

My dear Kev. It will be eight years tomorrow. I used to say that time heals all adversities but I've had to change my thinking since you were taken from us. I was thinking about you today and about that time you and Damon almost drowned at Lake Powell. The thought that I was having is that the Lord preserved your life at that time because there were things you were supposed to do, like go on a mission, obtain an eternal companion, and bring a family into the world. You accomplished that. If only you could have stayed here to help raise your family. Your eternal companion is doing an awesome job but it's heart wrenching thinking of her having to do it without you. Today I learned that Tyler is the choice of Uintah High for the science Sterling Scholar. If you were here you would be calling to tell us about it. You would be so proud. I hope you do know about it. I think you do and I can just imagine how you are telling your associates there beyond the veil. We love you and we miss you more than you could ever imagine.

Claudia Orr
Mom

November 20, 2014

Daddy,
I just don't even know what to think or do anymore. I wish we could just receive an answer!a clear answer, to the problem, so we could fix it. I don't want to accept the reality though. I'm pretty sure I know what's up, but I don't want it to be. I know the long term consequences.. I just don't understand everything. I have always wanted to serve a mission. Always! Ever since you passed away, I wanted to be able to serve. Nothing was going to stop me. Everyone knew it. Thursday, Dr. Guinn even said, "Nobody had prepared like you did." My jaw doctor! Everyone knew how badly I wanted to go. To be able to teach others about the gospel of Jesus Christ. But even at that, nobody, knows what it's like for me, to have to be here, going through this when I so desperately want to be back in South Carolina. I've told myself for almost eight years I would go, nothing will stop me. I was the one who prepared, I was the one who experienced everything, that made everyone realize how much I wanted this...And now, I'm here, at home.
You know, everyone I see tells me to not get discouraged. That bothers me..so much. Because in all honesty, I haven't. I've tried to stay happy, and I am. I realize there is a reason for all of this, and just like every other thing in my life, I can't change it, so I'm trying to make the most of this. But that doesn't mean I don't wonder why I'm going through this. What I'll gain from this, and what the purpose is.
I miss the South. I miss the people. They are oh so wonderful. I miss being a missionary...having that authority from our Heavenly Father to represent our Savior Jesus Christ. To be able to testify, bear witness of the restored truths, and promise blessings to our brothers and sisters. Everyday, I look at my name tag. It's hard to not put it on... The two names on there mean so much.. I miss being called Sister Orr. I'll catch myself in my thoughts referring to myself as Sister Orr. The other day I took my scarf off. It kind of pulled at my shirt. I hurried and reached up to my shoulder thinking my tag fell off. I just miss it..
Then there is the fact that next week starts our year of 8's...
I miss you. Thanks for your example. I know that you have been with me.
You will forever be my hero. For the way you lived, every single day.. You will forever by my example. Love ya much..

Jessica
Daughter

November 16, 2014

I am so sad and missing you so much. Everything we do, I wish you were here doing it with us. Almost 8 years since you passed. How have we survived? The kids have missed out so much by you not being here. I have missed your help, your love, your friendship, your companionship. I feel so cheated tonight. I love you sweetheart. I miss you so much, words cannot even put what is in my heart.

Holley
Wife and best friend

October 25, 2014

Daddy,
Man..I don't even know where to begin. SO much. But you already know. I know you got to experience the mission with me. I'm grateful for all of it. Everything. I wouldn't change anything. I love the people. SO much! So many have made and impact in my life. I'm so very grateful I was able to share the message of our Saviors gospel to them. Seeing people change, (and continually progress) makes every second worth it. I know missionary work is so important. Thank goodness we don't have to wear a black name tag to share it. Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING like wearing the black tag and sharing it, I want to do it again, but I have a better understanding of member-missionary work. The best and most effective type of missionary work.
Thank you for always being my companion. I wish more than anything I had the testimony and conviction of our Heavenly Fathers plan so other way than your death. But I know for a fact that I am stronger because of it. I was able to bare sincere testimony that we will live with our loved ones again. That we will know them as our families, and that we will be in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christs presence because I long for that day! I have that hope, I have that faith. We all do now. I've been in the situation of hope being all we have..
Dad, I love you so much. Thank you for your continual guidance and support.
I don't know how you did it when you came home...I do know there is a reason for everything.
Love you..Miss you
Me

Jessica
Daughter

October 6, 2014

Happy Fathers Day. I hope you have been close to Jessica today. I shared stories with the kids today about you. We also watched some home movies. It is so good to see you and hear you but it pulls at my heart so much. It leaves me feeling sad that you are not here physically for the kids. But also thankful for the faith I have that we are an eternal family. I love you more than words could ever express and I know you know it too.
Thank you for the example you set for our kids in what a dad and husband should be.
Forever and Always, My husband and best friend.

Holley
Wife

June 16, 2014

My heart is so heavy missing you.....
I love you more than anything in the world.

Holley

May 12, 2014

Sweetheart,
I miss everything about you. The hopes and dreams that we made together. The comfort you gave me, the companionship, the friendship, the love, the way you made me smile when you walked in the room, your teasing, your help and the way you treated me. I miss you talking to me. I miss you holding my hand and holding me.
Our baby turned 10 yesterday and it has me feeling so sad. She was only 2 and a half when you were taken. How is it possible that so much time has past? How is it possible that life has went on?
I feel she got cheated out so much by not having you here physically. How can anyone be jealous of anything in our life. When all we want is life like it was when you were here.
I miss you and Jessica so much. Jessica stepped up so much to help me when you passed. I know you are so proud of all the kids. I am sure you are watching over her in South Carolina. I love you with all my heart. You are my strength, I think of what you would want me to do and try to make you proud.

Holley Orr
Wife

May 7, 2014

Happy Birthday to my husband, sweetheart and best friend. The girls made cakes(they each wanted to decorate their own) for you. We sent you balloons. I hope you have been close to Jessica this year as this is the first year that the kids and I have not been together on your birthday. Thank-you for your influence in the kids lives. I know you must be so proud of them as they are of you. We are all proud of you for the good man you are.

Holley
wife

March 18, 2014

Happy Birthday Kev. Even though it's been over 7 years since you were taken from us my heart can't seem to heal. I have this constant sadness that just never goes away. The world sees you as a hero because of the way you died. I see you as a hero because of the way you lived. You were one of those rare people who was thoroughly good and honorable. It hurts so bad to think of you not being here with your sweet and very special kids. They are living honorable lives too and if you can see them, which I firmly believe you can, I know you are proud of them. I'm so glad I have the privilege of having you for our son. I love you very much and miss you every day. Love, Mom

claudia orr
mom

March 18, 2014

Love you for eternity...

Me

January 31, 2014

Daddy,
Oh so many things to say. The days are winding down, faster and faster. I have 6 more days. Today is pretty much over, so 5 days left...I started to pack my suit cases and room up today. I didn't accomplish too awfully much though.
Another police officer was killed today. He was shot while sitting in his car, calling in. Pretty much the same way Derek Johnson, Utah's last fallen officer, was killed. He leaves behind a wife and 5 kids. Another officer was shot in the head, and is in surgery. My heart just breaks... I don't understand why some sick twisted person would kill another person just because. It is just a messed up thought. But then again, Satan is messed up as well.
Last weekend was my farewell. Daddy, I don't know what to say. You know how discouraged and upset I was when I went to bed Saturday night... It was my weekend, our house. Why not speak, to US?! I just, have tried. And I am tired of it. No one cared to talk to me, about my mission, or the temple, or my likes and interests that while I am gone, well why would someone suddenly be interested? I don't know, it baffles me. I hope you understand. Because I know you know of everything that has gone on, and you can see my side. You also know who, and that I'm not meaning the whole. Daddy, I'm just hurt. I've been hurt, and in all honestly feel like I'm not cared about; as well as Mom, Tyler, Kaylee and Ashlee.
On Sunday though, when I woke up I felt better. I helped mom, Kaylee, Gaylene and Heather work on stuff for lunch. Got ready and went to church. I was really surprised at how many people were there, and showed their support towards me. It meant a lot to me. I'm really glad that I'd asked Goodrich to speak with me. We had planned on kinda speaking about "Hastening The Work" and both of us changed to talk about Christ. I know, without knowing what happened, that you have helped him in some way, to get to me. He would be one of the few, to mention you, and do it for ME. I have no doubt in my mind that you were there to support ME! On MY day.
I'm also thankful for my friends that came. Especially those that came back and helped mom. I'm sure you probably had a hand in that.
Also, last week was my last week to work in the temple. I can't say enough how much I have loved it. Everything about it...
Daddy, I'm sorry. I feel bad...but I have to respect myself. I know I'm not perfect. I'm faaaar from it if truth be told. But I try. I'm only human. I hope you understand...
Love you, miss you..I'll be working with you soon
Me

Jessica
Daughter

January 31, 2014

I know you were there for Jessica today and only Jessica.. Thank you.

Holley

January 26, 2014

Please be close to Jessica tomorrow. I love you.

Holley

January 25, 2014

I love you sweetheart......

Holley

January 19, 2014

Dear Kevin, my heart is so heavy tonight. I miss you so much. I just listened to Diamond Rio sing One more day. I wish so much we could have a day with you. But I know I would not let you go back. I am so thankful to know that we will see you again but it is hard now. The kids have changed so much the last 7 years. Jessica will leave for her mission in one month. I am going to miss her so much. She has been my strength. I really don't know how I will make it without her. Tyler is a remarkable young man. I envision you bragging about how smart he is, how caring and compassionate he is. Kaylee teases me like you did. She is one of a kind. She has grown so much and is so beautiful. I am a worried basket case trying to find why she is not better. She goes 100 percent gluten free and still is high on her lab work.
Please tell me what to do for her and let me hear you. Ashlee will always be your tiny and my sweetheart. She gives loves to us so freely. I hope she always will.
Please continue to influence the kids lives.
I love you forever and always. Your in my heart, thoughts and actions always.

Holley
Wife

January 5, 2014

Daddy, I haven't wrote for a while and a lot has happened. I turned 19. Yay.. Birthdays aren't much fun anymore. Over Thanksgiving Ryan asked me if I was excited for our birthday. I said eh, another year. I spent it in the temple(: and we looked at Christmas lights. Next, Christmas. Christmas isn't the same without you, but for eight years now it has been the same. It won't be like that again for a few years. Even then it will be different. Daddy, next Christmas I will be alone. I won't have family with me. I'll be with three strangers and going to dinner appointments with new families. But I can't wait! Last, another New Year. 2014. The years go by so fast. Each day is farther from the last time we seen you...but closer to the next time we'll see you again.
Daddy, 34 days. That's what I have left. It still doesn't seem real.. I hope Grandma was right.
Love you miss you
Me

Jessica
Daughter

January 2, 2014

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