Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Police Officer Kyle Russell Ballard

Pasadena Police Department, California

End of Watch Friday, February 24, 2006

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Reflections for Police Officer Kyle Russell Ballard

Kyle,
I think about you all the time, I really miss you so very much. Wouter and I were just talking about how much fun we all had every time we got together. You grew up into such a great man. I love you.

Lori Fontyn
Cousin

August 14, 2007

Oh the memories we had!!!

I will never forget the times you threw rocks at me telling me to go home and yet we were both laughing! I remember looking at you from the school bus window at Clifton watching the water drip from your hair (that is how you wore in until it dried of course). I also remember the fun we had in our pool...oh and playing in your play house in the backyard. Ok, one more thing, the time you put your cat "Romle" in the freezer! I guess with all this said, you are truly remembered and missed. You are thought of often and I pray for your family many times. God Bless you Laurie, even though we have not met..you are loved. I have saved the christmas cards you have sent me and cant beleive how much the boys look like Kyle. He is with you each minute. Trust in the Lord and remember we can do all things through Christ who strenghtens us!!

Kristy
old Neighbor and friend

July 31, 2007

Hi Kyle. I thought of you on your birthday and how we used to make fun that your birthday was actually not really a celebration because it was the fourth of july. But now all I think about is you on that day...so really, you prevailed and are one up on me right now.

We had a great time with Laurie and the boys at the river. Still not the same without you...though, the big boys did have a mud fight in your honor. And the little boys fished til their hearts content. You are definitley not forgotten.

Happy Birthday K...we miss you.

Darcy

July 6, 2007

Kyle,

Happy 4th of July and Happy Birthday. I was remembering your 30th Birthday - Laurie arranged a Limo ride and we drove all over the place and we were able to hang out at the RoseBowl where we had cake. I think I gave you a new hat. It was a new hat that looked old :-) caused your old hat that looked very old- smelled bad.

I miss you and think about you always.

It was great to see Laurie and the boys a couple days ago. They stopped by to see Karolina- she is only 4 weeks old and lots of fun! I gave each of the boys a Chocolate See's-gar and explained to them the tradition of giving cigars at the birth of a baby and how I was giving one to all the guys. I even brought one to you at the Rosebowl. The boys are a lot of fun. Katie and I look forward to raising our girl as well as you and Laurie have raised your boys.

Love you and miss you always.

Jeff F
Friend

July 5, 2007

Happy Father's Day Kyle! I pray that the boys will one day, one day far away after they have acheived goals and followed dreams and can be providers :) --be as good of Father's as you were. In your much too brief time of being a Daddy, you gave them support, encouragement, TIME, and direction, and mostly you gave all of us LOVE. "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps" -Proverbs 16:9

Laurie Ballard

June 17, 2007

Kyle was with my team for over a year during the Pomona 12th Street wiretap investigation. During that time period, he was the master of developing schedule matrices for surveillance teams and wire room staff.

My team is starting another wiretap investigation next week and one of the new guys came up to me and asked me how to create a schedule matrix.

I smiled and remembered I kept a copy of Kyle's schedule matrix. I burned a copy of that schedule with instructions Kyle made. Hey Kyle, thanks for everything and your great help. I'll pass your exemplar off to this new guy so his job will be easier:)

Henry Kim-Special Agent Supervisor
BNE - Los Angeles

June 13, 2007

It is has been over a year since Kyle died and I had to receive the incredibly soul crushing news. With wisdom and blessing, your mind can process circumstances positively. Death of the body is final, it is God's hand welcoming a soul into eternity and saying you did good in this life on Earth I gave to you, you prepared yourself. Those that you leave will continue to honor and remember the good you contributed. You helped them learn how to keep their livelihoods and love alive. It feels good to heal, and experience blooming flowers and beauty flourish from soil that was burnt! Life sometimes (and even repeatedly) brings tragedy your way, from no fault of your own and for reasons you can't understand, but you are part of a community of people that care. To family, friends, co-workers, the community, and people who's lives Kyle touched, you were here to support me&us in every way from the smallest to the largest gestures. I am INCREDIBLY appreciative to everyone that sent me prayers, donations, letters, cards, flowers, made food, called, visited, and played with the boys during my greatest time of weakness and need! Please know this and know I thank you from deep in my humbled heart and am happy that you continue to be here :)

Laurie Ballard

May 7, 2007

A member of the Northern California Police Unity Tour team will also be riding in your honor during May 2007 National Police Week in DC. Please help keep us safe as we honor you our brother. If contact is not made with your family or friends a bracelet of the event will be left by your name for them to claim. Thank you for your service and peace to all who were touched by you.

R.Bucher Evidence Tech
Oakland PD CA

April 10, 2007

Dear Laurie ~

Thank you for the reflection on my husband's page, I appreciate your kind thoughts.

You hang in there. You made it through the first year, which really is the hardest, and are truly a survivor.

Police Week is just amazing, I can't even put it into words......the emotion of it is just overwhelming. I remember the moment Jesse's name was read at the Vigil. I remember seeing his name on the Wall for the first time. I remember meeting the President and telling him that my husband died, and him hugging me and saying that everything was going to be alright....I remember it all like it was yesterday. It is just an amazing experience, Laurie. Just amazing.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have made it through the first year, I have made it through the second, but our journeys have barely just begun......we have so much more to do.

We are sisters in suffering, our hearts are forever joined and we can lean on each other whenever we need to. God bless you and your family.

Warmly ~
Carin Sollman
wife of Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

April 2, 2007

I will be riding the Unity Tour in your memory. During this ride when the days grow long and the hills become steep and the body starts feeling the burn from the long time in the saddle, I will think of who I'm riding for and the family you left behind. Your memory will give me the strength to go on.
We will meet someday.

Sgt. Robert Haught
Nashville Metro Police Dept

March 24, 2007

Its been a year since you left us. They had a run in your honor on Saturday. I was working an never got the chance to make it out there. However, it was nice to hear so many people made it out there in your honor. I miss you and cant believe you are gone. It seems like just yesterday we were talking at Ortiz' house for the big game. I miss seeing your wonderful smile. You are truly missed.


PPD family member

February 26, 2007

Well Kilo, it has been a year. We honored you two days ago on the one year anniversary of the day you went 10-7. We had a great turn out at the Rose Bowl to go on a motivational run in your honor. It was awesome to see the turn out, but at the same time your absence is still painful. I still miss you brother, but rest assured, you are not and will not be forgotten.

Roger Roldan
Pasadena P.D.

February 26, 2007

Kyle,

I can't believe it's been a year already. I just want you to know how much you are missed and thought of daily.


Pasadena PD

February 25, 2007

It was so good being with Laurie today. It was also great to see how many people came out to be at your "run" today. We miss you so much and I promise we will never forget you. Love always.

Darcy
Friend

February 24, 2007

ONE YEAR TODAY. I PRAY FOR YOUR FAMILY. I HOPE THEY WILL BE AT PEACE.
JOB WELL DONE OFFICER BALLARD. NEVER FORGOTTEN.

MRS BALLARD: THANK YOU FOR THE VERY INSPIRATIONAL REFLECTIONS YOU LEAVE. IT IS WONDERFUL TO HEAR HOW YOUR BOYS ARE GROWING UP. I'M SITTING HERE WIPING AWAY TEARS AFTER READING WHAT ANDREW SAID ABOUT "DADDY BEING GONE, LONG LONG TIME". KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK MOM! WE PRAY FOR YOU DAILY.

JIM SWEENEY CIVILIAN NEW JERSEY
A FRIEND TO ALL PEACE OFFICERS

February 24, 2007

Kyle,
This life isn't the same without you...I can't believe its been a year. We still remember you, your smile, your family, and your legacy.

February 24, 2007

May Our Lord wrap His arms especially tightly around your loved ones today .

February 24, 2007

What a beautiful person...inside and out!! I can't imagine the pain of his families. The first 5 pages of
reflections are from his co-workers and family who
knew him intimately and they all said the same thing.
He was a blessing to know! Kyle, you are such a
special person and even though I never met you, I feel
like I know you a little bit and remembering you brings
such warm feelings in a world that can sometimes be
cold and harsh. God bless your sweet family and may
Jesus Himself fill in the gaps until you are reunited in
Him.
Lynn Kole
Washington State

February 24, 2007

Kyle you are so strong, when life tried to put up a wall you were never afraid to climb it and I remember what you used to tell me whenever I felt like I couldn't do it. This song gives me several different feelings; it describes strengths, challenges life gives us, and hope. And in the beginning of it, it reminds me of the pride you had for Ethan, Andrew, and Owen. You had all confidence that they will be healthy, successful, and adaptable grown men. Thank you for all you give us.

Lyrics to 'Welcome to the Black Parade' by My Chemical Romance:

When I was a young boy, my father
Took me into the city
To see a marching band.
He said, "Son when you grow up
will you be the saviour of the broken, the beaten, and the damned?"
He said, "Will you defeat them, your demons, and
all the non-believers, the plans that they have made?
Because one day, I leave you a phantom to lead you in the summer,
to join the black parade."

Sometimes I get the feeling she's watching over me.
And other times I feel like I should go.
Through it all the rise and fall, the bodies in the streets.
When your gone we want you all to know, we'll carry on, carry on.
We'll carry on
And in my heart I can't contain it, the anthem won't explain it.

And we will send you reeling from decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Lets shout it loud and clear
Do you fight it to the end
We hear the call to....carry on

We'll carry on
Though your dead and gone, believe me your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated, you're weary widow marches on

And on we carry through the fears
Disappointed faces of your peers
Take a look at me cause
I could not care at all, do or die
You'll never make me
Cause the world will never take my heart
You can try, you'll never break me
Want it all, I'm gonna play this part
Won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm not ashamed
I'm gonna show my scar
Your the chair, for all the broken listen here, because it's only...
I'm just a man
Not a hero
Just a boy, who's meant to sing this song
Just a man, not a hero
I don't care, carry on, we'll carry on
Though your dead and gone, believe me your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated, you're weary widow marches on
We'll carry on...

Laurie Ballard
wife

January 30, 2007

You have such a wonderful smile.I am sure it lights Heaven.

January 8, 2007

Dear Laurie ~

I wanted you to know I was thinking of you during this first holiday season without your wonderful husband. May you have a warm and blessed Christmas and may the New Year bring you hope, peace, renewed faith and new beginnings. God bless.

Warmly ~
Carin E. Sollman
wife of Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

December 20, 2006

I love you, Baby, forever!!!!!

Laurie Ballard
wife

December 9, 2006

We lost touch when my family and I moved away from Monrovia, but I thought of you and Diana a lot. I just wish I had picked up the phone to say hi once in a while. For some reason I was thinking about you and Diana today and found this page. I just couldn't believe it when my sister called me and told me you were gone. You and Diana were such great friends to grow up with. We had a lot of fun on Sombrero!!

Kim
Old friend

November 8, 2006

Hi Laurie,
I have read some of your husbands reflections. My husband was killed almost 10 months ago. Some days are easier than others. My heart breaks for you and your babies. My husband and I have three girls,our youngest is ten. I think one of the hardest things is that I didn't get to say good-bye.
I'll never understand why bad things have to happen to good people.
I'm hope to meet you in Sacramento in May at the Memorial.
Take Care

Diana May wife of Rich May
East Palo Alto Ca. EOW 1/7/06

October 27, 2006

Hi Laurie ~

I just read your reflection on Jesse's page - thank you for writing to me. I've read through your reflections to Kyle and I wish there was some way I could take away your pain, some way to make things better for you and the boys.

I don't know how 19 months has passed without Jesse, I really don't. It sometimes seems like an amazingly long amount of time, but then other times it feels like he was just here. When I think back over things that have happened I often can't remember if Jesse was here for them or not. I hate marking events in our lives with "before or after daddy died", and I hate that as time moves on more and more things are "after". He has missed so much - all of first grade for our daughter, preschool for our son, countless soccer and softball games, getting Savannah's ears pierced, both of them learning to swim by themselves and ride bikes without training wheels.........too many things to even put here. It's all so unfair and wrong. It makes me so angry.

But you are right, Laurie, I AM doing O.K. I get up every day and plod along and do what needs to be done. It's been hard, it's still hard, but some days it's not so hard. I think about Jesse every minute of every day and would give anything - anything - to have him back with us. But the pain in my heart isn't as sharp as it was (and as yours probably still is), it's softer now and more tolerable. Grief comes in waves and the waves knock you over, but I've learned that as time goes on the waves come a little less frequently. I'm learning to have fun again, I have a good family and good friends and I'm trying hard to learn how to live my life without Jesse (we were together for 15 years when he died). It isn't easy but I do believe that, eventually, happiness will come again for me and for you, too. The first year is definetly so hard getting through all the anniversary's and birthdays and holidays - the first Christmas without Jesse was really tough, I am sure it is going to be very difficult for you also. Just do the best you can, Laurie.

We didn't ask for any of this to happen, this is what was given to us and we are all just doing the best we can. Jesse and Kyle know that. We don't have any choices; we were placed on this path and our only option is to travel it. I've come to think of grief as a tunnel, it's dark and cold and it's a place I don't like to be.......but we have to travel through it. And as difficult as it is, it will eventually lead to a place that is sunny and warm and joyful. Eventually our memories will bring us more happiness than pain. Eventually. Try to hang in there, I know some days it seems so hard and you may not believe that you will ever reach the end of the tunnel - but you will. You won't always feel so sad and you won't always cry so much - I can't tell you when it will happen but it will.

I am so glad that you wrote to me. If you'd ever like to talk, Chris Cosgriff (he runs this site) has my email address and my phone number. Feel free to call or write, anytime. Please take care and know that I think of you and your boys often.

Warmly ~
Carin Sollman, surviving spouse
Officer Jesse E. Sollman, EOW 3/25/05

October 25, 2006

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