Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Even though Cody can't understand yet, I've been telling him stories about you. The other day I told him about the first time we realized that maybe we were more than friends. Jetti's wedding. I think I loved you from that night on. I'll never forget that look you gave me. I also told him that you wanted to rush right over to my parent's house to tell them that they were going to be grandparents again as soon as we found out. That day is so clear in my mind. I'll always treasure it. You loved my family and they love you. You were like a son to my parents and like a brother to my sisters and you embraced the role of uncle to their kids from day one. All our nephews miss you.

Cody is almost sleeping through the night now. He looks so much like you. I still can't tell if he's going to keep the blue eyes but the shape is all you.

Love you

October 13, 2005

Mrs. Lasater
I think that it is wonderful that you write to this site so often. I found myself reading your reflections and I had to laugh when you said that used to touch feet. My boyfriend and I do the same thing and nights when he is out on patrol I miss his big foot!! Those are little memories to keep with you. I never met your husband but he sounds like an outstanding man and I have all the confidence and belief that he is still there with you watching you. Best wishes to your and your son!

October 12, 2005

It's been difficult the past few days. Sometimes I forget that you are gone. I wake up with my heart feeling 'normal'. Then I walk into my bathroom were I have your end of watch photo standing on the bathroom counter and everything comes rushing back.... It's funny, in one second I relive the hospital, the funeral, the court appearances.... the holidays since April without you being there..... it gets harder as time goes on.... I've always loved Christmas, it was always my favorite time of year. I remember last Christmas giving you the Raider baby bib and you being so thrilled to have it... 'Daddy's Little Raider Fan'. I remember talking with you about how much we would all be looking forward to THIS Christmas.... We imagined a new baby joining our family and having him gazing at the Christmas tree lights.... We only thought of the happy times ahead... This Christmas is going to be so painful..... Last Christmas we were still wondering if you would have a boy or a girl.... Cody is such a wonderful addition to all our lives. Vincent held him in his lap the other day as they watched football on TV. Cody was so interested in the game. Only three months old and already a football fan... He's your boy. Missing you always, The Ferrantes

Louise Ferrante
sister-in-law

October 10, 2005

Devil Dog,

It pains me read of your sacrifice and what it has caused your family. I find myself in tears to read of the suffering. However, I am also strengthened by your sacrifice. You not only gave yourself to your country, but you gave yourself to your community. Your sacrifice will forever give strength to other officers as they hear of your story. Though we never met, you are a hero to many and your name will live on. I hope your family can rest words of Isaiah 40:31,"Yet those who wait for the Lord will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary." Though we do not realize the reason, God had a bigger need for you with him and I hope you will be forever strong guarding the gates of Heaven. Oorah, motivator, Semper Fi and God bless.

C. Strong
Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department

October 10, 2005

I have a beautiful picture of our nephews Nicholas, Daniel and Dominic that I'm going to put up next to your police picture. They're all three wearing your police shirt, Nick has your badge, Dominic has the American flag and Daniel is wearing your hat. It's such a touching picture. Vincent and Joseph are going to take one too. Vincent will wear your hat and Joseph will wear your badge.

Last night was the memorial golf tournament for Raymond Giacomelli. His family dedicated the dinner in your memory. It was such a wonderful experience being surrounded by people who care so much about both of you. It really touched me that the Giacomelli family included us. Your friends golfed and I could just picture you there with them, drinking a few beers and having a good time.

As I'm writing this Cody is asleep looking like a little angel and Scout is on my lap. Scout is still the coolest cat in the house and I can tell he misses you. Cody is starting to really cuddle, just like you. I was thinking about how you used to put your foot on mine as we fell asleep to bug me. You thought it was cute and you told me that I'd miss the foot once you were gone. You were right, I miss the foot. I miss everything. I miss our conversations most of all. You were so easy to talk to. I could tell you anything and know that you'd always love me.
Love you

October 9, 2005

Dear Mrs. Lasater,
I am so sorry. The tears just rolled down my cheeks as I read your reflections. Today is a hard day for me because I can't stop thinking about my cousin. Your husband sounds a lot like my cousin. He loved his wife and daughter so much. He was such a proud father, and when he talked about his wife, he would light up the room. He was always working around the house too, so his house would look beautiful for his soon to be big family. The night of April 10, 2004, that was all taken. His wife's dreams were shattered, just like yours. My family is no longer the same. Everything is different now. The pain lives on, and his presence is always here but he isn't. Isaac was the life of the party. He was always cracking jokes and making everyone laugh. Now he is gone, and the pain lives on.

At the police memorial in Sacramento, I met an old friend from high school/SFPD, who now happens to be my boyfriend of 5 months. When we started dating, I had really bad dreams. Terrible dreams. In the morning, I would ask myself, why am I dating a cop. There is too many risks, such a high price to pay for love. But then I thought, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." I appreciate him more than I have ever appreciated anyone or anything. I know now that tomorrow is not promised. I wish I could take your pain away. You don't know me, but I know if your husband was alive, he would want you to find happiness. I hope you find peace in this crazy world we live in. May God bless you and your son.

Cousin - Isaac Espinoza

October 7, 2005

Cody laughed for the first time today. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. I kept trying to make him do it again but he only did it twice. I wish you were here, I bet you could crack him up. Dominic tonight said he missed you but he's happy that you're in heaven. I have to believe that you are and that you can see everything. Maybe it was you that made Cody laugh today.
Love you

October 5, 2005

To the family and friends of Officer Larry Lasater and his colleagues in law enforcement:
It is always an indiscribable feeling I get every time I hear of another officer down! I too know the pain and agony that comes from losing a loved one doing what he loved to do. There are no true words that comfort, no softening of the blow, no stopping the flood of tears, no replacing the life or friend lost. Does time make it better? I've been told it does, but have not found that to be true YET!! Sensless acts of violence that takes a life does not stop one from being accountable for his actions; if not in a court of law then before our maker and Heavenly Father! Justice will be served either here on earth or in the hereafter. Know that my thoughts and prayers are with each of you as you go through your day. God's plan is a perfect one, even if we are finding it hard to see beyond our part in it. We may never know the "WHY" of His plan until we are face to face with Him, but His answer will make perfect sense. Grieve the only way you know how and do not be ashamed of how you feel. God wants you to reveal your heart to Him. He is big enough to handle yours and my anger. His shoulders are stronger than those of Atlas, and can carry any burden we place upon Him. He only wants what is best for even if we are having a hard time believing that. Know there are others who have been where you are and can feel you pain! I have been where you are as I am the wife Of Investigator Mark Tucker eow 2/12/2004. May God give you peace. Trisha Tucker

TrishaTucker

October 4, 2005

Denise just emailed me a picture taken on Easter of us. We had everything to look forward to in that picture. We were expecting our first baby. When I see a picture of you that I hadn't seen before it just makes me cry and it's so hard to stop. This one really did it for me because I think it's the last picture of us taken together.

I'm finally going to start a baby book for Cody. He has to know what joy he's brought to my life. I don't want him wondering why I never documented his early life & I don't want to forget a single moment. It wouldn't be fair to him. I have to do such outrageous things sometimes to make him smile. You'd crack up. It's worth it though to see that little toothless grin. There's nothing like it in the world. What an angel.
Love you

October 3, 2005

I'm filled with so much anger and hatred. I thought I knew what hate was but I had no idea. I'm even angry at God for allowing that hideous person to take you from us. This has made me question so many things. I haven't even begun to look into baptism for Cody. I would be a hypocrite at this point if I did. It was something that was so important to me, to both of us. Remember we were going to take Ron and Denise out to dinner and ask them to be his Godparents? We never had the chance to do that. It's so sad that Daniel no longer has a Godfather. I'm so glad we had him in the truck on Easter. That was special. I hope I can find some comfort in God soon but I'm just not ready. I don't know if I ever will be.
Today was a hard day. I went to the cemetary in the evening in addition to my morning visit. Sometimes I want to stay there all day. I'm so glad I have Cody, he keeps me sane. If I didn't have him I probably would be there all day.
Love you so much

October 2, 2005

On Friday, September 30th, the first Larry Lasater Excellence in Leadership Award was given at the Academy graduation. Deputy Matthews of the Contra Costa County Sheriff's Department was the first to receive it, and I couldn't help but remember your own graduation. You were the first academy graduate to be honored with a special leadership award and no other person had been so honored until the Sheriff's Dept. (at the suggestion of Lt. Burton) established the award in your memory. We were so very proud of you on your graduation day to see you recognized for all your hard work and dedication. We were also very proud of you on Friday, but then I have been proud of you since the day you were born and forever will be. God graced me with your presence for thirty-five years and I treasure every moment of those years and every memory. Nothing I ever achieved in life or will ever achieve can come close to my greatest accomplishment: being the Mom of two wonderful sons.
The pain of not having you with all of us is a searing pain. It literally is a physically painful sensation. But I know you want us to stay strong and united as a family...that is the best tribute to you. It was a such a pleasure to see Cody smiling throughout the graduation ceremony on Friday. It was my first time seeing him smile that much. When Erik was holding him, he just kept looking at Erik with that big grin. It was like he knew that one of his father's dearest friends was holding him, and like he knew he was in the midst of law enforcement officers and their families. Jo Ann had him dressed so cute as always, complete with a bib about being his daddy's boy. She told me that the two of you had picked out some Daddy and Mommy bibs. I loved seeing him wear that. He was absolutely adorable.
We also went to the annual dinner for the county chapter of the Hundred Club on Thursday night. What a wonderful organization. Jo Ann was presented with a red rose. James and I sat with my friends Georgia and Roy who have been so faithful about attending the court proceedings. It too was a special evening.
I talked to both your grandmothers over the weekend. Everyone loves you and we hang on to our special memories of you. Watch over all of us.

October 2, 2005

I've learned so many lessons from this tragedy. The hardest part about it though is that I can't apply what I've learned. I've learned not to take you for granted. It's too late now. I know that you knew how much I love you. We said it all the time but I wish I would have showed you more often. I thought there was all the time in the world. I thought once I was home with the baby and no longer working there would be so much time to do things for you and with you. I hope that all who were touched by your death will appreciate what they still have. God, I envy all my friends when they talk about their husbands. I want that to be me. My friends and I used to sit around drinking coffee talking about our husbands. I used to complain about you constantly working on the house. You were doing it for me, thank you.
I remember going shopping for Cody together and I told you that I was so glad to have a guy like you. I'm so glad I said that, that was about a month before it happened. I think back to some of our conversations in the month leading up to it and I have to wonder if we were preparing for it. Maybe our souls knew that something was coming. I have no idea but it is strange that I knew exactly what you wanted and you knew what I wanted. All but that one topic because you started joking around. I guess I'll have to figure out that one on my own but I can't see anything like that in my future. I'll always be devoted to you.
Love you

September 30, 2005

I went to the graduation ceremony today and the award in your name was given. You will always be remembered. Cody was so good at the graduation. He had a huge smile for Erik. It's interesting how sometimes I have to really work for a smile yet he smiles for your friends instantly. He did the same thing with John at Diego's party. Does he know that these are very special people in your life?

Did you visit my mom's house yesterday? I was over there and was in the back of the house and I heard my mom talking to someone. When I went to the kitchen she was shocked because she had seen someone come in out of the corner of her eye and assumed it was me and started talking. There wasn't anyone else but the two of us. I hope it was you.

I love you

September 30, 2005

May God Bless you. Thank You for your bravery, and honor to your country and community.

To Officer Lasater's family: How so many wish they could take away your suffering. Words can do only so much, but know we understand your loss, never ending sacrifice, and truly offer heartfelt sympathy over the loss of your hero. The blue brotherhood embraces you.

Police Officer

September 30, 2005

I love you. You are the most wonderful person I've ever known. Smart, funny, compassionate, full of life and so loving. So many people love you and miss you. I miss how I would say goodbye to you before you left for work and then we would talk on the phone during your ride in. We never ran out of things to say. I even miss our fights. They almost always ended with one of us making the other laugh. I've met so many great people because of what happened. What a horrible way to make new friends. I wish I had known them while you were here. I remember wanting you to bring me flowers more often. Now I bring you flowers each morning. I wonder if you know that Cody and I do that.

I was in Pittsburg tonight for a meeting with the wives and on the way home I saw a Pittsburg Police car. For an instant it looked like you. God how I wish it was you.

I hope you're watching over us. I'm still waiting for a sign from you.

I'll love you forever

September 29, 2005

Tonight was Nick's birthday. You were missed. I had to hide for a bit to cry. I could just picture you talking to everyone. Everywhere we went it would be "The Larry Lasater Show" If I can't get through that, how am I going to get through our anniversary? I think I'm going away that day. Every year Cody and I will do something special. This year we're going to meet Rachel the day before and then on our anniversary it will just be me & Cody. We're going to hang out on the beach, my favorite place. Watching the ocean and thinking of you. This nightmare will never end. There's no such thing as closure and I will never get over losing the love of my life. I'm so angry and I don't know what to do to make myself feel like a normal person again. I don't think that will ever happen. Tonight seeing Denise, Ron and our 3 beautiful nephews makes me miss you that much more, knowing that we'll never have that. We'll never have a family. Cody will never have the wonderful bond with a sibling. How unfair to him. He deserves a family, he deserves to know what it's like to play ball with his dad, to have little fights with his brother or sister. The simple things in life that so many people take for granted or even complain about are such blessings. I never pictured not having a family. I've gone on and on tonight, I get more depressed as reality sinks in.

Love you so much

September 27, 2005

There will come a time when it will finally be my turn to speak. I know that you'll be with me that day and I promise that I'll make you proud. I know up to this point I've done exactly what you would have wanted when it comes to that.
Cody went to baby class today and he actually enjoyed it instead of sleeping right through it. Cody and Seth are so cute together. Tomorrow Cody will spend time with Dominic. Dominic, Daniel, Nicholas, Joseph and Vincent all love their little cousin. They'll make sure he appreciates everything you did about sports. Denise told me tonight that Nicholas wishes so badly that you could be at his birthday party tomorrow. It's not going to be the same without you. Nothing is the same without you. You made everything fun. Even going grocery shopping together was fun because you had me laughing the whole time. I miss you.
Love you

September 26, 2005

To Officer Lasater, his wife, Cody and his Mom.

I have so much I want to say to you. Yet I want to give you love and encourgement..I pray I give you this somehow. Officer Lasater was without a doubt a very dedicated officer and loving son and husband. You are so blessed to have Cody this is such a tremendous gift that Larry left to you.
To see maybe his eyes or his chin, or maybe even a smile that was officer Lasaters what a gift from God you have. Maybe not now for I know you are in such shock and pain from the man who took his life this one man that changed your lives forever. I will say a prayer in just a moment and pray that you will have strength and God's grace through these horrible times. I cannot give you any steps to make it better, I am not the best example to take this from. Of course I have been to all the events, therapists, and more and still go today. You see I still cry some sort of tear everyday. Sometime with a smile and sometimes from the horrible toll this puts on your life. The horrible grief of losing someone so loved by you. I wish I could tell you things to make this easier for you. I can share that you will find when you think back. That he will have said things to you that may not have made perfect sense to you at the time but now it does. There will be little gifts something special the two of you shared. It could be something so insignicant as a Dragon Fly that comes around you or maybe even a rainbow that you shared. It will be there. You will know with certainty that his love is still with you and your soul will glow at this time. Prayer and Church has been the best thing for me. Not high dollar doctors that think they have all the answers (they have never suffered the loss you have). Forgive me if I have offended in any way. I too leave you with my heartfelt sorrow for your terrible loss he was such a beautiful soul you see it shining in his picture.

Cole's Mom my only child. All my love to you all. Forgive me if none of this makes sense for you are never the person you were once after these horrible losses.

PS I think of Cole as a special gift from God that he honored me by allowing me to have that child even for a short while. God chooses well when he takes these wonderful people from us. They are truly the protectors, the peacemakes, the brightess that have a special gift.

Cole Mom, EOW 4/25/05

September 26, 2005

I know that all mothers think their baby is beautiful but our son is really such a beautiful little boy. He looks like an italian version of you. He's starting to get little rolls on his legs and arms. I hope there really is a spirit world and you can see him. I have to believe that or I'd go insane. Cody sometimes stares at your picture and smiles like he knows you. Do you visit him?
You'd be proud of the cats. They are so good with him. Your boy Scout licks his head all the time. I think he knows that Cody is your baby. Casey still sleeps on your side of the bed. When it first happened she wouldn't leave our bedroom for a week. She was waiting on your pillow for you to come home. She knew.
Cody and I love you. I miss you so much.

September 25, 2005

To the family, friends, and co-workers of Officer Lasater:
I am just beginning to go through the horrible tragedy that you have been suffering from for five months now. I hope that people realize that when an Officer is killed in the line of duty that his family must suffer from then on. My prayer is that when people see a Police Officer that they stop that officer and tell them "Thank You for risking your life everyday to protect me". I hope that the Officers that worked with Officer Lasater remember his wife, child, and parents. Rest in Peace, brother...Let your friends handle it from here... I hope that you are patroling the streets of Heaven with my husband.
May God Bless Your Family and Friends

Wife of Sgt. Roy Gonzalez, Jr.
EOW: 7-15-2005

Shelley Gonzalez

September 25, 2005

I was deeply moved by the heart felt reflections from your dear wife, family and friends. To your wife: I am so sorry for your loss and your ever present pain. I do sincerely pray that God will give you the grace to make it through each and every day. I pray that you will have the strenght of ten as you endure the trial of the monster that killed your dear husband. To your child: Your dad served his country and his community with all he had! You deserve to have your father in your life and I am so sorry you will not have him with you literally. He is with you in spirit and will be for your entire life.
Officer Lasater-you are a hero and an example to me. I will try to be a better officer, husband and father as a small tribute to your life.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Polce Sergeant

September 24, 2005

It's been five months. I'm still in shock, I can't believe I'll never see you again. That cute smile, that laugh, that loud voice and those beautiful blue eyes.
I was thinking today how sad Christmas is going to be. This was going to be our best Christmas yet. I'll miss how you wouldn't be able to wait until Christmas for me to open one of my gifts. Every year you would give in and let me open one. I'll miss trying to find the perfect gift for you. Just think how much fun it would have been to shop for Cody together this year. I guess I shouldn't be thinking about how I'm going to get through Christmas when I still have to get through our anniversary, my birthday & your birthday first. What a horrible journey this has been. Memories of you is what's keeping me going and our beautiful son gives me something to live for.
Love you

September 23, 2005

Cody and I try to bring flowers to you every morning. That will always be our routine. I can't imagine a time that I go just once a week or once a month or just on special occasions.

Love you

September 20, 2005

To the family of Officer Lasater,

Thank you for the reflection left on Brandy's page. I can see that you are discovering there is a vast network of survivors nationwide. You will meet them in DC this coming May. It will be an experience like no other. Without the words of wisdom, late night conversations, and shoulders to cry on of those that came before me I am not sure I would be doing as well as I am in this journey.

It is a very hard journey that I have only just begun. It has gotten easier but the pain is always there. You can never forget when you look in the face of your children knowing that their life will always have a void in it. In one senseless moment every dream I had built was shattered. In the beginning it seemed that the very reason I lived was taken from me. I soon discovered that there were two little boys that I lived for and that I had to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and continue for those two little boys. Brandy is a daily part of their lives, we talk of him often, we share stories with them. They often talk of heaven and Daddy. There are moments they rip my heart out but I would have it no other way. I want Brandy's memory to live on through them.

You seem to have a wonderful support system. If you ever want another person to talk to you can get my information through Ohio COPS.

I can see that you are starting the criminal justice proceedings. That is another journey all together. I have to say sitting in the courtroom was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. The defense attorney's refused to say Brandy's name. It enraged me beyond imagination. They wanted to pretend that Brandy was mere evidence and didn't exist as a person. The whole system is designed for the defendent, not the victim.

I wish you strength in your journey and hope that you can find peace and happiness at the end of this journey.

Sara Winfield
Wife of Brandy EOW 10/14/04

September 20, 2005

Let us never take for granted those that would lay down their life for their fellow man. Have faith that their spirit will be there to comfort you.

To Officer Lasater's family, no words can take your pain away, but find some comfort in knowing others feel and understand your loss.


"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

unk author

Anonymous

September 20, 2005