Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Special Agent Jay P. Balchunas

Wisconsin Department of Justice - Division of Criminal Investigation, Wisconsin

End of Watch Friday, November 5, 2004

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Reflections for Special Agent Jay P. Balchunas

Merry Christmas to you Jay and to your loved ones.
I know this Christmas is probably harder than last year, it has been for me. I know your loved ones at Christmas Dinner talked about all the good times or past Christmas' You will never be forgotten Jay. Keep watch over your family, wrap your wings around them and try and ease some of their pain. You have not, nor will you ever, be forgotten.

Bob Gordon, father of fallen officer, Michael P. Gordon, EOW: 8/8/04

Bob Gordon

December 25, 2005

God of compassion, there is such a hole in my heart! Today should be a day of joy, but I feel only the emptiness and loss of someone so beloved. While the world celebrates around me, I remember Christmas celebrations of the past and I long to have my loved one with me. I bring my sorrows to you, Lord, like some odd gift of the magi and dump them at your feet. In my blind tears I wonder if anyone can possibly understand the depth of my sadness. Yes, you can. You sent your son to be with us in our deepest sorrows and I know that even though I might not feel it at this minute, you are here with me, grieving with me, caring for me in my sadness and loving me. Dearest lord, help me to turn to the one I miss so much today and speak. Help me heal the loss of our parting and help me not to regret the things I didn't say. Sorrow tears at my heart, but today I ask that my loss soften my heart and make me more compassionate with everyone I meet.

December 22, 2005

Part of my heart died with you. I miss you every day, every moment....forever I'll miss you.

December 22, 2005

Do you remember me?
I sat upon your knee.
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies.

Well I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow.
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream.

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown-up Christmas list,
Not for myslef,
But for a world in need.

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

As children we believe
The grandest sight to see
Is something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree.

But Heaven surely knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul.

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts.

Everyone would have a friend
And right would always win.
And love would never end.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

December 19, 2005


Imagine how our world would be
If every police officer quit
Turned in their gun, turned in their badge,
Just finally had enough of it.

No respect, no loyalty,
No appreciation of all they do,
They’d give their lives for all of us,
These wonderful officers of “Blue”.

Kicked at, spit on,
Punched, stabbed and shot,
Everyday assaults on officers,
Done…without thinking a second thought!

Our laws are in favor of criminals,
There’s always some loophole in their case,
Out again to commit more crimes and murders
…creates pain, that we, the family and friends
…in time will never erase.

Why should they do it?
Why take the risk?
Why put their life on the line?
Subject their loved ones to endless suffering,
When their precious life is lost while fighting crime.

More murders, more kidnappings, more robberies and rapes,
Just to mention a few,
Please ask yourself how life would be,
If there were NO officers in Blue!

Would you do it? Could you do it?
And for how many…would YOU give it all?
Rewards are a 21 gun salute, a Medal of Honor,
And your name gets added to the Wall.

Think about it. Why are they here?
And why do some hate them so?
Because they enforce the laws that put convicts and murderers
In jail serving time, or on “Death Row”.

All give some and some give all,
It’s a risk they chose to take:
To put their heart and soul in it,
To put their lives at stake.

So, please take a moment,
Please give it deep thought,
Think of what “you can do”…

To help show respect,
To help follow the laws,
So we’d quit losing our Heroes in Blue!

Written by Jaclyn Pocceschi Mosley
Sister of Fallen Officer Rodney F. Pocceschi EOW 6/23/03.

December 16, 2005

Although this song is really about soldiers at war, you were fighting a different kind of war on the city streets.

Send Me

We were young and soldiers called to dedicate our lives in the name of God and country
Do what's just boys
Go do what's right

A hard band of brothers waiting on our chance
To add one more page unto the victory dance
Here I am

Lord send me
Send me
Victory lies in the spirit of the lives
of the men who died for me

Well we stood upon the ramparts-
We fought to save ourselves
But the price one pays for victory
Lord I know it all, I know it all too well
And they may call us heroes -
but only those who've been will know
I would give my life for the man beside me
Just ot bring my brother, to bring him home
Here I am

Send me, send me
Victory lies in the spirit of the lives
Of the men who died for me
Yeah send me, send me
Victory lies in the spirit if the lives
of he men who dies for me

Father forgive us for we know not what we do
Father forgive us, oh we happy few
We band of brothers - yeah, we band of brothers

Now the bows have all been broken and the warriors come home
But if they called again who would answer them
Like my daddy did so many years before
Here I am

December 14, 2005


Although we would have preferred first degree intentional, Reynolds was convicted of first degree reckless homicide, as well as attempt armed robbery and felony possession of a firearm. That, along with his other convictions, is certainly enough to ensure that he will never walk free again. Since we will never have you back with us we will have to be satisfied that this is the best possbile outcome.
Well, one down, one more to go next month. Please continue to watch over us and send your family strength to get through another holiday season and another trial.
We love you and miss you.

December 14, 2005

I pray that the trial will go smoothly this time and that justice will finally be served in the law. The justice of you being taken away will never be served, but this will give some peace. LuAnn, hang in there.

December 12, 2005

Dear Luann, Balchunas Family, Friends and Loved Ones of Jay---

My thoughts and prayers are with you all as you endure the trial. It is my prayer that justice will be served. I know it is an emotional time for you all. Always remember that no matter what happens, Jay is at peace with our Heavenly Father. Jay is safe and at eternal rest. You have hope to see him again. I can only imagine how difficult this time must be. Again, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Take comfort in Jay's love in those extremely tough moments of the trial. And remember that the Lord will give you the strength you need when you feel you have no strength at all. I love you.



December 7, 2005

Hi Jay:
It's been just over a year and not one day goes by without thinking of you. I can only imagine what you are sharing with all the angels in heaven. You shared so much with so many of us here on earth, your soul is shining and you sincerely have changed our lives Jay! God Bless you! We miss you!

December 5, 2005

I Wish You Could Know

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for
trapped children at 3 AM, flames rolling above your head, your palms and
knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the
kitchen below you burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 6 in the morning as I
check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR
anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively it is too late.
But wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to
try to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of
soot-filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout
gear, the sound of flames crackling, the eeriness of being able to see
absolutely nothing in dense smoke--sensations that I've become too
familiar with.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is this
false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What
hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to call, "What is wrong with
the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in
distress or is he waiting for us with a 2x4 or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room as a doctor pronounces dead
the beautiful five-year old girl that I have been trying to save during
the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the
words, "I love you Mommy" again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine,
squad, patrol car, or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot
pressing down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the
air horn chain, or siren, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at an
intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first
comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of
teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my
daughter, sister, my girlfriend or a friend? What were her parents
reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police
officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet
my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I
nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could know how it feels dispatching police officers,
firefighters and EMT's out and when we call for them and our heart
drops because no one answers back or to here a bone chilling 911 call
of a child or wife needing assistance.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes
physically, abuse us or belittle what I do, or as they express their
attitudes of "It will never happen to me."

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or
missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to
all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self-satisfaction of helping
save a life or preserving someone's property, or being able to be there
in time of crisis, or creating order from total chaos.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy
tugging at your arm and asking, "Is Mommy okay?" Not even being able to
look in his eyes without tears from your own and not knowing what to
say. Or to have to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy
CPR done on him as they take him away in the Medic Unit. You know all
along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation that I have become
too familiar with.

Unless you have lived with this kind of life, you will never truly
understand or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job
really means to us...I wish you could though.

December 3, 2005

"Who You’d Be Today"

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
I see your smile
I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
I still can’t believe you’re gone
It aint fair you died too young
Like the story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today
Would you see the world?
Would you chase your dreams?
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Some days the sky’s so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
I know it might sound crazy
It aint fair you died too young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I’ve been through
Just knowing no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder who you’d be today
Today (repeats 5 more times)
Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know I’ll see you again some day
Some day
Some day

November 29, 2005

To a brother Officer:

May god bless you and your family as you have blessed ours. You will never be forgotten but always missed.

Metuchen PD (NJ) PBA Local 60


November 29, 2005

Dear Jay,
Another Thanksgiving has come and gone without you. It is so painfully hard to gather with family at the table and know that your place will remain empty. You will always remain in our hearts. I think of you many times throughout each day and miss you more than words can express. You brought so much love and energy and joy into our lives. You were a blessing and I am very grateful for the almost 35 years that God gave you to us. And on this second Thanksgiving after your death, I gave thanks for those 34+ years.

November 27, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving, Jay. We miss you and love you.
A,B,C & L

November 24, 2005

There was another homicide in Milwaukee the other day and the victim died at the same gas station in which you were shot. He apparently crawled there hoping to find some help - as we all know too well, they are not terribly helpful there! Another man who was just minding his own business, shot and killed, all for what...?
Please continue to watch over your wonderful family and friends keep them safe. Words cannot express how loved and missed you are.

November 18, 2005

It snowed here yesterday. The flakes were beautiful falling from the sky. This past weekend was the New Berlin Christmas parade. It was a bit rainy and cold, but still nice. I wish you were here to enjoy these things. I can see you in the beauty and tranquility of the snow. May your peace come to all that loved you.

November 17, 2005

Your life and death affects us more each day you're gone. Some days it seems impossible to move on, but your lovely Luann, friends,and family are inspirations of hope and healing. We love you and miss your smile everyday.

November 14, 2005


You are deeply missed and have never been forgotten. I've come to know your Luann over the past year, she is such a wonderful person. I know how much she misses you. Continue to give her and all of your family little rays of sunshine letting them know you are still with them in spirit.

Say hello to Scott for me.

Big Hugs,
Fiancee Scott Stewart EOW 8-11-02 Detroit

November 13, 2005

Only the good die young...

November 11, 2005

To the family and friends of Special Agent Jay P. Balchunas and his fellow officers, and most especially to Agent Jay Balchunas himself:

On this the first anniversary week of your brutal murder, please know that you are remembered and honored. Your courage and dedication will never be forgotten. You were truly a hero, and protected your community as both a law enforcement officer and firefighter.
Rest in peace, Agent Balchunas.

May your family and loved ones continue to be supported by their law enforcment family, and other police survivors.
We grieve with them and for them.

This reflection is sent with the utmost respect for the distinquished years of service Agent Balchunas gave to his community and the citizens of Wisconsin, and the supreme sacrifice he and his family made on November 5, 2004.

Phyllis Loya, mother of fallen officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

November 8, 2005

S.A. Balchunas..please know that you - your family & friends are in my thoughts & prayers as your 1 year anniversary with the Lord has past..please continue to watch over them & your fellow brothers/sisters in blue..YOU WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN..REST IN PEACE & WITH EASE BLUE ANGEL!!!!


November 7, 2005

I can't believe a year has passed. The sadness is still overwhelming to many. We rejoice in your good nature and your smile.

November 7, 2005

Dear Jay,
I never knew you, but I feel as though I had. You are very dear to those you left and they are stronger because of it. I pray for you everyday and hope your loved ones are hangning in there. You are missed.

November 7, 2005

Excerpts from a song called "Hero"

Some say a hero is born to be brave
But I'm here to tell you the hero is
A scared man that don't walk away

Momma sits by the flag of the USA
Tears well up in her eyes
As she bows her head to pray
(And she says)...

Son I know you had to go
Momma lost her little boy
But a country gained a hero

Jay, I am sure that you were scared that horrible night last October, but you were never one to give up and walk away. You fought valiantly for a week to stay with your friends and family, and we so wish you would have won the battle. Please know that you will never be forgotten and you will always be my hero.

November 7, 2005

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