Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Officer Issac A. Espinoza was taken while I was in training at a Police Academy here in Northern California. A fellow recruit lived in San Francisco, and that recruits father worked with Espinoza at some point in his career.

In rememberance of Officer Isaac A. Espinoza we held a fund raiser at the Police Academy to raise money for Officer Espinoza's family.

This is something I will always remember, and something that the entire class of the 144th BLEC in Santa Rosa, CA will keep close to our hearts.

Rest in peace, Officer Isaac A. Espinoza.

Joseph Jordan
Police Academy Recruit

March 21, 2005

Renata...you are so unbelievably strong even though it probably doesn't feel like that to you. One day at a time is all anyone can do....

March 18, 2005

Hi Isaac we thought of you all day today. Watch over Renata and Bella. We miss you so very dearly. Sonia

March 17, 2005

Renata,I normally dont talk to you through this sight, but your Torn Apart reflection left me crying for a while.You did not leave one thing out, you expressed all of your hurt and anger and it is so un-imaginable because I can only & only imagine what you are feeling and going through. Remember what we talked about at lunch the other day. Take it one day at a time, that is as much as you can do. Time and God will be your healing friend. And you know what, you are much stronger than you really think you are and I sure admire you for that.One day you will smile from within deep inside you, but your wonderful memories will forever stay with you, that is something that you cannot let go, that is what keeps you alive. Im always here for you, you know that. Love you Sonia

March 17, 2005

Time after time I keep telling myself that this isn't real, that we are all going to wake up from this terrible nightmare, but as I look at you,Nina and Bella's picture reality sets in and as April 10th rolls around its another reality check that I have to give myself...that it's going to be a year without you and the reality of that is there are going to be many more years without you so the pain and loss will never end.... GOD PLEASE HELP US ALL

March 17, 2005

Ice ,I miss you and love you very much.Ask God to grant us strength day by day. Your brother
Edgar.

March 16, 2005

Torn apart between two worlds
the living and the dead.
Torn between the life that is now MY OWN a life I must live each day without you.
Torn between this life that I did not ask for but have to endure every single day. Laughing, loving, breathing, remembering, hoping, wishing, crying, dying inside.
Torn between this life of the living, or survivors (ha)whatever that means. Surviving what? Pain, hate, anger, sadness,unbelief, nightmare?
Torn between two worlds that ask more and more of me that I cannot give.
The world of the dead is how I feel inside walking around with no emotions, my heart grows colder to this world of the living, I have nothing inside, I am frozen. Confused, lost, Dead. Living in this world but walking dead inside.
Torn between the love of my soulmate and the love of the gift left behind.
Torn between what is right in your eyes and what is right for me now. Battling inside with what I knew was right and what now I can't see is right. Fogged up my mind is frozen. My soul is lost. I am emotionless.
Torn between living each day smiling,pretending, fighting, moving on or dying inside alone, scared, lost, confused, angry.
Torn between accepting that you are gone or waking up and realizing it's not a dream.....Torn apart

March 16, 2005

TO Nina, as surley as day follows night,and spring follows winter life does follow grief.The memories that brings tears to youre eyes,will one day bring healing.Stay strong.from Becky Moreira.

March 15, 2005

Watched Ladder 49 this weekend and couldn't help but tear up. I had a lump in my throat, thinking of how it takes a special person to have the courage to be a police officer/fire fighter. I thought of your wife and daughter and how proud they must be, yet how much they must miss you. Of all your fellow officers how they must wish you were back. This was a movie, I can only imagine what living it would be like.
Thank you for your courage. Rest in peace and watch over us and all the police officers who risk their lives so we civilians can live peacefully.

God bless your family!

March 14, 2005

Dear Isaac,
Today just wasnt a very good day for me. I couldnt help but stop and think of you after school. I try to hide my pain and try to hide the tears from my eyes. Its hurts for me live each day and pretend that everythings okay, when in reality its reall not. It kills me to see Renata and Bella and look at them & realize that thats THEM thats the FAMiLY. theres no you, theres no family theres no more being happy. Its just them. The two of them alone. I dont want people to be happy. I feel like its not fait that people should be happy if other people out their in the world arent happy with the ones that they love. Its not fait Isaac, its really not & sometimes it just doesnt seem ream. I want you back here with Renata and Bella and i want evreyone to be happy. It doesnt even seem real. I feel like sometimes im going to wake up and see you there outside, doing something, i dont know what but something! You were renatas dreams, you were her hopes, the air she breathes, the reason she went on each day, the reason she smiles, she cried, the reason she laughed, and the person you made her to be. I feel like the person she has become is because of you.I sometimes get so speechless and just numb and i still wonder WGT? god, why? I hate it. I hate it so much. I miss you & i wish you were here with me. Ill never forget you & please watch over me & guide me. Never leave Renata and Bellas side. They need you. Miss you.

Monica

March 9, 2005

The layers I have put around the pain of your going are thin.

I walk softly through life, adding thickness each day.

A thought or a feeling of you cracks the surface.

A call to you shatters it all.

And I spend that night in death, spinning the first layer of life with the sunrise.

It will never be the same
I will never be the same
You came
We loved
You left
I will survive until I survive.
and one day I will find myself alive again.
and yet another day, you will return and I will see
It is not the same.

March 9, 2005

Hi Isaac, well as you know Ana, Vero and I went to see you today. You must still be rolling after the conversation we had especially how much we talked about the Raiders, well you know how that was between us. We laughed and shared some tears, boy you are missed and we always talk about. This next couple of weeks is going to be very hard on your family, please help them through this. Renata and Bella are so wonderful, your innocent little angel looks just like you, you would be so proud of her. I look over to your house many times a day and I can see you so perfectly the way you were, sun bathing on you deck, or mowing whatever in your back-yard, or outside talking on the phone and watching Bella play. We think of you every day you are so dearly missed.
Sonia

March 9, 2005

His Journey's Just Begun

Don't think of him as gone away--
his journey's just begun,
life holds so many facets--
this earth is only one...
Just think of him as resting
from the sorrows and the tears
in a place of warmth and comfort
where there are no days and years.
Think how he must be wishing
that we could know today
how nothing but our sadness
can really pass away.
And think of him as living
in the hearts of those he touched...
for nothing loved is ever lost--
and he was loved so much.

Love Jozzie

March 8, 2005

Hey Bro.
It's been a while. I went by the to see you on Sunday when I was in the Area. I think about you everyday and I have your picture on my Computer Desktop. I came to see you the day we all said good bye but I'm sorry I could not face you one last time in person but I wanted my memory of you to be the same that it always has been....a smile and a joke. I know we weren't super close in high school be we did have our moments and joked around alot in class. What I remember most is that we ran into each other again a few months before you were taken from us. I remember working out at the gym and the day we caught up with each others lives while trying to work off some calories on the eliptical trainer. You are such a proud husband and father. I remember the days you would ride off from campus in the primered Impala. I think it was a 72 or 73. Man you used to love that car. And everyday you would have renata sitting right next to you rollin' In our last conversation you gave me some pointers on applying to the PD, well guess what bro' I have my oral board next week and I hope to be in by this summer. Although we didn't keep in touch throughout the years after High school, I have learned and heard so much about you and your career. I truly feel like I have caught up on your life a bit. Isaac, dawg your a good man. I speak to you in the present sense because the way I remember you and alway will is that you remain in our hearts and mind.

I miss you dawg and I promise that if I make it that I will remember honor and not bring disgrace to the SFPD and or your name.

Love you bro.

Renata, bless you and Isabella sweetheart.

Patrick
Westmoor High '93

March 8, 2005

I went to see you on thursday. It was quiet and peaceful. Surrounded by flowers from renata(they were still vibrant). I hadn't been by in a while but it was comforting to talk to you after so long. I like the pictures you have with you right now. I will see you again really soon.

February 26, 2005

Hey Iz,
You have been so deep in our hearts and minds, and speaking for myself, now more than ever. It's a powerless feeling because each of us wishes we could do something to make someone, anyone feel better about not having you in our lives anymore. But it's almost hopeless because nothing makes that empty-hollow feeling go away. Although, I have to say, that remembering all your funny jokes, pranks, and laugh will forever bring a smile to my face and for a minute make the pain go away. Miss you and love you.

February 23, 2005

Maybe it's these last cold rainy days, or the way a ray of sunshine lights up the house.
Maybe it's the way it smells in the morning as I start my day or how empty the streets look like when I'm driving.
Maybe it's how I expect to hear your voice when I get home or hold you tight as I go to sleep.
Maybe it's how each day that passes by I realize your not coming back or Maybe it's how our daughter grows into this perfect little person made up of me and you.
Whatever it could be has been hard for the past couple of days. I have missed you so much. I wish time would stand still for just a moment. I stayed up the other night and watched your video over and over again just to see you one more time and to hear your voice. It was torture, but I needed you, I missed you so much and that was the only way I knew how to have you for a minute. I don't know if it is the fact that my life is only gonna get worse with everything that is coming up or just the fact that everyday I think about you and miss you. Somedays are better than others but there's that hole in my heart that will not heal. Maybe it's the way I loose myself in our memories and wonder if happiness will ever come back.
Whatever it is I find myself missing you today more than ever......

February 23, 2005

It hurts that your gone. I think about you alot. I was in the city yesterday and couldn't help but to think of you. you are missed and I am sad.
Renata and Bella...I think of you often too...It makes me sad to know that you are without him.
Regina..your brother was the best!

February 22, 2005

Cousin

I still cant beleive your gone. I am still in shock but I am mad. I am mad that your not here to share with us family times. I am mad that you were taken so young. I am mad that your daughter will grow up without you. I am just mad that this has happened to you and all the wonderful people that loved you so much. Its not fair. It is hard to accept. I go on though,with my everyday mundane life. I have to. You cross my mind several times the day. I miss you.

February 22, 2005

ZAK-

Your pictures are in my locker, your memories spread around the station, and yet, I'm still in denial. I simply can't believe that you're gone, all of that positive energy...its not here anymore. I keep a portfolio dedicated to you, but its all so unreal. My last vision is watching the firefighters standing on top of the trucks saluting you as we drove under the overpasses on 280. In our patrol car, we were such a wreck, we started swerving, and the flags hanging from the fire trucks were a red, white, and blue blur. It was absolutely amazing! At the entrance of the cemetary, a small boy (about 8) held an American flag in one hand, and a salute in his other hand. How happy we were to see someone so innocent and unbiased, paying respects to an Officer he was (probably) raised to look up to and trust(the good 'ol days, huh). I couldn't think of a better person to look up to. Thank-you for being our Angel.

bayview officer
s.f.p.d.

February 21, 2005

Brother, My heart aches when I think of you . My heart hurts when I imagine what my sister and niece must feel. I ask God that he gives us strength that we may carry this cross. I know you are in his presence and I long for that day when we see you again. Our lives are not the same with out you. I love you bro:
Eggy

February 21, 2005

Yesterday I was on the street in Bayview. I thought about you. I thought if you were alive you would be meeting me there, watching my back. Then I thought, you were proably there watching my back from above. But that brought me no peace.

I ask over and over again, Why did he take you. Why you and why all this pain. Why do we all hurt so much. So many questions that will never be answered. I cry and cry and cry and it never seems to get better. I miss you Isaac.

February 18, 2005

God please help us all, take all this hurt and anger and give us peace. We love and miss you Isaac.

February 16, 2005

Hi Baby,

What can I say but that today was a long day. It was my first Valentine's Day without you in 13 years. I woke up numb. Which I guess is good, I felt nothing I blocked all the pain away. I tried not to think of you or our last Valentine's together as I went into the store and saw all these people in love buying Roses and Balloons for their lovers. A feeling of anger and unfairness came upon me as I picked out three dozen perfect yellow roses for you. Thinking I shouldn't be bringing these to him. I should be waking up to find a vase full of roses with the most perfect card telling me how much you loved me. Ha it's not fair I find myself saying out loud. As I drive to see you with sadness taking over me with pain filling the bottom of my stomach, I look up and for a second I feel peace, warmth. It has stopped raining. I arrange your roses all around you and stand back to look at them, they are so bright and beautiful like the sun they remind me of your smile. I talk to you for a while, I tell you how much I miss you, how much I love you and then stop to say thank you for all the 13 Beautiful Valentine's I got to share with you each one unique, special. I kiss you good-bye and start to walk away just to realize......
Today is my first Valentine's Day without you.....

February 15, 2005

Iz, I know today has to be a very difficult day for you and our/your family. For you to be up there watching down on what is going on here on earth, sometimes I know you are pissed, so are we. I know you know that we love you with all our heart and soul, it's days like today when we are reminded of the void in our lives. Thank God for the big family we have, for the bonds and the memories we have shared and for all the love that keeps us together and that helps us get through each and every day, especially the bad days. I love you.

Your Big Cousin

February 14, 2005