Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Dan, it doesn’t seem possible that in just a few hours a year will have come and gone since you were last with us. I miss you so bad man, I just keep thinking of the last conversation that I had with you and remember the last time I saw you, we were at the jail and you had a prisoner you were taking in. I can still see you standing there with that smile that you always had, and even more so after you were sworn in. John and I are going to the cemetery late tonight to visit for a while. I just wish that I could see you and have you here with us. I talked to Andrew for a while Friday and we talked about how we missed you and how hard tomorrow is going to be. Well man I will go for now and I will talk to you soon. I miss you Starks.

Explorer Chief-Travis Daniels
Fort Myers Police

October 24, 2004

Dear Daniel,
I am writing this reflection a week before your one year. I am starting early but I want to be able to think of everything I want to say. It reminds me of when I had to write what I was going to say at your funeral. I didn’t have that much time, and I thought of a million things I could have said that I didn’t.
It’s hard to believe you have been gone from our lives for one year. Even though you may be gone from our human world, you are not gone from my heart. So much has gone on since you left, that I wished you could have been apart of.
Your dad is working, and is really involved with church. He is teaching boys Sunday school, I believe, and still doing the “donut ministry”. I remember all the times we walked up to the table on Sunday mornings to see him. It is very hard to do that now. Anyways, he was also nominated to become an Elder. When I heard that I knew you’d be so proud. I can just imagine you saying “Yup, my pop is gonna be an elder.” How thrilled you must be for him in Heaven. No matter what happens though, he has become my dad that I never really had, given my circumstances. He has blessed me with many things that I am truly grateful for. Trust, honesty, and the ability to joke around about things to make certain situations seem not so bad is something I treasure. He is wonderful, and I love him just about as much as you do. He is doing well, and I know you are glad about that.
Your mom is one to be proud of as well. Still working at Dillard’s but we are together there so it is a little fun on the good days. She is now the manager over the entire ready to wear department which she has worked hard to achieve. She along with me makes sure that you have nice flowers at the cemetery, and all the good stuff. She is doing well, but like me has the not so good days. We have grown so close and she is really a second mother to me. We always joke about how you would be telling us to stop talking so much in church. I really value the time I get to spend with her, because I know she hurts as much as I do. Your family is truly remarkable and stands to be recognized. Your mom loves you so much, and she really pushes to make sure your memory remains, and that you are cared for, even though you’re not here.
Ben is doing well. He is at school, and I hear he’s doing well. He loves Greek and is getting ready to learn Hebrew. He also made a CD with Adrian, and H.T. I know you would love it. The band’s name is Merciful, and they are really awesome. Ben is a great brother, and I’ve learned so much from him about strength, and endurance. Throughout this last year he has become invaluable to me and I love him.
Andrew is staying strong too. He misses you so much, and I understand his longing to see you again. He is working construction, and liking it. He had some trouble with his car but it’s all being worked out. He is on the road to really becoming a great guy, although he was before all this happened too. He is working hard to make you proud, and I’m sure he is. I love him as my brother as well.
As for me, the days are flying by. After you died I had some rocky spots but all in all I think I’ve made it through okay. I’m living at home where I feel I need to be right now. It’s the best place for me, and it’s working out okay. I graduated, but am having a rough time finding a job in my field. So, Dillard’s is where I am. It has its days but I’m just grateful for a job. I work days with no nights so that’s pretty good. It keeps me busy and my mind busy which is what I need right now. I may go back to school for occupational therapy but we will see..Your parents bought me a dog so I’m having fun taking care of my first dog. She is crazy, but so much fun and brings happiness to me especially on the days that aren’t so good. I have a rough time finding the words to explain how I feel. Some days it’s loneliness, other day’s anger. I get angry at the people that don’t understand, that don’t feel your memory is important. I get frustrated with the people that will never understand what my heart has to endure everyday. But on whatever day I’m feeling, I push myself to go on. Because I can hear you telling me that what I’m doing is silly, and to get out there and keep going. But it’s so hard sometimes. There are days that I go to the cemetery and cry to you for help. Other days I go and tell you of all the joy I had on a good day. Needless to say you are always there listening. Just like you where when you were here with me.
It’s hard to believe that one year has gone by where I haven’t seen you walk through the door, or hear you say my name, or leave me a crazy message on my voicemail. I haven’t seen you wave goodbye in your truck, or put on your uniform and kiss me goodbye. It seems like yesterday we were registering for wedding things, and talking about getting our house or an apartment. Now, all of that is just a memory. I sometimes think I need to start writing everything down. Every single thing that I remember because I don’t want to forget a single thing. I often wonder everyday where we would be if we were married. Where we would be living, would we be starting a family? I know one thing; we would be so much in love. It’s hard to explain in one reflection of my love for you. I have struggled since you left us, and I don’t fully think that anyone knows of the complete and utter happiness you brought to my life. Everyone says to trust God, and trust in your memory, but it’s very difficult. I trust, but I do not understand. There are so many people that claim they care, but when it comes down to it, they would really rather not be bothered. I’ve learned that that’s okay with me, and that all I need is right in my heart and that is our love.
I sincerely hope that you are flying around in Heaven with so many other’s that have gone as well. I often wonder if you’ve met Leslie, my great grandmother, Brian Haas, Bryan Verkler, Micah Brown, and Dennis McElderry to name a few. I bet Heaven is so amazing, and I am so glad you are safe, and secure in the arms of our Lord. My prayer is that you will be proud of what I do on Earth, and that my actions will make you proud of me. On this one year mark, and every day of my life I will forever be yours, and you will forever be my true love.
I Love You Forever,
Jessica

October 24, 2004

As the 1 year aniversery approches; Officer Starks is still in the memory of so many. I remember hearing the news when it happened, and I still think about it. Even though I did not ever have the pleasure to meet Officer Starks, I know that I lost a brother I never met. A hero. God Bless you Officer Starks, your family, friends, and us brothers and sisters. Your are a true hero to all of us. Thank you, Officer Starks, for your sacrafice.

Officer Mel Bowen
Florida Dept. of Corrections

October 23, 2004

Just wanted all of you to know that we are thinking about you at this time. Daniel we met your parents a couple of weeks ago, we got to talk about you and Clint. We know that you both are looking down on all of us, we just miss you so much.
We are thinking and praying for you guys during this time. Just remember all of the good times and memories that you have, it will carrying you through all the sad times.
Daniel your mother talked about how big you were, how they didn't even make a uniform big enough for you :) Well, we all know that you made up for that with the size of your heart. She was so proud of you, just know that she misses you everyday.
Keep watch over all of us here, until we can all be together again...

Connie Barker
Mother of Clint Walker E.O.W. 1-14-04

October 17, 2004

Hi Dan,
Well i am still here in Washington D.C i cant wait to get back to florida. i finaly got to go to the memorial. I found your name and skecthed it out. It was hard for me to do that. i met a nice lady there by the name of Mary Cocke she is there everyday helping peolple find names. She saw me sitting there just looking at your name. Honestly i could not hold myself and just started to cry. Dan it has been real hard on me knowing that your gone. I will always have the good memories we had at the fire station, and how we teased you when you were a explorer with ft.myers p.d. You are greatly missed Dan, but you will always be in my heart. God Speed Dan.

engineer albert rivera
bayshore fire rescue

October 14, 2004

I saw your number yesterday and I realized that it has been a year that has gone by. I struggle for words to express how sorry I am that such a thing happened. I try my best to keep in touch and to help raise your lovely ladies spirits whenever I can. I miss her happy face as much as I'm sure others do. You can be sure that you are very loved and always will be. Amanda and I wanted your loved ones to know that we care. You are in my thoughts and prayers

Janet

October 8, 2004

Daniel,
I was thinking about you since it has been almost a year since the accident. I just pray that God is able to watch over your family, Jess, and loved ones to help them through their grief. May you also watch over them and touch their lives each and every day. The world is just not the same without you in it.
Amanda

October 8, 2004

Hi Baby. Thought I'd leave you a note just to..well leave you a note! I can't believe almost a year ago you were taken away from me. I struggle daily with the fact that I cannot hear your voice or see you walk through the door anymore. I've struggled so much daily with just trying to move on. Because I don't really want too. I just want this horrible nighmere to be over and for us to be happy again. So much for that though. So, another day is done and another one will be here before I know it.
I Love You So Much -

-"Your" Jess

October 6, 2004

Dan,

It's been almost a year since you've been gone and I've thought about you everyday. I have a picture of you with two other deputies sitting on my desk that is a daily reminder of what a hero you are. You have touched, and continue to touch so many lives. Jessica, your Mom and family, and so many others love and miss you so much. I'll never forget all the fun times we had with Mark...doing donuts on the golf course, laying out at the beach (get a tan, Starks!!), listening to that redneck comedian in your truck. God Bless You Dan.

Amy D'Alessandro

October 5, 2004

When somewbody dies, a cloud turns into an angel and flies up to tell God to put another flower on a pillow.
A bird gives the message back to the world and sings a silent prayer that makes the rain cry. People disappear, but they never realy go away.
The spirits up there put the sun to bed, wake up the grass, and spin the Earth in dizzy circles.
Sometimes you can see them dancing in a cloud during the daytime when they're supposed to be sleeping.
They paint the rainbows and also the sunsets and make waves splash and tug at the tide.
They toss shooting stars and listen to wishes.
And when they sing wind songs, they whisper to us:

"Don't miss me too much. The view is nice, and I'm doing just fine."

(Courtesy of Blue Mountain Arts)

September 21, 2004

My Dearest Daniel -

There is no real special reason for this posting. Just another crazy day with out you here. It's really sad sometimes. I am constantly loosing my way and am suddenly reminded in a werid way that you are still with us. A "311 sighting" as I now calls it always seems to calm my anxious heart, and help me smile a little more sometimes. I sure do miss seeing you and all the things that used to make me laugh. Too many memories to list on one message board. I keep them in my mind and think of you everyday. I am so glad I got to spend a year and a half of my life with you. I wish it could have been longer. I Love You. That is something no one can take away.

-Jess

September 13, 2004

Daniel,
well it's almost been a year since you've been gone.
I think about you all the time and wonder why horrible things happen to such good people. God has a plan for you that is why he took you away from everyone. I will say you have made me do alot of thinking, and growing up.
I have recently enrolled in college. So I just wanted to thank you, and let you know that you're still helping everyone, eventhough your gone.
Thanks so much.

Nancy Stalter

September 10, 2004

Hi Dan,

I have been reading through the reflections left by so many. You are a true hero and have touched more lives than you can imagine. How proud we are to be a part of the family you stand with still.

Jarrid had recently been assigned to me for training. We spent the other day during Hurricane Francis talking about you and laughing at all the stories he had to tell. It is as if you were here just yesterday. you are so deeply missed.

Know that everyday we walk into briefing you are a part of it - We are constantly reminded of the life you lived and continue to serve with you always in our hearts..

We will meet another day my Brother to laugh and joke about all the unforgetable memories you made while here on earth. Stand Tall, stand Proud, You stand for more than the badge I pin on my chest each day I head for duty..I thank God I have an angel like you watching over us.

God Bless you and your Family

Nancy

Officer Nancy Mulligan
Fort Myers Police Department

September 7, 2004

Hi my precious

i love you......

mom

August 30, 2004

D -

Yesterday me & your mom saw Millhorn on a shoplifting call @ the store. It was so good to see someone who was close to you before you died, and see how he remembered you. He misses you about as much as we do. He made your mom and I smile and I know you were there with us. He had the blue ribbon that we made in honor of your when we went to DC in his car. He has it hanging to where it faces the front passenger seat - so every rookie has to see it when they are riding along.

I think that is such a good thing.

Truly remarkable.

I don't want anyone to forget you.

I don't think that it is possible that anyone will. You were so loved, and still are.

Once again, Thank You for keeping us going with your memory.

I miss you so much & like always; I Love You.

-J

August 25, 2004

Dan, I ran into your mom and dad, and ben last night, and seeing Ben and hearing his voice mad me feel as if I were talking to you. If I could have closed my eyes and just listened to Ben talk I could see you standing there smiling. You have been heavy on my mind for the past couple of weeks and I dont know why. I miss you every day man, and still keep you name and number in my Nextel. Well I guess thats all, I just had to write some words down for you, I miss you bud. See ya

Explorer Chief. Travis Daniels
Fort Myers Police Department

August 20, 2004

Dear Daniel,
I keep on praying that one day, all the pain will be gone from my heart and I will once again see you. I often wonder if it will pick up like it was before..that when I meet you in Heaven it will be to you like you were only gone for a second. Oh what joy will fill my heart when I can meet you, AND Christ at the same time. I know that that will probably be awhile but I will be ready for when it comes. Life is not easy without you here to say the least. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, and wish you were still here with me. Some days are better than others. But the one thing that I will probably never understand, or stop feeling is the pain of "missing" someone. Most people miss someone for a couple of days or a week; but I have to miss you for a longer time than that, and sometimes it pangs at my heart so bad that I just want to give up. But I know I can't because you wouldn't if you were still here. You'd be telling me to not let others get to me..then you'd bring me some ice cream or flowers..right?? haha.

I thank you so much for keeping all of us safe down here especially with the hurricane that just recently passed near us. I keep thinking back now to when the storm was getting really bad and when I was really starting to get worried. I looked down at my cell phone and the time, and it was 3:11. I just couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief because I know you were up there watching over me. It's just one of the many ways you let me know that. And I am thankful if all I can have is that.

I saw some Police Officers out directing traffic because the traffic lights were out - and I couldn't help but smile because I KNOW you'd be working and LOVING every minute of it if you were still here. You'd be out there doing something with the guys. ANd if you wern't policing you'd be over at Bayshore helping out in some way.

Even though you're not here everyday you stand to amaze me - just like you did when you were living.
I Love You So Much -

Jess

August 16, 2004

Jess-

I have read through Daniel's reflections and have also seen you writing to other families on sites. I don't think you realize your strength. You are a strong woman. You give strength to others by what you write.

My fiance died a little over three years ago, and I still have struggles when it comes to writing on the reflection sites. It all comes back everytime I try.

I wanted you to know that the pain does get easier to live with. I would cry myself to sleep every night for the first two-years, as I am sure you have those endless nights also. I would lay awake at night and stare at his pillow and just wish he was laying there too. I would hug it and just close my eyes and pretend it was him.

There is never going to be a point where you feel whole again, there is never a point when it won't hurt as much as it does right now, but you will learn to deal with the pain. You will learn to concentrate on your future and life continues whether you want it to or not, whether you can handle it or not.

I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant 3 days after I burried my finace. Coincidently I gave birth to a little boy that looks identical to his daddy. That was my sign from my fiance that he had made it to heaven and sent me a gift. You will get your gift too. Daniel wouldn't have left you without something.

Good luck to you and remember, when you are laying there awake crying so am I.

Jessica

August 6, 2004

Just wanted to tell you that I Love You Daniel.

- Jess

August 5, 2004

Daniel -
I am having a rough day today. People are really starting to irritate me by saying things that arn't true about me. I am not reacting though. I bet up in Heaven, no one talks about anyone. It must be so nice to get along with everyone.
Things here are going ok, as you probably know. I hope to start my new job at the begining of November. I am learning patience while waiting. I always remembered how patient you were. You never faltered, and always knew exactly the right moment for everything. It baffles me how to be like that. I am trying though. I love you so much - and am really missing seeing your smile, or hearing your voice sayin "get ur done", or seeing you in your ripped wrangler jeans. I guess you never know what you take for granted until it is gone. Oh yeah - I am giving Ben your sunglasses. I hope that is okay. I'm sure you wouldn't mind..they don't quite fit me well and I'm going to give them to him so he has them.
I Love You..watch over us down here esp your mom, dad, and brothers.
All my love -
- Jess

July 30, 2004

my darling daniel

today i really miss you. i dont know why.
my heart is still breaking i know you are in heaven and i am so lucky God has you with him but i still miss you so much.
i went to the cemetary yesterday and you had gold fmpd pins. i dont know who left them for you but i love them.
i think daddy is going to attach them to your headstone so will will be there forever. jess had some trouble with her car again but you already know that. she is such a blessing to me thank you for bringing her to me
i love you honey
rest easy in heaven we are all fine
the dept is working on your memorial in front of the station. i hope it is started by your anniversary.
take care of all your new friends and watch over us here, we love to see your 311 in different places. jess sees it on a bus often.
my heart is with you and all my love
mom

July 29, 2004

Hey Dan, Just wanted to say hey and was thinking of you today. Its hard when I go to work and come home, I drive by the cemetary. I give you a wave and a thumbs up. I listen at least once a week to your CD the police department made. Its hard to beleive your gone and not here. Bayshore is not the same without you. We bought a truck from Ft. Myers Beach, and its going to be the volunteers truck. I am putting your name and badge number on the truck for all to see. I miss you bud. I still have you in my NEXTEL. I can't delete it. Words cannot describe my loss in my heart for you. You were and still are one of my true friends. Watch over me and the rest including your family and Jess. I will see you soon.

Ed Cornish, FF and President
Bayshore Fire and Rescue

July 23, 2004

Daniel - I found this poem on another fallen officer's website. When I read it, it was so fitting..for all officers on this Earth.

I Love You My Dear.
- Jess


"We Remember the Officers"

We remember the officers who changed our lives,
The men and woman who protected us day and night,
People who respect for their dedication to the cause,
For when faced with danger, they never even pause.

We remember the officers who always stood true,
Whatever the color of uniform, brown, green or blue,
With pride and integrity they say "To serve and protect",
For the giving of their life, we offer our respect.

We remember the officers who we never really knew,
Persons strong enough to answer the challenge are few,
With heavy hearts we mourn the officers in eternal rest,
There's more to these people than the badge on their chest.

(Author: Unknown)

July 21, 2004

Dear Daniel,
I've been thinking of you everyday since i heard of your passing, i went to the church and the cemetery but it hasnt felt like enough, i was so relieved to come across this web page. I havent seen you since, gosh, we were both probably 15, wednesdays at church! It breaks my heart that i did not keep in touch with you. You were such an unbelievibly awesome soul, i miss you dearly, i always thought about you and how you were, of course i got the scoop from Donna and John and my father, but gosh Dan, i never ever thought time could or would be cut so short, you always think you have all the time in the world. I have so much to say to you, and hope in time i will get it all out, but for now, i just want to say that i miss you and i know everyone else does too, words could never describe what you were and are, an angel on earth. Thank you for the great memories of always being my rock to lean on, shoulder to cry on and friend to laugh with. You were such an amazing ray of sunshine!! I cant wait to see you again!
Deja Barbosa

July 17, 2004

Daniel - Happy Fourth of July!! Remember last year? We went to Cracker Barrel with your parents and Sharon. Haha. This year we went out on the boat to watch the fireworks with Toni and Roger. You would have laughed and probably were. It was crazy and our boat almost wrecked with another one! The things I get myself into....

I miss you so..As I watched the fireworks from down here I thought, It must be an awsome view from Heaven.
I Love You,
- Jess

July 5, 2004