Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Denise,

I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I am thinking of you today. I came upon this memorial by accident but was in tears by the time I'd read all of the reflections. Please know that no matter what kind of circumstances surrounded your marriage when Calvin passed, you were still married to this wonderful officer...don't let anyone take that from you. God Bless you and keep you today, tomorrow and always. I know Calvin is watching over you!

Calvin, thank you for doing what some can not...you will not be forgotten!

An LEO's Wife

January 4, 2005

Dearest Calvin,
It is Christmas day again and you are missed so much - by me and the rest of my family. Christmas will always be different because we enjoyed so many of the simple things of Christmas together. I know you are smiling down on us today as we remember you also. Merry Christmas Sweetie! Miss you and forever love you.

Denise

December 25, 2004

To the Calvin Taylor family:
May God be with all of you this Christmas season and in the New Year to come. I miss seeing Calvin on wreck scenes and in the ambulance room at the hospital. Merry Christmas to all of you.

Beverly Fisher
Haywood County Rescue Squad

December 23, 2004

Dearest Calvin,
Tomorrow will be Oct. 1 and I'm going out of town so I won't have access to the internet then. I wanted to let you know that I will spend most of my day Sunday Oct. 3 thinking about you and the wonderful years we shared. I try so hard not to think about how you were killed but on that day, it's difficult not to. People always want to tell you to think of other things (as I'm sure they did you at one time) but you just can't make your mind do that. So as everyday, I'll remember you on Sunday with love and wish that awful day 3 years ago never would have happened. Those who have doubted my true love & feelings for you don't have to live with the brokeness that I do...I would love to share it with them if they would like. I've learned from you and the past 4 years, don't judge a person unless you've walked in their shoes and I personally only know one person who has walked in my shoes. In a way, it doesn't seem like it's been 3 years without you but on the other hand it seems like an eternity. My heart still breaks for you and I'll never stop loving you. Thanks again for asking me to be your wife (sorry I let you down, but I never did stop loving you as you knew when you died). Give Whiskers & Elizabeth hugs for me.

My love to you always!

Denise

September 30, 2004

Good morning Sweetie,
I sure miss you. Eleven years ago this morning, we were getting ready for the best day of our lives....I was on top of the world. Unfortunately circumstances have changed so many things so the only thing I feel like smiling about this morning is knowing that I was loved by you & that I had 10 super years with you. There are days that my heart feels so heavy that I wished he would have taken me instead of you but I wouldn't trade the pain for never having been your wife...it was worth the pain of losing you. If only we were leaving on that plane for Portland, Maine tonight again. Thanks for everything.
Love you forever

Denise

September 25, 2004

My Dearest Calvin,
1 1/2 weeks ago I rode my motorcycle in the Calvin Taylor Toy Ride. It was an honor to do that because you spearheaded the first one & because it is done in memory of you. I have to tell you though, it's hard to ride when you are wiping tears from your face. Several times from Asheville to Maggie Valley I had to pull up my face shield and wipe my eyes but the hardest time was riding past where you were killed. I don't know if we really were going slower when we passed there or if it just seemed like it but it was so hard to try not to think of Oct. 3, 2001. It was a real pretty day & the sky was so blue...just like on that day. I love you & miss you so much. I was glad to see that your mother looked good & seemed to be doing pretty well. Oh...Alex was able to do the ride with us too...and he proudly wore his Calvin Taylor Toy Ride hat the following day in memory of his "Uncle Calvin". No matter what, you were still Mallory, Annie & Alex's uncle and they still talk about you with love & pride. There were several girls there from the Masonic Home for Children...I wish they could have known you...they would have loved you and enjoyed your funny stories. Thanks again for loving me.

Denise

September 21, 2004

Dearest Calvin,
Last night as I watched President Reagan's funeral on T.V. all I could think about was you. Mrs. Reagan kissed his casket and looked up with such a look of loneliness. I felt that same feeling for you (as I often still do) and couldn't stop thinking about seeing your casket those last few hours. I looked at the flag draping the casket and it might as well have been you in there all over again. I am trying to go on with my life (as you told me you would want me to if anything ever happened to you) but I still wish you were here. I can't change the mistakes of the past but I can still remember all the wonderful years we had together and the many things we shared (including the last time we talked less than 24 hours before you were killed). The only thing I would trade that conversation for would be to have you back in my life again. You were the one that completed me. Love you always!

P.S. Give Whiskers & Elizabeth a hug for me. I came across the book that you and them gave me for Mother's Day 2001. It was so nice to read what you had writte in the front of it....sorry I didn't make it there before you left this world.

Denise

June 12, 2004

Dear Calvin,
We are thinking of you today on Memorial Day, just as we do every day. Thanks for all you gave for others, while doing your job on that tragic day. We miss you and cherish all of the great memories! We laugh and remember all of those funny stories about you and your family, and pass them on to our Taylor and Tyson. We love you!

Barry and Janet Willis

May 31, 2004

MAY4, 2004

WHEN WE STAND BY THE RIVER
AND FEEL THE BREEZE
IT IS NOT THE WIND
IT IS THE TOUCH OF THE WINGS OF OUR ANGEL

WE WILL BE SITTING IN THE HOUSE
YOU WILL BE ON OUR MIND
IT IS NOT A DRAFT
IT IS THE TOUCH OF THE WINGS OF OUR ANGEL

EVERYWHERE WE GO, THAT IS FULL OF MEMORIES
THE BREEZE IS ALWAYS THERE
IT IS NOT THE WIND
IT IS THE TOUCH OF THE WINGS OF OUR ANGEL

TIME HAS NOT HEALED THE PAIN OR HURT. WE MISS YOU AS MUCH TODAY AS WE DID THE DAY YOU WERE TAKEN AWAY. OUR ONLY COMFORT IS FEELIN THE BEUTIFUL BREEZE WHICH WE KNOW IS THE EMBRACE OF THE WINGS OF OUR VERY SPECIAL ANGEL. HAPPY 44TH BIRTHDAY....NO ONE BUT GOD KNOWS HOW MUCH WE LOVED YOU.
MOM, DAD, PAT, CHUCK, DORINE AND FAMILIES

May 11, 2004

Happy Birthday Sweetie! Sure wish you were here so we could celebrate your 44th together. I'd love to have an ice cream cake for you again. Of course I know your celebration up there is wonderful. Miss you & love you forever.

Denise

May 4, 2004

Dear Calvin,
I was looking at the police officers memorial page while I was getting ready for my night time driving class for BLET. I remember the day you were running at the Canton Rec park when You grabbed me by the arm and said lets go son you can't get ready for the Highway Patrol just standing there. I just wanted to let you know that your inspiration has helped me decide that law enforcement is where I want to be. Thanks for being a friend. We miss you dearly.

Jason Hughes Firefighter/Policer Officer
Town of Canton

April 25, 2004

My Dear Calvin,
Momma, Daddy, Darryl, Mallory and I went to the National LEO Memorial this past weekend to honor your memory. They hadn't been able to go before now and were glad to finally get there. We shared some tears as well as many smiles as we talked about some of our memories of you. You are greatly missed by us & will always be a part of our family.
Love you always.

Denise

April 12, 2004

WELL , IT HAS TAKEN ME A WHILE TO WRITE THIS. BIRD DOG , I MISS YA SO BAD. I WENT TO RALEIGH THURSDAY, AND WHEN I WENT INTO CLASS ROOM #4 I SEEN YOURS, AND ANTHONY PICTURE. I COULD NOT HELP BUT SHED A TEAR. I STILL REMEBER YOU TELLING ME ABOUT THE PATROL AND WHEN I GOT ON HOW I NEED TO SLOW DOWN , AND RELAX. WELL I GUESS I AM STILL NOT LISTENING LIKE YOU!!!!! BROTHER , I MISS YOU EVERYDAY, AMD I STILL HOPE TO BE HALF THE TROOPER YOU WERE. YOU ARE MISSED , BUT I KNOW WHEN I AM ON THAT DARK "SLAB" WORKING , YOU ARE RIGHT THEIR BESIDE ME. GOD SPEED, LOVE YA BROTHER.

TROOPER JOHN ARROWOOD
NCSHP G/4

April 9, 2004

Dear Denise,
I do not know you personally, but I have been a friend of Heidi Cogdill's for a very long time. I have been on this web page several times to look at Anthony's reflections. I have noticed that you have left Heidi alot of words of encouragement. I just wanted to say "Thank You"!!! Although Heidi has a large support group around her every day, none of us truely know what she is going through, but you do, unfortunately for both of you! Although the circumstances are not what we all would have wanted, I am glad that you and Heidi have found each other. I know that she appreciates being able to talk to you! I have, at times, wanted Heidi to get out of Haywood County because of all of the things that have been said about their marriage. But, in a way, I am glad that she has stayed. Just to prove to those nay sayers that she is a survivor and she is a bigger person than they. No matter what, no one can take away the fact that Heidi was Anthony's wife and you were Calvin's wife. It is rather ironic how both of you know so much of what the other is dealing with. I hope and pray that God gives both of you strength every day to deal with the pain. I do not know much about your relationship with Calvin, only what I have read of your letters to him, but, if you loved him half as much as I know Heidi loved Anthony, then it is enough for 1000 lifetimes!! Thank you again for being a rock for Heidi and I wish you well and God Bless.

Amy Dayton
Friend of Heidi Cogdill-Wife of Anthony Cogdill (G-533)

Amy Dayton

April 8, 2004

Sunday was another tragic day in the law enforcement community. It is hard having to deal with another death of a friend when we haven't gotten over your and Anthony's.

I found this poem on another Officer Down page and thought it fit you perfectly. There are a lot of people who love you dearly and miss you terribly.

A Million Times

A million times we've needed you,
A million times we've cried.
If love alone could've saved you,
You never would have died.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.

In our hearts you hold a place,
No one else will ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone.
Part of us went with you,

The day God took you home.

Marti Ingle (EMT-Paramedic)
Haywood Co EMS (NC)

April 7, 2004

Dear Denise, I just wanted you to know that you remain in my thoughts and prayers. Calvin has not been forgotten, nor have you. I know you have had a very difficult time dealing with Calvin's death, but there are prayers going out for you every day.

I was living in Alaska when Calvin was killed (I was born and raised in Waynesville). I was devastated when my mother called to tell me of his death. I was thankful that I didn't have to respond to the scene, but I hated not being able to attend his service. I heard so much about it.

I had moved back to Haywood County before Anthony was killed. The service was an amazing sight (but one I wish I never had to see). I found myself grieving for Calvin all over again at the same time I was grieving for Anthony.

With the pain I feel at the loss of Calvin and Anthony, I cannot truly imagine the pain that you and Heidi feel. I read the reflections that you write. I can tell how much you loved Calvin. You were truly blessed to be married to such a wonderful man. Remember the great times you had together and don't (try not to) worry about the things that other people say. They don't know the happenings of your life (although they may be quick to speak about it). You, Calvin and God are the only ones that know and the only ones that truly matter. Keep the faith.

God Bless You!

Marti Ingle (EMT-Paramedic)
Haywood Co EMS

March 31, 2004

Hi Sweetie,
The trial for the man who killed Anthony is going on this week. I do wish you could be around to show Heidi some compassion....I'm sure things have been similar for her as me. It seems that after the time that has passed there are still people out there who insist on taking cheap shots at me. No matter what is said, no one can take away the years we shared together, that last night we spent together in May, the things we shared the last 2 days of your life, nor the love we continued to have for each other. If folks followed your example and were not so judgmental, life would be so much better. But I guess when you are as "perfect" as some of them are, it's hard to understand that people can have problems between them but still love each other at the same time. I was your wife for 7 years and your lover for longer than that so I think I'm qualified to know what made you happy and that you had been happy many other times in your life (not at the end "finally" as someone had said). I know there were several people who had made you happy and I'm proud to say I was one of them and you had made me your wife. Like Carol told me at your funeral....people just don't understand, I didn't quit loving you. You were the best and there will never be another like the wonderful man I was married to - Calvin Taylor.

Loving you forever

Denise

March 11, 2004

I love you sweetie! I pray everyday that you & God have both forgiven me for not staying there and working through things. I've learned a lot over the past 4 years and one of those things is that I have a bad way of trying to deal with things...that is running from them. Thanks for never giving up on us and know that if I could do it all over again, I would stay and do whatever we had to figure things out. I guess you know by now that Elizabeth had to be put to sleep...I hope you are being smothered with sloppy kisses from her and Whiskers both. I'm kind of glad I wasn't the one who had to do that. I'll never forget how she used to like to run around the yard with you. I love the picture I took of you and her sitting on the front steps of our house....I had it enlarged. I try to keep "dancing that dance" for you because I know you wanted me to but some days it's really difficult. I really wish I lived closer to my family now - it would help me on those bad days. Anyway, just know that you are still loved by me and my heart will always break for you.

Denise

February 28, 2004

Dear Denise,
I have just recently finally been able to visit this website. As I have read over your reflections my heart just is broken. It is broken for many reasons. First, I know the pain you have felt. I never thought I would ever have to experience such tragedy in my life but we dont always hold the cards in our hands. Second, my heart breaks because I never reached out to you in your time of greiving. I am saddened to say I am so sorry. I didnt know you at the time and I guess I just asumed that you had plenty of people on holding you up. I am truly sorry that I wasnt one of those people. It is so weird how close our circumstances have been. And I dont understand how people actually can think that we arent supposed to be hurting in evryway possible. There are days that I dont want to get out of bed. Other days that I dont want to leave the house. But thank God I was blessed with Cody and because of him I have had to be strong. I know that you loved Calvin just as I worshipped Anthony. I have decided that I dont care what others say because I know how my heart has felt over the past 9 months and I know how much I loved Anthony. I pary for you daily and I want you to know that I care. I want o thank you for your support over the past few months. The flowers you sent, the card I received and then the encouragement through this memorial page. May you lean on our heavenly father daily for your strength and guidance and remember that without HIm we are nothing but with Him we are everything. Thank you again. If you ever need me please call.
In His Hands,
Heidi

Heidi
Survivor of Anthony Cogdill

February 16, 2004

Calvin,

Barry and I talk about you every day. Your family is so precious to us. We were so blessed to be a part of your life and for our "Taylor" to be a part of yours. She is 11 now and almost a teenager. She is full of life and spirit! You would have loved watching her play softball and basketball. Tyson was so little when you were called home, but we show him your pictures and talk about you with him too. We know you were happy in your life, just the way it was, when you left this world. That is all we ever wanted for you, to finally be happy! Your family is always in our prayers!

Janet

Janet Willis

January 30, 2004

This is the first time I have been to this page and it has brought me to tears. I feel so badly for Denise and for so many other people who have lost their loved ones. My fiance and I have talked about this profession and know that there are dangers and that on any given day I could be permanantly injured or killed. We have both decided to continue as LEO's and for one main reason......to put the people who kill and commit crimes behind bars and make lives better. My sympathy goes out to all who have lost someone important to them. I love you all.

Steven Poole
Future Davidson County Sheriff Deputy

January 21, 2004

Trooper Taylor,,,,your service to the NCSHP will never be forgotten,,may you rest in peace sir and God Bless your family and the Patrol.

Josh Legan
NCSHP
Student Trooper Graduate 2003

Explorer Deputy J. Legan
Onslow County Sheriff's Dept.

January 12, 2004

Dearest Calvin,
It's Christmas again...the third one without you. I still can't believe that I'll never see you again on this earth. My heart is just as broken today as it was two years ago. I'm so thankful that we had that last Christmas together. When I put up my Christmas tree, I think of all the places we were together when we got many of the ornaments and it makes me smile inside to know we had that time together. I know you are spending you third Christmas in Heaven with Jesus but I sure wish you could come back and visit just once. I'd hug you so hard you almost couldn't breathe like you used to do me. I miss you strong arms around me and your calming voice telling me that everything would be okay and that you still love me. Miss you and love you like no other.

Merry Christmas Sweetie Pie

Denise

December 24, 2003

Calvin,
If you were still on this earth, you would be getting this card from me. Instead, I know that you heard me read it to you.

I wish I could go back in time...
back to those unspoiled moments in our relationship before hurt ever touched our hearts,
before doubt ever entered our minds.
Because if I could go back and start from those moments once more, I would hold you longer, never miss a chance to tell you how much you mean to me...and I would never, ever hurt you.
But I know we can't go back to those days.
I know I can't erase the mistakes.
I can't take away the questions you must have or the hurt we both feel.
But I can assure you of one thing...I love you - as I did then and as I always will.

Sorry tomorrow never came!

Denise

October 11, 2003

Remembering you on the anniversary of your death. May God comfort
all those who are still grieving your passing. Life is difficult at times and
the Lord Jesus wants to help carry our burdens. He gives us many
beautiful promises in His Word to help us through our valleys. I pray you
will feel His presence and know His peace. God bless!

Lynn Kole
Washington State

October 10, 2003