Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Thinking of you and your family today, the fourteenth anniversary of your death. I am holding your family in my heart's embrace. Thanks to your family and friends for sharing their memories and devotion to you through their reflections, especially Laura and your princess daughter.

Phyllis Loya
Mom of fallen California Officer Larry Lasater, Pittsburg PD, eow 4/24/05

April 26, 2012

rest in peace and may god bless you.

Lt. J Pease
B.P.D.

April 25, 2012

04/25/98 – 04/25/2012 14 years...wow that's just crazy. I cannot believe you've been gone 14 years now. I guess to many people my grieving days are long gone, but they’re not. I’m remarried to a wonderful man that allows me to grieve when I need to and keep you in my heart forever. He attends police week with me and holds me as I stand by your panel, looking at your engraved name and reflecting on the life we once lived. I have two beautiful children, whom I love more than life itself. I have supportive friends and family, my PD family, and a loving God I serve. So on the outside…yes, I’m doing fine! But on the inside…somewhere deep down I’m still that grieving young widow that got the news so long ago that the man she loved would never return home again. I have learned a lot since that day. I realize sometimes dreams do shatter, but I have also come to know that God is always there to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild your shattered life. There will always be a missing piece, a scar, an imperfect part…but that’s just who I am now. So even though I have “moved on”, you’re still a part of me. I remember our good times and I’ve learn to let the “why did this have to happen?” questions go for now. I don’t have to understand. I just have to rely on the one who does understand and he gives me strength to face days like today and the unknown tomorrows. RIP Allen. You will be loved and missed forever.
Grief~
You don't get over it, you just get through it.
Your don't get by it, because you can't get around it.
It doesn't 'get better'; it just gets different.
Everyday... Grief puts on a new face....

Laura

April 24, 2012

We had a LODD in the next town from me yesterday. I know you greeted Ofc. Crouse yesterday but he has a big family, including five children that misses him terribly. Please send strength down to us and watch over us from above. This is bringing up my own nightmare as well as other survivors (got a call from one last night) so we could really use some strength so I can be there for this widow and family and let them know I've walked in their shoes and I can help them trudge through this horrific nightmare that has somehow become their reality. I love and miss you all, our fallen heroes.

Laura
wife

December 9, 2011

Just got back from DC for police memorial week, which was a very surreal, emotional experience as always. I loved seeing my extended COPS family and meeting new friends. Im already planning next years trip!

I sat there Saturday night looking at your name on the wall. It was very late so it was quiet and peaceful and the moonlight seemed to dance across Panel 26. I couldnt help thinking about how far Ive come in 13 years. Instead of sitting there crying my eyes out, I smiled.NOT because you were gone, but because you lived and because of how far I have come since your death. I used to go police week to get help, now I go to help others. Thats when you know youre truly healing. Thats when you KNOW you have stopped being a victim and have become a survivor.

Thanks for all the strength you have sent down to me over the years. I know I am making you proud, because I am proud of myself. I am proud that I have fought to keep going and with Gods help, I have succeeded. God knows Ive felt like giving up so many times, but I never did. My experiences have only made me more determined to live my life to the fullest. I now live one day at a time, and enjoy every moment as if it were my last. I treasure life and everyone in it. This is the way life was meant to be lived!

Laura

May 16, 2011

Happy Birthday, Allen! You would have been 39 today. I hope you have a wonderful day of celebration in Heaven as I'm sure you do everyday. You are loved and missed by many.

It's almost time for police week again so I will be heading to DC soon. I can't wait to see all of my extended family that I have met through the years in COPS. Love them so much and sincerely appreciate their continued support. It's amazing how close you can get to "total strangers" when those strangers have the same fears, emotions, and grief as you do. It's an amazing bond that no one would ever understand. I know you're proud of us all for making sure no survivor ever stands in front of that wall facing the engraved named of their fallen officer alone. We will be there.

Laura

May 4, 2011

15 years ago today I became a bride, only to become a widow two very short years later. This year I'm not going to dwell on how traumatic it was to pick out a casket on our 2nd wedding anniversary, instead I'm going to focus on how happy we were on that beautiful Saturday when we said "I do". Little did we know our time would be cut so short. Thinking of you and wishing you a Happy Anniversary in Heaven.

Here was our wedding song...

Our love is unconditional, we knew it from the start.
I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from my heart.
From here on after let's stay the way we are right now,
And share all the love and laughter
That a lifetime will allow.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,
And as long as there's a breath in me, I'll make yours just as sweet.
As we look into the future, it's as far as we can see,
So let's make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.

I cross my heart and promise to
Give all I've got to give to make all your dreams come true.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine.

And if along the way we find a day it starts to storm,
You've got the promise of my love to keep you warm.
In all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine,
A love as true as mine.

Laura

April 27, 2011

04/26/98 – I sat on my parents’ sofa and watched as the sun came up. I was unable to sleep at all. Grief had brought me to a place I had never known before, the place of utter despair. I found myself in a place of hopelessness, the feeling that someone had reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I just couldn’t understand why the sun rose like any other day. This was NO ordinary day! Then I started hearing cars pass by. Where were those people going? Were they going to church since it was Sunday, or work perhaps? HOW COULD THEY? Did they not know Allen had been killed? That’s when all the innocence in my very young mind was sucked out of me and I realized that although my heart was broken into a million pieces this world would keep spinning around and I would have to go through the motions of the next few days because the world wouldn’t stop for my broken heart.

As I sit here at my desk at work looking at your flag, I am happy that its home is in a police station. That’s where you would want it to be. As I look at the beautiful folded flag, I am reminded that it once draped your casket. I remember the folding of the flag and the chief kneeling down and presenting it. I held on to that flag with all I had, for that’s all I had left of you. As I look at your badge, dog tags, pictures, patches, your name as it appears on the police wall in DC, the candle I have lit in your memory, the beautiful replica of the DC police monument with your name engraved, I realize this is all that is left. These few items and all the memories I have tucked inside my heart. Thirteen years later, the world is still spinning around. Life does go on, but that doesn’t mean we have forgotten. We will never forget the sacrifice you made on that beautiful Saturday morning. Thank you, Allen. We love and miss you.

Laura

April 26, 2011

13 years today. Gone but never forgotten, Heroes Live Forever!

Officer Hayes
Nephew

April 25, 2011

04/25/98 13 years ago today my world changed forever. Maybe I will be stronger and able to write more tomorrow. All I can write today is you will never be forgotten. I love and miss you...

Laura

April 25, 2011

Happy Easter! I'm sure you're rejoicing in Heaven today! I can't imagine what it's like up there but I know I will see it one day! Tomorrow is the big day. 4-25-98 13 years ago tomorrow you were taken from us. Send me strength so I can carry on yet another day without you.

Laura

April 24, 2011

Can't sleep, having a rough time. I miss u. Will I ever understand why this happened? Just reading letters and notes you gave me and looking at all of our pictures tonight. Wish I could post them here. Anyway, send some strength down please. Next few weeks are always so hard for me. Even after 13 years the pain is still right there and the love has only deepened. We will never forget u, Allen b/c as long as you live in our hearts you will never really die.

Laura

April 16, 2011

Having grown up as a child in Waverly, VA from 1973 to 1977, I was particularly struck by the news of Officer Gibson's death. As I read the reflections left by his family and friends I could not help but be overcome by emotion. I'm 44 years old now and haven't cried for a long time, until today. Though I did not know Officer Gibson personally, I thank him so much for his service to our community. I am deeply humbled by the ultimate sacrifice he gave.

CHARLES MAYES
FORMER WAVERLY, VA RESIDENT

April 14, 2011

Well u welcomed 2 more officers home a couple days ago as we lost 2 more here in Virginia. LOD deaths bring up so much pain for me and memories I try to keep tucked away but are unable to at difficult times like these. I can't help but sit here tonight and pray for all those families, friends, and coworkers left behind not to mention the other 2 still fighting for their lives. I just don't understand why cowardly acts such as this continue to occur. I mean if the guy wanted to die why couldn't he have just taken his own life and not shoot 4 men just doing their job?! And then to read some of the comments those backwood rednecks wrote about how "the cops probably asked for it" made me want to throw up! They have no idea what LEOs sacrifice everyday. Anyway, I know you're keeping them company now just send some strength down this way for those of us left to carry on w/out our heroes. :(

Laura

March 16, 2011

Merry Christmas!! I can't believe our last Christmas together was 13 years ago, that just seems unreal. I can't imagine the celebration going on in Heaven, especially at Christmas. Well one thing is for sure you may be gone, but you will never be forgotten!

Laura

December 25, 2010

just got back from Surviving Spouses Getaway in MO and had a blast! I love being with other widows and being able to help them and also get help myself. COPS is such a wonderful organization that helps those of us left behind learn to rebuild our shattered life. I'm already planning another mini spouses getaway to California in the spring. Love my girls and can't wait to see them again. I know we make u all proud up there looking down on us.

Laura
spouse

September 22, 2010

I did not know this page exsisted until the other day and could not resist reading all the reflections. Looking at your picture brings back such memories both happy and sad. I can not believe it has been 12 years since you left an empty place in so many lives. You were such a very loving person. I still to this day do not understand why all the good ones are taken, but I guess God takes the best! Your love and tenderness will always be cherished! You have made an impact in so many lives.

Anonymous

September 13, 2010

Rough couple days...could use some strength sent my way. Had another funeral dream. Those always shake me for days. Thank GOD I have all my survivor COPS friends who I love dearly. I'm getting ready to go to spouses weekend in St. Louis so I can see them. That is always so healing!

Laura

September 4, 2010

I found something of yours the other day that I thought was gone forever. I'm so happy!! It's funny how timing is always perfect. :)

Laura

August 6, 2010

I'm so sad. we lost 2 tampa fl ofcs yesterday and i'm sad for their families, i'm sad for all the survivors i know and i'm sad for me. sad we know this pain. the pain that will never end. it's always here allen. it has never left. sometimes when i think i'm strong BAM it hits me all over again, especially when i hear another officer has been killed. i relive my own pain. those first hours. screaming, begging God not to take you when i knew in my heart you were alreay gone. i remember when they told me you had been shot i ran toward the door to come to you, they held me, they told me you were already dead. i fell to the floor and just screamed. screamed...screamed for you. screamed no. prayed to God it was a nightmare and i'd wake up. i needed you. u left me. i didn't understand. how could this have happened. just more than one person can comprehend. my heart is breaking. please send strength to me. i need it. love you

Laura

June 30, 2010

Just got back from DC for National Police Week. Bo went with me this year. He's such a good officer. I'm so proud of him!! We really enjoyed visiting the wall and leaving you some things. I loved seeing all the survivors I've known for so many years and new ones I've met recently. There is a strong bond between us I have never felt before. Anyway, hope we made you proud! Love & miss you!!

Laura

May 19, 2010

Happy Cinco de Mayo! I had Mexican for you today (yesterday too!) I remember how u used to love to go eat Mexican. Anyway, today is better hopefully I will get stronger ever day. It's been a rough couple weeks. :( oh by the way, did u like your birthday balloons? Hope they made it to you okay and the note was still attached. Miss and love u!

Laura

May 5, 2010

Happy Birthday to YOU! Happy Birthday to YOU! Happy Birthday to my Angel Allen....Happy 38th Birthday to YOU!!!! I know you are celebrating your birthday in Heaven today. Just know we love and miss you everyday. I have a candle lit in your memory at the police department (along with your pics, flag, etc.) and I will send your balloons up to you later today so be looking for them. :)

Laura

May 4, 2010

Know that you aren't forgotten and I still think about you often. The memories we shared will never be forgotten. It's hard to believe it's been 12 years since your death, and I'll never forget that day. It's assuring to know that when I strap on that vest and place the badge upon my chest you are with me to help keep me safe.
The "Swat Pup"

Bo

April 26, 2010

We dedicated our shift to you on the 12th anniversary of your passing. R.I.P. brother, we have the watch.

LEO
RPD

April 25, 2010