Family, Friends & Fellow Officers Remember...

Investigator Brandon Heath Thacker

Kentucky Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control, Kentucky

End of Watch Thursday, April 16, 1998

Leave a Reflection

Reflections for Investigator Brandon Heath Thacker

As the holidays creep closer and closer, I cannot help but wish you were here to cook up those amazing apple dumplings. Just wish you were here to sing those Christmas carols. I find, (since I've suddenly realized that Thanksgiving and Christmas are just around the corner), that I am more aware how another year will turn soon which means another year of life without you. Katherine has grown and changed. She's so independent and while that's wonderful, I still wish I had YOU here to help me raise her. She NEEDS you. I just wish that life could be fair....that those who play by the rules could win... because that would be US. We played by all the rules...lived honestly and earnestly..you were the more honest and play by the rules person I've ever known....it's hard to explain to our daughter, who just turned 8, WHY...WHY...WHY. I don't even know WHY. I find myself remembering and thinking of you more often and more thoughtfully as the holidays approach. I remember you every day; however, during these times of school Christams programs and holiday parties, your absence speaks louder. I am missing you deeply and always forever loving you and all that you were.
I hope that I can demonstrate one half of the character and values that you always did. You were the truest person I've ever known. I'm so blessed that you shared yourself with me. Still wish I had more of you.....

November 15, 2004

Brandon,

You were on my mind today. I think of you often. Take care my friend.

Shon

MAJ Shon Adams
Military Police Corps

November 5, 2004

Katherine is now in the second grade. I can remember a time I couldn't imagine living to see this day. Living without you in this world just seemed too much to bear. Yet, with God's grace, here I am sitting in carpool, driving Katherine to girl scouts and gymnastics, etc. You'd be so happy, next month she'll start Tae Kwon Do with Master Choi. You always wanted that and I'm sure you've been wondering when I was going to get her in it. I can't believe how many qualities she has from you. From leaving the pretend, but really hairy, tarantula on my pillow, to being sensitive about what her teacher said to her. She's funny, she's sensitive. Yet she is still really sad....she tells me so often that she wishes you were alive. I remind her that she still wouldn't get away with her typical 7 year old antics....yet I know she would love to hear you correct her....and love to hear YOU say, "I love you, Sugar Bear". We both miss you. We both imagine what life would be like if you had been coming home for the last 6+ years. Cannot believe that it has been this long. Cannot believe that I'm coming up on what would have been our 10 year wedding anniversary. Holding on to the promise that we will all be reunited....and loving you always.

September 15, 2004

Brandon,
Just letting you know that I'm thinking about you.

Special Agent D. Louis Mitchell
FBI Miami Div. Palm Beach County RA

August 29, 2004

Your baby misses you. Sometimes she can put it onto words, other times she is just sad and angry and I know deep down it stems from not having you here. It's unforgivable that she has to grow up without you. It's just not right. I can come to terms with many aspects of our life now, but I will never come to terms with your baby having to grow up in this world with you in Heaven. You are missed more than you could imagine.

July 27, 2004

Just today, Katherine exhibited so much of you.....first it was, "Mommy, look I can make myself cry." Will she win an Oscar someday?
Then it was, Why did the chicken cross the road...Why did the turkey cross the road? ...". Will she be applauded as a comedian someday?
And then it was her beautiful voice...she loves to sing. I don't know if she got the love from you or me, I'm not sure where she got the gift, but when she belts out a tune, I can't help but remember you belting out the National Anthem, or some John Mellencamp song that you loved. Will she be on stage someday? She holds a tune so well.
I wonder, often, what your face would look like when she sings....or when she tells a joke or pulls one of her stunts. She's always trying to trick me or startle me. Just a regular comedian like you were. I wonder what you would be teaching her....would the two of you be planning a trick on me? I can almost hear you laugh....Oh, I miss your laughter....but I hear you laughing when she gets me....
Katherine said tonight at bedtime, "I bet in Heaven there is lots of laughing. I bet we laugh all the time. And love. We laugh and we love"
I think she's right and I know you're HOME wherever there is laughter and love. I can't help but wish you were at this home, where we love all the time and we laugh.....thanks to your sugar bear, we are able to laugh. Not like when you were here, but we still laugh. I miss laughing and dancing with you. I've never laughed the way I laughed with you. You're one of a kind. Irreplaceable. I'll always miss you and always, always love you. I'm grateful and so thankful that you loved me. Thank you for giving me the gift of your love and the gift of being the mother to your precious child. I'm so blessed to have loved you and to have been loved by you. I look forward to our reunion. I love you, Bran!!!

June 30, 2004

I had never been to this site before, but when I found it I began browsing the Ky Officers that had been killed. I knew of Brandon through a friend, and when I read the reflections I could do nothing but cry for you and your family, so maybe you won't have to today. GOD BLESS YOU

SGT

June 28, 2004

Wow.I can't believe how long it has been. I remeber reading about this in our local newspaper, and saying to myself, "I wonder if Brandon worked with this officer, until I got to the name in the article. I sat numb in our office in disbelief. "This couldn't happen to Brandon" I said to myself. I went to the academy with Brandon. He would amuse us with his "Tap dancing." When I read about what happened to Brandon, it was like someone tore a huge hole in my heart. Although we only knew each other for 10 weeks, we made a committment to each other as a class that know matter what happened to any of us, we would NEVER forget. Mrs. Thacker I have sat at my computer and read every entry on Brandon's page. I am so sorry for what happened not only to Brandon, but for what your entire family goes through everyday. I think of Brandon often, and always remember how funny he was. The tap dancing was a riot, the spanish accent, "you name it." I hope that evrything is good with your family. I actually have a video tape of Brandon tap dancing that I took while we were in the academy. If you would like a copy of it, please feel free to call me at our office. Once again, I pray for you and your family to have peace. When the days on earth are over, everyone will face the judgement for what they have done here on earth. I would love to be the deciding vote on that jury. I know Brandon is very proud of you and your daughter. He spoke of you often while we were in the academy. If you want a copy of this tape please let me know. 606-739-5135. Watch over us all Brandon, we miss you.

Sgt Rod Williamson
Boyd COunty Sheriff Dept

June 13, 2004

I WISH YOU WERE HERE TO NOW. I NEED A GOOD "MAKE MY BELLY ACHE" LAUGH. I NEED TO FEEL THE SAFETY I FELT WHEN I KNEW YOU WERE NEAR. GOODNESS KNOWS I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YOU, SO MUCH I WANT TO DISCUSS WITH YOU. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND WHAT YOU'RE OPINION IS. I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD MISS SOMEONE SO MUCH FOR SO LONG. BUT I SURE DO MISS YOU. I ALWAYS WILL. ALWAYS.

June 12, 2004

Katherine's been making up knock knock jokes, wanting to make me laugh just like you did. I remember the first time I met you, you were telling jokes to me and Jackie and Alan. I told Jackie that I had never laughed so hard. And then you got my phone number and called me and I continued to laugh at you and with you for many more years. It was such a gift to know you and love you and laugh with you.
Remember that last New Years at William and Teri's? One of Teri's friends asked me, "How do you live with him? He is so funny. You must laugh all the time."
I miss laughing. I have never laughed the same. I miss you and I love you.

May 29, 2004

You were on my mind today. Just wanted to let you know you are not forgotten.

Maj Adams
Military Police Corps

May 10, 2004

Good friends are hard to find,harder to leave and impossible to forget,

Anonymous

April 23, 2004

Life's daily battles and struggles seem so trivial in the light of losing loved ones. Fate and circumstances only allowed Brandy, (Jennifer) and I to connect once as "adults" (my brother Perry's wedding in Ohio...June 1995 or 6), but I remember a little guy who loved to team up with his older teen cousin in many a whiffle ball game against his two older brothers. We always whuped up on Sammy and David Aaron (atleast that's how I remember it!) So proud of the man that Brandon became and also of the men that his brothers are today. Thank you.

Wendell


Cousin Wendell Thacker

April 19, 2004

My prayers are with you and your family. May the Lord bless you and keep you for all eternity.

Investigative Aide from Mt. Sterling, KY
Kentucky ABC

April 17, 2004

What a handsome young man! What a loss for his wonderful family! With gratitude to Brandon and to all our law enforcement men and women who risk their lives each day to protect us. God's blessings on you all.

Marolyn Dowdy

April 16, 2004

I had ONE person call me today to let me know you were remembered on this date. April 16th, that last day you were alive, the last day you lived. This date has been swarming me like bees, I run to the park, to the mall, and it is still all around me. I guess I'm supposed to be over it, maybe that's why no one called. Or the old stand by....no one knows what to say. That's suppose to make me feel better. I know what to say........ I just wish someone would say "I remember. I remember Brandon. I know how horrible it is that he is not here with us. I know what today is." Heather did remember, amazingly enough, with all she's going through right now, she remembered you and she called me to let me know. That made my whole day a little brighter!
I've decided the sixth year SUCKS. You'd think that I could sit here on this day and not cry like a baby, but the truth is, I feel so sick inside, just like I did six years ago. The truth is I still miss you so much and I'd give just about anything if I could go back six years and one day ago and change something to make today different, to make it so that today, YOU would have tucked Katherine into bed and kissed your sugar bear goodnight. I miss you, Bran......I just miss you to my core!

April 16, 2004

I can't believe it has been 6 years! I know that you are keeping an eye on all of us. You are still greatly missed!

Jennifer Wilson

April 14, 2004

Coming up on...WOW.....6 years, since I last got to hear you laugh.
It seems like just last week that I was mad at you for not telling me sooner that you had to go to western Kentucky for 3 days to work.....But you promised you would come home on Friday night instead of Saturday, so that we could have the whole weekend together. You never came home.
I'm sorry that I wasted time feeling angry because you had to work. I just always wanted you home.....not just to taste your cooking, although that was important, (everyone thought we would starve, but I learned to cook!) but mostly because I just loved hearing you talk, learning your perspective on things, listening to your crazy made up songs, watching Katherine wrap you tighter around her pinky, and feeling safe knowing you were near.
Six years seems like six days in many ways. Sure our life has changed, but the missing you hasn't changed one bit. The wishing you would walk through that door is still present.
Katherine is more and more like you each day. At the age of 7, she can out talk me. Just like you, she is so quick with words and I'm often left speechless. She'd make a great prosecutor! But she wants to be a zoo keeper and a vet. She has your gift for words and my love for nature. Your silliness yet my seriousness, Your sense of right and wrong and my sense of "nobody's perfect", your sensitivity and my moodiness. And I know you thought when she was an infant that she looked just like you, except her feet (9 months and 14 hours of labor and all I get credit for is her feet!)....well, she has your toes! No doubt about it....she can use them like fingers!
It's amazing to see her growing with so much of you in her. I love it! I really do. I hope you see us and that you are proud. I hope that the decisions I have made please you and that you are proud of the life I built for Katherine and for me. I miss you and that never changes.

April 6, 2004

Brandon,
It's almost time for March Madness. I remember how crazy you are about the Wildcats and the endless animated discussions we had during every season. I still laugh thinking about how serious you are about the Wildacats. Keep your eyes on us down here.
Your Friend,
Louis

Special Agent
FBI Miami Division/Palm Beach RA

February 27, 2004

Did you see the note Katherine left for you the other night? It said, "I love you. PS I hope you're haveing fun up there. I'm sad that you are ded. From Katherine. "
She has been thinking of you so much lately. Every single day, she's talking of you and she has told me several times, "If Brandon hadn't died......we would be a family." She shouldn't have to live in a world like this where she is forced to understand the most difficult. I don't even understand it. She is forced to cope with a void that she should not know. She is forced to live a life that she shouldn't be living. She should have her mommy and her daddy loving her. She should feel safe when she goes to sleep at night. She should wish for that cool new toy, not for her daddy to come back home. She told me that the other night she had the best dream. "I dreamt that I went into mommy's room and someone who died was alive and sleeping in mommy's bed" she said.
That monster who decided to play GOD that wicked day will always be a monster to me.
I miss you.

January 17, 2004

Merry Christmas, my dear. I pray that you are looking down on us alongside Jesus as we celebrated His birth today. Naturally, Katherine received too many presents and I don't even know where we have room for them, but she was joyful and thankful today. Last night, during our Christmas Eve dinner with your parents, Katherine lit a candle in memory of you. She felt like such a big girl to light the candle. As we were going into the living room to open presents, I suggested to her that she blow the candle out. Wouldn't you know, she blew and she blew and that flame flickered and danced, but it did not go out. She looked at me with a smile and said, "It doesn't want to go" So I suggested that we bring the candle into the living room with us. She loved the idea. She sat it on the table next to where she sat. Finally, after opening many gifts, she never forgot the candle and she said, "Mom, it's time to blow the candle out." She said, "Goodbye" and she blew once and the flame went out. As the smoke rose into the air, she waved to it, "Goodbye", she said. It was almost as if you were here, not wanting to leave until the last gift was opened. Not wanting to miss out.
Missing your apple dumplings. Haven't had one since our last Christmas together. I can't imagine one could taste so sweet.
Allison and I sat together tonight and talked about how you were the funniest person we've ever known. Your humor was so original and fun and I told Allison that I miss laughing the way I laughed with you. I'm sorry Katherine will never get to enjoy how funny you were. Of course, now, she would just think you were a nerd, but she would appreciate it one day. I wish she could. I wish she had the chance. I wish she could feel embarrased of you for acting silly.
She has your lips. She has your quick wit. She has your talent for singing (My family thinks she gets it from our side). She has (I know you can't believe it) YOUR toes. She has your sensitivity and your generous nature. She gave half of her birthday money to the "destitute", as she says. It was all her idea. She didn't want to buy anything for herself. The other half went into a new bank account. She loves you and she prays for you. Do you hear her? Do you see her? She misses you. Do you miss her? Or do you not have to? I tell her you're right in her heart, right next to her. Are you?
I wish that it would not hurt so bad to not have you here. I wish there would never be that knot in my gut , that lump in my throat, that peirce in my heart, that tear on my cheek. I wish it could all be gone for me and for Katherine. The pain, the emptiness, the longing. Over 5&1/2 years and I wonder why the pain seems to grow and spread. It's tolerable at times. It's everywhere I look, at times. It's on Katherine's face, it's in my heart, it's in Duke's walk. You'r beloved dog misses you. It's always there. It always will be. This Christmas, I'm thankful for the gift of Christ and for our salvation. I'm also sorrowful for having to live without you. You are always loved and missed, and for some reason, I think writing it, will make certian that you know. Loving you always!!!

December 25, 2003

Merry Christmas Brandon.

Special Agent
FBI

December 23, 2003

As our baby turns seven years old today, I am remembering her birth. How you wouldn't leave me while I was in labor, how you supported and held me through that night, how you cut the umbilical cord to welcome Katherine in our world, how we cried with joy when we heard her cry, and how you caught the medical staff off guard when you said, "She's a Thacker, she has eleven toes!"
Today is a sad day for me, I just miss you so much.

October 23, 2003

miss you................

October 15, 2003

Awesome sunset tonight. I pointed it out to Katherine and she sounded breathless as she said, "WOW". I said, "Maybe Daddy painted this one for you tonight." She looked back at me with such happy eyes and a big grin, and replied, "It's my favorite color."

Last week, she heard me on the phone saying an officer was killed. Soon after, I heard her crying in her room. I thought she hurt herself and I raced upstairs to find that she was not physically hurt, but crying. She yelled, "I heard that another police officer died." That was all she could say, but her reaction said so much more. What could I say or do? I just sat on the floor while she cried in my arms. And I cried. We hurt deeply since you've gone. Sometimes it doesn't show, other times we can't hide it. We will always hurt for you.

Keep painting those sunsets and sunrises, so I can see that glow in Katherine's eyes, the same glow I used to see in yours.

October 5, 2003

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