Police Officer Jermaine Thomas Brown

My Protector, My Rock...

James 4:2
"You have not because you ask not". AMEN

I've learned that everyone grieves differently. I've learned that my current tears and pain is OK. AMEN !

Listen Mr. Brown (in my authoritative voice). I'm sure your laughing because you always thought it was cute butthead.

It's going on 6 years and I'm doing ok. Its not easy, but I'm doing my best to cope.

I don't care what anyone says.... but a young boy needs his father (or father figure) and a young girl needs her mother (or a mother figure). I soooooo suck at this.

Now, I'm just praying that our son does well in life and no one takes advantage of him.

You were strong and talented. You did so well with JUSTICE and you were teaching him your talents. I always told you that GOD gifted you and....how anointed you were.
But with those gifts and spiritual light, darkness would always try to dim it.

.... but now.... our son is left with me. I'm strong, but can't teach him "bull-shiz-ni-eee".

I try to teach him healthy eating, but like you, NOW he barely ask "what's for dinner". I ask if he wants to go for a run and he always has something to do or his feet hurts. Again, DNA is strong.

We fight/disagree almost everyday because he wants to go be a young man and play, hang out, ride.. (yes, I allow him). He just wants be a boy and do boy things.
... he's now a 17 year old.. but I don't trust anyone, and he's the only thing I have left in my life so I smother him. Yes Babe.... he's 17. He was 11 when you transitioned. A freaking baby...

Ask GOD to help him, guide, him, and protect him. Heck, you have one-on-one contact with GOD now. LOL

Everyone who knew you, knew how strong and knowledgeable you were. Especially boats, dog training, Motorcycles, diving, (etc). The list is long and as everyone said... not the NORM for a black male. You never kept your talents to yourself. You were a blessing to others. We hear it often.

Fighting my fears, YES, as you can see, I let your son ride. It's really in the DNA. This kid is you allll day. He's amazing. Now I'm praying someone (a male mentor, GOD fearing, and TRUSTING) will pick up where you left off and teach him boating, fishing, "manly" things, etc. You know darn well, im not touching bait. YUCK !
I can't relying on YouTube for everything...LOL

One thing I know you're proud of...I took him to a Dolphins game recently and he was really in to it. SHOCKER !!!

He hasn't wanted to touch/see anything dealing with sports since your transition.

To me, that's a win !!! .... I'll try to go to more games but the Dolphins and there unnecessary losses... runs my blood pressure up as you know. It's also hot as heck. Geesh..

Babe, I still have my struggles because I can't except what happened. I'm always looking for closure. What happened does not make since. I was told that it will always be difficult because your transition to Heaven was sudden, without knowledge. "Freak accident"
I just feel something more. GOD knows.

Also, you were on an ATV, riding through neighborhoods on a detail, with improper tires, improper equipment, approved by the Department and your supervisor. However, I know you wouldn't have done it if you didn't feel it could be accomplished. That's how GOD designed you.

Through our spiritual bond, I called you before the transition. You told me what you were doing and I asked you why. Why on an ATV. As usual... LEO's are programmed to do what's asked of them.
We just except the assignment and move forward.

Citizens complained. There was a neighborhood problem and a solution was given. Regardless of who suggested the solution, proper protection was not provided. Proper protection existed but was not provided for you all. Could have happen to anyone on the squad... but it happened to you. You know I don't curse, but I'm still pissed the "french toast sticks" OFF.

I didn't understand, at the time, during your service...
why the Director stood up and screamed with his arms stretched out wide looking at me saying:
..."We failed you !.. Yes,, we failed you !".

Years later, I now understand what he was saying.

I later learned from multiple officers that our Department had proper helmets and did not provide them. I later learned your ATV had problems. Yes, law exists for riding with proper equipment...but with everything in LE, cost is always at the expense of the officer. The mud on our face is that the same area you guys were patrolling is worst now than before. No one has been over there since your detail so why the detail. With all drug locations a.k.a "dope holes" ... catching people with "baggies" is a temporary solution. Having a specialized unit specifically formed to stop the operations is different.

Only GOD knows if having the proper equipment/helmet would have helped.

I have to move on...and focus on the future... I go to work and come home. Unfortunately, I like being a loaner now. Letting people in is a gamble and I don't have the strength nor energy to lose anymore !


I'm sure GOD has told his angels &YOU;, times are rough down here for EVERYONE. Please ask GOD to assist me in keeping this roof over our heads. To keep paying the bills. I have a year left for 30 years but I'm afraid to enter the DROP or retire. Wondering if tomorrow I can sustain physically and financially for Justice and I. Life was easier because you took care of EVERYTHING. Now I have to handle things. LORD HELP US !!! AMEN

It's frightening and nerve wreaking but I will not give up.

On a POSITVE note.... I started back writing my poetry and back studying the WORD of GOD. It's been too long. I'm not consistent, but I started back. Also, because of what the HONOR GUARD did for you when you transitioned, I joined them.

What they did for you, I couldn't turn the opportunity down. It's not easy. You learn things when you are apart of it. OOOO boy. Everyone has their own motives and can sometimes lose focus of the "WHY/PURPOSE".

Serving with the Honor Guard and working with other agencis is priceless. The camaraderie and putting a smile on others faces is PRICELESS...

Babe...I know
.. I know... I know...
what you're saying about that. ..and... I receive it. But...I'm not giving up (for now). GODs got me Babe.

Justice and I miss you terribly. He doesn't like talking about the situation but here and there, he slips and says how he misses the things you guys use to do.

I'm doing my best but just know,.... darn it
.. darn it.... darn it...
GOD took a "great one".

HOW I WISH YOU WERE HERE!

MY PROTECTOR
MY ROCK
MY SON'S BEST FRIEND !

LOVE YOU TOO THE MOON AND BACK AND IT'S STILL DOESN'T DESCRIBE HOW MUCH!

Psalm 23
Psalm 91
Over your life and ours.

Sgt. (SURVIVOR) Jannene Howard-Brown
MDPD

September 21, 2024