Trooper Clarence Uen Swain

Daddy Clarence, it took me three decades to find my 3-year old self who'd lost her dad and along with you, my sense of being safe in the world. For many years, I felt that you were visiting in my dreams. Initially terrifying, but eventually I felt that your spirit was there in the night time, trying to speak to me, reach me and teach me that when you left this state of existence, it was "enough." That was your last dream time with me and it was so clear that you had done all you'd been here to do and it was enough...your spirit's mission here was complete. And that message, in that dream was the end of a long line of emotionally frightening to amazingly loving visits. I believe that your leaving left me frightened, but it also, eventually led me to the depths of my heart and soul. Your not being here long enough for me to remember you was sad...and it shaped me...but in a different way than your staying might have done. I had a daddy who loved me so much that he persisted throughout my life to shine light upon this very different sort of connection. Tears are never too far away and I don't understand all that I did experience in those dreams...but your presence in them taught me profound lessons. "Enough, Maria, it was enough," at first I though you were chiding me to stop being afraid. But, no, it was to teach me this important truth. I need to remember this for when it's my time to leave I'd like to think that I might find comfort in remembering that for all of us, when our time comes, that our life was enough. We completed our time here...and go back into ongoing Creation. Maybe there's more...but can't that also be enough? Isn't being a live for a single minute with eyes to see and hearts to feel, enough? I think so.

P.S. When people ask who you'd like to invite from the past to talk with...yes, I'd say Jesus, Buddha, St. Francis...and you:) Maria

Maria Swain Kearns
Clarence was my father.

September 2, 2019