View all 20 Reflections
Most Recent Reflection
Tonight I lay in bed trying to sleep and just as I've done for the past 15 years I start thinking of your last day with us and I count down the hours until your death. Some years the memories fly by, other years, like this one, the memories stay for a while and bring the tears with them. You would think that after 16 years those memories would be more controllable but they aren't. Like waves of the ocean pounding the shores the memories cannot be controlled.
With God's help and your help I've had the honor of helping others when they have suffered the tragic loss of their law enforcement officer. Recently, following the loss of a co-worker by suicide I ran out of anything more to give to family survivors.
I know that with God's help and your help, I found a man with whom I may share the rest of my life. I am living the kind of life that you and I used to dream of having some day. I hope you are enjoying watching all this as I know you do with love in your heart. For whatever reason, God blessed me by allowing me to have 2 great loves in my life.
When we used to talk about what we would do if one of us died your only wish was that I not get over you TOO quickly. I'm still not over you - the last pillow on which you rested your head in our bed is still wrapped in plastic (I thought it would hold your scent - does it? Or is that my imagination?) No, the part of my heart you took with you cannot be replaced - it is yours forever. Fortunately the part of my heart that is left is still capable of great love.
Oroville and your department still remember you - you WILL be fondly remembered. Not for the way your died, but for the way you lived.
I love you and miss you.
Oroville PD (retired) and widow of Randy
May 21, 2013